[astern]

My cousin who has had breast cancer 4 times has a metal plate holding her arm to her shoulder. The bone was melted from radiation. She has some very serious swelling and similar symptoms to us TOSsers.

However, she does not want to ask her Dr for a Handicapped Parking sticker because she is embarased, feels like she's not really handicapped because she can walk and well - she is willing to suffer when she has something that must be carried, even if it causes her to drive less than safely because she does not want people to think she is disabled!

I felt so DISSED!

I only use my sticker when I need it but she left me feeling like a mooch or some slug that's just lazy. So it left me wondering what others here do and how do you feel about needing extra help - even if it's just some step-saving?

For me, if I spend all my energy getting dressed, showered, carrying anything and loading a grocery cart... by the time I'm driving home my arms are like noodles and my response time is worse - I'm left a dangerous driver.

[ozzy14]

Hi,

There are days when I would love a handicapped sign (there little signs in Australia) as every step I take is agony but there are days when I can walk around the shops quite o.k. So I think it depends on your pain levels / flare ups at the time.

Ozzy

[Jomar]

I voted yes- I'm sure most of us would not use the parking place if we were feeling well enough to manage at the time.

Everybody has their own perceptions I guess -
don't let her choice make you feel bad- do what is best for your situation.

[lefthanded]

I don't have TOS, but I do have peripheral neuropathy, and there are days I would not go shopping if I couldn't park near the building. In fact, I have had to go home when there were no spaces available, because the pain was so great that even a quick trip was out of the question if I had to park way out in the parking lot. On my good days I guard those spaces for those who are experiencing a bad day, because I know how it feels to not be able to shop without great effort and discomfort.

I have also chased cheaters out of disabled parking spaces. I am so tired of the "quick errand" excuse . . . and I created cards that detail the law, the penalty and the fact that they are being socially inconsiderate. I keep a supply in my car for when I find a car with no documentation showing, or when someone is sitting in a car in a space waiting for one of those "quick trippers" to come back out.

It seems there are many more needing spaces anymore than there are spaces. I am guessing that the growing disabled population might, in one respect, be a result of the lack of medical care for many before it is too late, and the fact that we seem to be seeing an increase in auto-immune diseases, many of which affect mobility.

[thursday]

The most popular question I get asked after I tell people that I'm dealing with a painful-yet invisible disability is "You must have a Handicapped Parking permit then- can I use it???"
I don't have a car, but honestly I don't think I would use a permit. Walking is the one pain-free event in my life and I do several miles daily so the parking lot should be a breeze... then again, I don't drive so I can't answer :P

oh yeah, the second most asked question I get is "Can you hook me up with pain pills?" Um, NO I freaking hate that.

[trixlynn]

I voted yes. If I could get one I would use it on my bad days. There are times when the thought of my arms swinging or the vibration of my feet on the pavement is enough to keep me in bed. But unfortunately life must go on.
Trix

[TraceyW]

I voted yes too - i try my best not to carry shopping bags at all and tend to go to big supermarkets where i can wheel the trolley right up to the boot of my car!.

I love walking as cant do many exercise classes these days as cannot do most of the exercises (push ups, sit ups etc!)

I wish i could turn back time to pre-tos and freeze it, as i used to be able to go shopping for hours and not ache.....now, i cant even carry a few bags with light items of clothes in for very long as it hurts too much!

[mrsD]

I've had 2 handicapped stickers in the past. (both for 6mos each)

Both, for leg issues.

What I have found is this:

You need to walk and be mobile as much as possible. So my doctor won't give me a sticker unless I am totally
a mess.

When I was in mega pain, and could barely walk, and I tried to do my
shopping, all the spots were filled more than 80% of the time. It became impossible to use the alloted spaces the majority of the time I needed them.

The only positive benefit I had was that our city allows free parking at meters
with a disabled sticker. So when I went to the library (no parking there in a congested urban place)..it was very handy. Because 25 cents gets you 6min
where I live. They chalk your tires and you have to move so you cannot come out and refill the meter even!

In the college town where my son was, they would NOT HONOR my state
granted sticker. I found that out when I helped him move out of his dormitory.
I was supposed to know (miraculously via my crystal ball) that I needed a SECOND sticker from the city there to overlap my other! GIVE ME A BREAK.

So if I can I get my husband to now help me with some errands. I know some people don't have that opportunity, but for us, it is working some now. I have to sort of plead and beg...but he lets me off in front of the building, I run in and he picks me up. In our old age it has become a new intimacy...since I was very independent before.

[Bobbi]

Green curb zones also come in handy, along with spaces otherwise designated residential or commerical.

Unless another lives inside someone else's body and feels direct effects, I don't think people should judge. There is enough of that happening without people knowing the backstory.

I have a placard and I also have friends who refuse to display it - for me. Duh, I am disabled; my C-, T-, L-, and S-spine. My heart.... but whatever.

Do I feel guilt when I display my placard? Heck no. I suffered amply without having one. It's not a luxury but a need; I would be totally housebound if not for being able to get as close as possible to entryways. I couldn't care less if someone else has an issue with it.

I'd just invite the person to spend a month in my house with me. I guarantee, the person would see, the placard is a must, not an abuse.

It's great that some don't want or need the placards. But: there is also no need to discount or put down people who do.

[tshadow]

Originally Posted by astern

For me, if I spend all my energy getting dressed, showered, carrying anything and loading a grocery cart... by the time I'm driving home my arms are like noodles and my response time is worse - I'm left a dangerous driver.

Does that not answer your question? It is waaaay more important that you save your nerves as much movement as possible so that you are the best driver psossible for the rest of us.

I've got handicapped and I don't even drive - but if I have one of those QMEs where we drive 4 hours each way to Bev Hills, wait all day for the exam, I don't need a 1/2 hour walk each way, especially if my lower nerves are acting up and we have to find a wheel chair because we don't own one.

So no, Astern, you're right-on.

Remember, we don't have cancer. Cancer is different in many ways - it is a beginning, middle of treatment and end (not death, end of treatment!) and our illness is VERY different from that. We're more of a MARATHON or one of the new cancers that you live with for the rest of your life. So saving one's movements are important to some cancers - apparantly not your relative's. That's ok.

You're right on track, honey. It's ok. We LOVEEEE you.