being relatively (6-12mo) new to this whole experience, I'm struggling with the same thing - trying to strike a balance between making sure my wife and parents and inlaws know that i still hurt, while trying to not bring it up. I feel bad that when the ask how i'm doing, i pretty much just muster up a half-hearted "ok. pretty much the same." Which isn't really an answer, i know; then, they worry more and get stressed about how i REALLY am. It sounds weird complaining about this, but does anyone else understand? Then, that leads me to think about it more, and the more i concentrate on how I hurt, where I hurt, what I can't do, etc, the more it leads me to be depressed. GAAAAAAAAAh. sorry to rant. any ideas?

Anymore, I just turn the question right back around to the person asking in hopes they start to rambl on about something going on in their life! As far as family members I just keep it short... my biggest problem is monetary worries, it is not fair for myu wife to keep footing the budget by herself and WC has been putting me off for 14 months. That is why also I am going thru this whole thnig not talking about it... at the time of the accident refused treatment though mentioned to my boss and his of a stiff neck and back pain. The company that I was working for and was taken over by a major oil firm on 4/1 and on 4/2 the accicdent happened that iswhy things were kept so hush-hush as I was told this new oil co has a zero tolerance to any. Later on that night numbness and tingling started across my chest and the neck pain increased, On 4/7 whe I could take it no longer I went to the company doc they were a joke as far as treatment and underwent treatment (PT) twice by them second of which that compounded everything, and quit doing this ASAP! They sent me to a neurologits who first time seen him he told me I should be fine when I return in 6 week at which time he wanted to do surgery. though said was not sure it would do anything for me his now you see it, now you dont scared me! When I went home went on the computer with my symptoms mutiple times and ways came up with brachial plexus problem an almost like it was meant to happen Dr Toguts name kept appearing! Icalled him and explained everything, he told me in a no nonsense mannor should it not be a bracial problem he would get to the bottom of what was wrong with me and direct me to somebody who could help me. Went through with the appointment. and he did "CALL IT" as TOS. He could not beleive that I worked the whole time between pulling/carring loads 200+ pounds for 3 1/2 months... told him there was a many night that whe I worked actual tears were brought about by the pain.... he took me out of work on 7/13/05. Did an EMG which went on to further express his diagnosis and showed the start on the right as well as the left. On 10/10/05 was taken off work comp and during one of the hearings my boss and his boss denied me ever telling them about my problems on 4/2 and still fighting to get my work comp back so I can get my surgery. out of my dwindling expenses I was out to Denver to see Dr Sanders who did agree bi-laterl TOS and my family Dr agreed on TOS and also myfascial pain and fibro-neuralgia .... some where along the point was given the tag of crps! Guess what I am trying to get at if need be scream your head off about it. wish I had on 4/2 especially where my bosses were concerned they not only stabbed me in the back. they twisted the knife and put lime juice on! I thought after busting my tail for them the least they could do was cover mine with the truth! If you need somebdy to yell to can do so to me as I am half deaf anyway. Seriously if you need somebody to talk to I will listen... man did not mean to get so side tracked and yack... heck while I am at it I might as well explain "GOOBER" it is a lump above my traps that swells when I am in the midst of a flare,, figured since he moved into my body he should have a name and "GOOBER" fit the bill.

Have to take a bit of a break from typing but am going to wander aroud the sight so until later..."MARK-n-GOOBER

What a kind and wonderful man you are.

I am in the middle of a lawsuit with the lady who hit my van and started all of this. Maybe I should be more vocal. Perhaps that way if we have to go to trial I will have more people who can testify to the before and after of this awful condition.
I find that sometimes I try, even to myself, to protect people from the reality of what is happening in my body. People say, "It has been 6 weeks since your surgery and you are STILL in pain?" They say it like they don't believe me.
I don't want to worry my kids either. I find myself putting on a brave face, so they won't worry about me. That is very hard. The other day my 7 year old apologized for going to a birthday party and leaving me. He said, "What if something had happened to you?".
I don't want my kids to live in fear of my condition. Sometimes they won't even hug me because they are afraid to hurt me.
I even told my husband that I thought I felt well enough to drive again. I don't. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car has given me a panic attack.
I think my husband sees how I really am though. He told me yesterday to hire a housekeeper. He says that he can't keep up with it and if I try to do it he will skin me alive.LOL
I am just so used to being in charge. I keep a clean house. I bake, and cook wholesome meals for my family. I hate that right now cooking dinner, even a small one, sends me into my recliner in tears.

I am so grateful that I can come here and "let my hair down". I can't say enough how grateful I am to have you all. It is wonderful to be able to be heard and understood.
There are some bright spots. The constant numbness is still gone. I do get intermittent numbness in my ring and pinky fingers, but it doesn't last long. The constant headache is gone, it only comes if I have overdone it, or slept wrong.
I will try to be patient and approach this with a positive attitude. I want to get better. I pray that I will. God only gives us that which we can handle. I just hope I can look back and say I handled this with grace.
Tracy

I'm lucky to have a very understanding husband and family and even though they can't "see" anything wrong with me, they know I'm not faking it. I've gotten so used to living with some kind of constant pain- bad or not so bad- that that has become normal for me, so I just deal with it. Naturally I'm not happy about it but this is the hand I've been dealt so I refuse to give in to it. My husband and son have seen the effects of what I was dealing with before I was put on medication that has helped me considerably- the horrible occipital migraine-like headaches that kept me in bed, or if I did get up (to go to the br to throw up because the nausea was so bad), they saw me fall to the floor numerous times because I was starting to pass out, or I would lay on the bathroom floor because I was too sick to even move much less get up, even with hubby's help. I'm doing much better with medication but on days I don't feel well, I just come out and tell my family that I need to take it easy that day- since most of the time I'm up and going even when I don't feel so great, they know that if I tell them I'm not feeling like doing such and such, that it must be pretty bad. Otherwise, I don't tell other people- if they ask how I am I'll either say, "oh, pretty good", or "I'm OK"....I think most people are just asking to be nice or to have something to say. I don't think it's for any bad reason on their part, it's just that most people really don't want to hear someone go on and on about what all is wrong with them and I don't blame them. It gets pretty boring to have to hear that whole song and dance every time you run into someone and I don't blame them....I have pain "issues" and I don't want to sit through 3 hrs. worth of someone telling me every last detail of their illness.