Hello Again,


Thanks so much again dear family, you are amazing beyond words!!!
G~

Grom,
I am sure glad that your road is taking this new lane of travel. When dealing with the huge year you had, escape is often a need rather then the desire. I did want to pass on a thought thought about trying to do it yourself.

When things several years ago were so overwhelmed dealing with De's injury, my injury at work that robbed my loved career, I ahd to start over and did not even know it.

I had noticed an ad in the paper for a psychirtrist that dealt with chronic pain patients. The focus is that people dealing with these issues have different needs of creating a new life and morning the loss one, then someone in crisis without the physical problems that go along. It is a different pair of eyes you see and legs you travel, with contributing factors that these professionals understand.

Doc Jim was amazing, I did not know I had to let go of my old life, I didn't want to, I wanted it back. I had to go through two years of one deciding to go back to school, then doing it to see there was another life for me.
I didn't want it, but after time I saw it was better. Who wants to at 50 years old and many obligations be out at midnight on horrid life threatening calls. I did for a long time, but see it is time to pass that on to the younger...going into a field that instead I can be an instructor, sharing a life of experiance instead.

My point is, I did what I could on my own to try and glue the pieces together, but long term realize it was a weight off my shoulders to let someone else take it from me, give me permission to "get a life" and they would carry the burden, Guiding me to the life ahead. My glue was like liking an envelope with out the sticky on it, just fell apart.

Tragically, doc Jim was killed in a car accident just feet from his home many years ago. I never got to show him how I took the permission and went back to school excelled, and even work a little. Even if I did not work, I feel great I did it, that degree is something no one can ever take away from me!
It feels great at work, to be told good job, or recognize something I contributed made a huge affect on the case I was working.

From an unconsoable child to be playing wonderfully when an anxious parent returned, to a terminated vist, being told by the child, "mommy, sit here, wait I am playing". (I supervise monitored vistis between child and abusers, sexual and physical) The head of the organization came over to me and thanked me for doing something I did as second nature.

Enough about me, what I want to share with many of us in stressful lifes; need to know we can morn, find a new direction incorporating the new limitations and changes into something worthwile and good. Small or big.

Even your step daughter has to learn, maybe through her own life experiance that life is going on, and changes don't have to be bad, but what we make of them can benefit us.

Good that you have us and we have you here our friend,
Di

Your story means so much to me, and hopefully it will be meaningful to others that are facing the same challenge. That's what is so wonderful about this place. It is so comforting to come here and find just the right words to help you get back on track.

Thanks so much for taking the time and making the effort to reach out to someone in need.

Hugs to you and your family,
G~

I am truly very sorry I've been too sick to call or write you during this incredibly difficult time you're having. I did pray a lot for us though!

About "giving permission" -

also give permission to yourself to NOT be here,

to NOT have to answer the phone,

to NOT have to take on everyone's problems, etc.

My feeling of you is that you may take on too much, when you need help yourself.

Also, if you don't like your counselor, keep searching for one you like.

It took me until the 5th counselor (in work comp) to now have this grief counselor who seems perfect. The one my attorney chose and raved about was incredibly rude and was just about making the buck - and my attorney was personally hurt that I didn't rave about him also. Well, I stuck to my wishes that for my personality, we didn't mesh, and I hunted on. Now I found an incredible "Grief" counselor who is doing all of my counseling via phone. Perfect.

So stick up for yourself in these days ahead, sweet one.

If you're ever able to travel to OC, we have a spare room for you & hubby in a queen bed, or reas. hotel nearby.

Hello,
I am happy to read what is going on with your husband.
I wish you all the best to start together for a second time.
Barbara

Thanks so much Barbara and Tam,

Two dear ones who suffer so much and yet take the time to comfort others!!
I hope you both are able to have a pleasant day today!!

Tam, you have me pegged. I'm not good at saying No,still trying to learn how to. And I do need to deal with the losses from this injury. The loss of time, years of time...the loss of income, the loss of indedpendence, the loss of aspects of my identity, my passions. I'm a hands on person, so of course everything I like to do to relax and/or have fun is gone. Gardening is out the window, hiking, horse back riding...Haaa ! What a fuuny thought. I still can't even drive much less try to ride a horse. No dog training, No dog agility competitions, no piano lessons.

I havn't had a chance to think about me much less all the things I miss, all the plans for the future that need to be changed. It really has been crazy for awhile around here.

I know that Di has a valid point, that good things can and will come. I just wish I wasn't surrounded by so many active healthy people who look at me and can't figure out what is wrong. I've had the surgery and they expect me to be fixed. I've even gone so far as to explain that with 2 neck muscles gone and a rib missing, my body's architecture has changed and is more fragile than ever. I need time to heal before I can even focus on strengthening, and I will never be 100%.

My inlaws horseback ride, snorkel,water ski, parasail, you name it they do it. And I just sit on the sidelines. Hubby will still do some of the tamer activities, when he feels up to it, and can at the very least, go out on the boat. I can't do that! I can barely ride in the car. It feels like a roller coaster ride. I feel so left out and isolated.

Anyway, I do need to find new things to occupy my time, help me feel productive. I am/was a Type A and have a hard time sitting and doing nothing. I need more to do than p.t. and yet physically I am not there yet!

Oh well... Time and the Serenity prayer, and more time.....

Hugs to All and wishes for a pain free day!
G~