Some of my friends were interested in my recent “near death experience.”
I have been home about a month and am feeling stronger so I’m ok to talk about it now without crying. To all my friends who were so supportive and prayed for me during this difficult time a big THANK YOU!

March 23 started out like any other day in my tos life. My husband went to work and my daughter went to high school. So, it is me and my dog Mitsey, which is our daily routine. The last thing I remember is I was standing in my kitchen at about noon, the next thing I know I’m in the emergency room and people are yelling at me, asking my name and if I knew where I was, and if I knew the date.

I was hallucinating and just could not get my head clear no matter how hard I tried. I was dreaming about my aunt, uncle and their 3 boys. The youngest cousin recently died unexpectantly at the age of 48. The closest thing that I can compare it to is when you are waking up from surgery but 10 time’s worse.

My daughter came home at 2:30 p.m. which is unusual for since she had an
away softball game and had to get on the bus. She found me on the couch (I don’t remember laying down) barely breathing, (green-so she says) and “foaming at the mouth.” YUCK. Not a good visual for your teenage daughter.

She called 911 and she said about 8 paramedics came and they were trying to wake me up and then started their treatment. They went through all of my medications thinking that maybe I tried to end my life. My husband said when she called him at work (an hour away with no traffic) that she was crying hysterically and he could barely understand her. My poor daughter, I’m so sorry I put her through this. My daughter rode shot gun in the paramedic ambulance and she said their sirens were blaring loud. I didn’t hear them al all.

I was in ICU for 2 days (of which I only remember when my parents came to see me). When I went to the telemetry floor on March 25 I was beginning to be more aware of where I was and what happened. I was in the hospital for 5 days.

I asked the doctor who came to see me,” what happened to me?” He said, “you had an asthma attack, you almost died!” When the paramedics came to resuscitate me I inhaled into my lungs and got aspiration pneumonia!

This is still so unbelievable to me. I have had mild asthma since I was in nursing school 30 years ago, but I never really had much of a problem (so I thought…denial) I was always telling my kids to be aggressive in treating their asthma but didn’t think my asthma was bad.

It is not fun having tos and being in the hospital 5 days being treated for pain but doctors who think they understand tos. The nurses did their best to keep me comfortable but the docs didn’t want to increase the IV pain meds as they thought I would stop breathing again. I was having so much pain and I couldn’t think straight enough to ask my husband to bring my special pillows or ask for a heating pad. It was really miserable.

On the 4th day I started having diarrhea and vomiting. I threw up so much and had the dry heaves so hard I thought that was going to kill me; boy did that kick up the tos pain.

My roommate for 2 nights was an 86 year old woman who had previously had a stroke and was so confused. She would scream so loud and I would just tell her everything is ok and she would settle down ( she would woke me up many times with those screams). She was really a sweet woman but I couldn’t take another night of that. Thankfully they transferred me to the medical floor for my last night.

My dear friends, I think most of us who live in severe pain contemplate ending it all to stop the misery. I would beg you not to put your family through that experience. I have another memory of the ER, and that was seeing my daughter and my husband crying because they thought I was going to die. I really feel bad for putting through that terrible experience.

I am still on antibiotics for the pneumonia and they said it takes a while to recover from pneumonia. I’m still very weak and unsteady. I will see the pulmonologist (lung doctor) in May and I’m really nervous about the asthma. The docs said my chest tightened up, my oxygen levels went way down and carbon dioxide levels went way up. I just blacked out and ended up on the couch.

In my recent research on asthma the literature said that all asthma has an allergic component to it. I am kind of afraid to go to sleep as I ‘m afraid I won’t wake up.

I reduced my pain medication almost in half because I’m afraid of respiratory distress (even though the docs send me home on the same dose of oral meds). It will take sometime for me to get over this experience emotionally, but I do feel a new closeness to my husband, and my daughter also.

So my friends, never take asthma lightly. It can kill you.

To quote Kevin Henkes' book Lilly and the Purple Plastic Purse...

Soooooooooooooo glad you made it through. The gods must be smiling.

We are just learning about my youngest daughter's asthma, after a horrible winter of colds. We have no experience because nobody in either family has it. I have taken your story to heart.

I will be thinking of you and hoping for your continued recovery.




Johanna

My dear friend,
I understand the thankfulness that your family has in having you with them, what a miracle and blessing!
You are so lucky that your daughter came home, miricles work in special ways.

I always questioned and blamed myself not checking on my daughter better just getting out of the hospital. I could have had her stay here, I should have gone down at 2:00 AM when my phone rang with someone looking for her.
I should have checked on her before I went to work, Why, oh why did I just give her space and not take better care of her....Why did I trust the change in medication.........Questions I will beat myself up over....

Just a split decision in life, a wrong dose or reaction to medication, or allergic reaction and how fleeting life can be.

I can understand their fear....I lived it.
I am blessed my friend that you are here with us....I just don;t have the words to tell you how happy I am.
Love
Di

Di, I am so sorry about De’s passing.

I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child; it’s not supposed to happen that way. We shouldn’t outlive our children.

I was hesitatant to post this experience as I didn’t want to bring back sad memories. If I can help one person or their child avoid the severity of asthma I wanted to post my experience.

I knew I was wheezing but I had no way of knowing I would pass out like I did and be so close to death.

Just as you had no way to predict how De responded to her situation. I wish there was a crystal ball so we could see the future and change things before they happened.

There was never a more caring and compassionate mother than you Di. Try not to second guess yourself. It had been such a hard battle with tos for both of you. I know in my heart that De is in Heaven now with a new body free of sickness and pain.

You did the best you could for De and she was fortunate to have you as an advocate. You do it for all your children and for those of us on the forum.

Thank you for your kind words Di. You and Mark (he hasn’t posted for a long time for those who don’t know of him) were the first to respond to my
post 7 years ago about if surgical positioning could cause tos. You have been helpful to me ever since then.

Again, I’m so sorry to have stirred up sad memories. It was not my intention.

Love and gentle hugs,
Martha

Hi Martha,
This did not stir up sad memories, but as you, I do need to share, many times we are so ill and sad things can happen. Like you said some are so sad that they think of taking their life to please don;t because of the family that has to live with the loss. PLEASE THAT IS NEVER AN OPTION !

Many thought the pain was too much for De...that was not the case. We trusted doctors, we found out medications can interact, and stop breathing.

I could talk until I was blue in the face, and often did to De to please detox and start over....But, I am not her...She never would want to die.....But she did want her medications to give her pain releif.

I am afraid of medications now, the effect they can have by stopping breathing, aspiration, or even with your secondary condition asthma, I am asthmatic....makes one pause.
I have not been taking my protocol because I could not afford the many medications and asthma meds too....It is a wake up to me to cut something else or find the money and not mess with my asthma!

But your post did not in any way trigger sadness in me.
But if one person hears from their family; that maybe it is a time to step back, your not acting right, breathing has changed, behavior has changed, health has changed; be aggressive to seek medical visits, test and be an advocate for yourself and loved ones to take a step back and re-evaluate where your are. See if there are any concerns.

I never wanted my daughter in pain, but I did not want her medications to kill her either...I know she is with my Mom and Dad.
She had a seizure on medication in that Behavioral unit and when she came out of it she told me she was trying to walk towards my Mom,,,,I think then the medication was already taking its toll. Even when I questioned the staff psych doctor; not being a pain doctor, she challanged me the medications were appropriate.

The what if's in life , if we only had hindsight.

But the wonderful thing is a celebration of your life,
You are right, De has no more pain, how many years could she live in such misery, everyday a strugle, I drained every ounce of energy everyday to help her....

I still do have challanges with the two son's too...my oldest with lumbar and TOS, the younger with heart valve problems and seizures...Katies heart valve so far is OK, except strong exersize, she gets chest palps, with anxiety too...Misses her big sister. She ask, "but who will baby sit me now?" She sleeps with a white Angel TY beanie baby Teddy Bear that is 16 inches tall.

I am so blessed to have you here my friend, and I will always carry concern for all I have made friends with here.
Besides TOS, we have those with many, many other medical problems....I always pray for everyone.
Love to you and all
Di

Very thoughtprovoking, thank you Martha!