Good morning to all,

I haven't posted in a few weeks because I am so depressed that I feel it would be a downer to others. I am in alot of pain on a daily basis but I feel that it is because I have other problems like 3 level fusion in my cervical spine and 2 buldging disc in thoracic spine I think the surgery has weakened my neck and I have alot of pain in shoulder/scapula. I just don't feel very well. I have chronic pain and have for years some days I just don't want to go on this way. I don't even know why I am writing I'm just desparate for help I have zero quality of life and I just can't seem to snap out of the depression. I think everyday that I can't imagine living this way. Please send up your prayers for me.

Sorry for this
Bev

mm8,

I am very sorry to hear your update. i hope that you have a good team that can help you find whatever you need to assist you with your chronic pain levels. i also think that you might be a perfect candidate for the implant that gibbrn wrote about. i wonder if that is the same implant that Jerry Lewis had. It was supposed to be very successful in his case.

Here is the link fr Gibbrn.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/condi...ain/index.html

A few other thoughts. Are you in a chronic pain support group? Have your tried spending time in a warm pool where you could do some aquatic work while your spine is suspended?

any update on your SSDI acceptance?

Yes, I will send up those prayers as you requested.

Hey Bev, support is what we are here for - so often talking things out helps -even if just a little bit.
Have you talked with your dr about the depression?
Sometimes an anti depressant along with a pain med makes the pain med work better.

Is there anything they can do for the spinal issues?
Don't give up , keep asking the drs about other options or trying other med combos.

Peace and Prayers

Hi Bev, I will certainly pray for you.

I attend a support group for chronic pain, at the local clinic - it's on a sliding scale so since my income is 0, I pay $3.85 per hr.. I don't know what I'd do with out group and a/d + pain meds. I sometimes dwell too much on why am I still here and how much of this can I take... it IS very depressing. Don't be afraid to share your stuff with us - we ALL feel it.


Anne

(((bev)))
i just started an anti depressant myself- big difference and fast- my body must have really needed it.

do you have anyone to do PT with? My PT has really helped me to recover from the post surgical swelling adn regain my range of motion. still working on a way to strenghten- I can't seem to tolerate any of the normal strengthening exercises, so I am looking into aquatic therapy myself.

I also am a firm believer that it helps to talk things out. please feel free to tell us whatever you need to.

i have been meaning to write back to you; i know i owe you a response and i have NOT forgotten.

gosh, i just relate so much to how you are feeling. please don't forget how many of us here have been and are in the same boat as you. and we really do care what you are going through right now.

i know your ALJ hearing will bring favorable results as far as your SSDI case goes. you just hang on tight. that thing of being nothing but denied, denied, denied for what seems like forever is something many of us go through. but once your case is heard in front of an administrative law judge at that hearing, and provided your docs have cooperated by filling out the residual functioning capacity questionnaires properly for you - well, things being what they are, bev, you can hardly be denied your benefits any longer. i will hold a good thought for you. stay on top of your lawyer and that congressman as the date approaches. it won't be long now... and medicare is right around the corner from that SSDI approval. everything will be overturned. finally!

to me, depression is one of the hardest aspects to living with severe chronic pain. it's very hard on you, and it's extremely hard on family and friends as well... those around us who do love and care for us find it difficult to cope with the severe depression (i am just speaking from my own experience, bev). i think this is why a face-to-face support group might be so helpful. a good way to find one is by calling a local teaching hospital which has a pain clinic attached to it. you and your husband both could clearly use good support within the community in which you live.

and of course this on-line community is always here for you. my heart goes out to you, bev. i know if you are like me you may have had high hopes that the TOS surgery was going to provide you with some answers, some relief at last from years and years of unexplained and very severe body pain. but now we know it just doesn't work like that. and it is a really hard surgery all by itself, to get over. but you will recover from that operation, i promise you that much. and hopefully, the TOS surgery did what it was supposed to do and created more space in the thoracic outlet for the nerves and vascular structures to pass through.

aqua therapy is something i'm looking into right now... has to be done in a warm pool. if you're like me, regular PT is a bit much to handle right now (not to mention, a good therapist soooo hard to find for us-). fern has been very helpful in telling me about something called ai chi, which is done in the water. your local Y may have some aqua programs... also the national MS foundation has some very good 'being active' classes which are free or very affordable. while they are designed for people with MS, they cannot exclude ANYONE - so may be worth a call to your local chapter, bev. use your community resources; this may also be a good way to find a pain support group.

the only pill i've ever found to help with my severe chronic depression is something called Namenda, which targets the excessive amounts of NMDA receptors the pain brain produces. it's not an A/D per se... actually the drug was originally developed for use in alzheimers patients. but it's being rx'd to treat both nerve pain and depression, as an off-label use, by neurologists and PM docs. i have had remarkable success with it and can't say enough about it.

beverley, i know the hopelessness you speak of. sometimes i feel like i can't go on. can't find a purpose for this awful chronic pain which has devastated my life for the past 30 years or so. it's driven every single person away that i ever loved. has absolutely ruined the quality of my life, dashed my hopes and dreams, caused so much suffering and misery... and FOR WHAT? i cannot get the meaning of it on some days, when i'm just in a deep dark hole and unable to climb out. it is such a slippery slope. and i've been all alone for most of it.

but i'm still here. i have to remember, my pain is not me. it's just a part of me, something i have. not my core. and i can go on and maybe, just maybe sometimes i can help other people who are suffering just like i am. maybe it's not too late for them, or maybe i can comfort them if i happen to be in a slightly better place on that particular day. i don't know, beverley. but we are in this, together. that much i do know. you are NOT alone. maybe no one can take your pain away, but the suffering is the piece that we can work on. together.

please ask your husband to help you find a support group. do that one thing. and maybe you can talk to one of your docs about looking at the A/D med picture - perhaps a change there might be in order, i do not pretend to know. but i believe with time that all things are possible. i know you will get the SSDI coming to you and that that will help the financial picture and help to make you both feel much more secure about the future.

please know that we care. we have each of us been right where you are.

alison
"Be Brave"

Hi,

so glad to hear from you!!! Hope that u DO post if you feel like this!!!!! We are here for this exact reason....support for each other!!! I too have been feeling this way after having five years of this horrible monster pain!!!!!

I have just increased my depression meds which I hope will help with the nerve pain.

i really hope you can find a way to keep yourself up a little bit each day...coming here for me helps. It reminds me that i have a family who cares and understands.

I wish you all the best and send healing prayers your way. It is not a nice feeling to want to escape the 'here and now' dare I say life itself....I was there and have been there many times and I am no quitter....I scream and cry and fret then go into my shell and hide........so if this is your way PLEASE DONT HIDE FROM US!!!!!

We are here for you even if we can't change the pain hope we can make you smile a little!

lots of hugs and love,
Victoria

Bev- don't feel bad about posting when your down... I know its helped me thru times when I had no idea what to do, when nobody around really gets it, people here do. Like JoKat, my Pain mgmt doc started me on an anti-depressant (Cymbalta).... I'm the kind of guy that won't (wouldn't, I guess) come right out and say I thought I was depressed. Doc was asking me and my wife a bunch of questions, and I knew where it was heading..... I digress. He said that it is perfectly normal for someone with chronic pain to be depressed. I think Alison (as usual ) was right.... a support group and/or a doc visit would be a great idea. you and all are in my prayers.

Thanks for the kind words, I have been on anti depressants for many years I started being treated for pain over 25 years ago. I usually do pretty well unless my meds get out of wack. I just can't seem to get it together I am so tired of pain and dealing with it. I feel like it is a full time job just to manage my health its just one big battle after another. Just no myself lately having trouble finding my boot straps ha ha. Anyway thank you for the kind words of encourgement.

Beverley

Beverley, I am in too much pain to keep writing right now, but I am going to come back to you as I do care very much about you. Please hang on, we (I) do know what this is like.

God bless you and please Lord relieve her pain.