[trix]

Does anyone else find that they fake it bout their condition? Either to their families, friends or even to themselves? I need to be honest!
While it is true that I believe some good has come out of the surgery, there is more.
I hurt. I didn't think that after a month I would hurt like this. Maybe I had msome rosy view subconciously that this surgery was my magic bullet. I really thought I was being realistic about it. Now I know I wasn't.
I keep saying how wonderful it is that I have no numbness or tingling in m hands. What I didn't realize was that the numbness was making excruciating pain in my hands.
My fibromyalgia has gone into a huge flare, and some mornings I am lucky if I can get out of bed. Getting from my room to the living room is a process of grabbing walls, and hoping for the best.
I am so depressed. I can't work, I can't drive. My daycare is closed so that is one more thing that I am isolated from. I have a wonderful husband and children, but I am lonely.
My dh and kids are out of town this weekend, and I am all alone.
Today I feel like life sucks. I hurt 10 x more than I ever expected to post surgery.
My TOS doc said he thinks I will get better. My pcp says he hopes we haven't exchanged one set of problems for another.
I just want to feel better. Maybe this thing is supposed to teach me patience. I never was very patient.
Anyway, I am sorry but I needed to get that off of my chest. Thank you for listening to me rant.
Tracy

[Jomar]

Aww- hand in there Tracy, it is still so soon after your surgeries and you had both at once right {2 days apart??}

I remember some saying months or more before feeling half way better - be careful grabbing the walls too - you don't want to strain anything too soon.

Are you getting our for PT or at least a few errands- with someone to drive you? so you don't go stir crazy or get cabin fever LOL

sometimes even just watching out the window at nature refreshes my point of view.

Hi Tracy,
I am about 7 months post OR from TOS. Yes, I fake it to. But I am alot better now than before the TOS surgery. You have concerned loved ones that keep asking if your better continually. You realize their is nothing they can do.

I agree with JO hang in their. I only had right sided TOS mine came from a fall. The first 3 months in my case were rough. It's a up and down thing. Whatever you do don't fall or lift a thing.

My surgeon doesn't believe in P/T for me.

I just had spine surgery about the same time you had TOS surgery. So I can relate to the frustrations. Just take it easy and be good to you. Hugs, Roz

[dawn3063]

I am 9 months post OR and I had spinal surgery 2 months ago. I am soon headed back to the OR for a clean up of scar tissue in my post surgical TOS side.. It took me almost 3 month to the day to feel better after my first TOS surgery.. In that 3 month period life sure did suck.. I think I spent most of my time sleeping.. I became a lefty as I was a right handed person and that was just about impossible.. To this day I still have a hard time doing the thing's that I once did and it can be the most frustrating thing to me.. I can drive and do other things but most of the time I am house bound and yes it does get lonely.. I sure get tired of looking at those same 4 walls... But I should explain I have other medical conditions too that limit me it isn't just the TOS.. Thank God for my 2 little dogs.. I would be lost without them.. And when I chat with my family in Az on the phone or see my husbands family for lunch I always put on a act.. Oh, things are ok.. I'm doing good.. Yada, Yada, Yada.. I think we are our own worst enemies.. I know I am mine..
I'll get off my own soap box now.. Sorry..
Hang in there it will get better you just need to give it time.. I know it is hard especially when we had a routine down and then it was displaced by this horrible monster called TOS..
Give it sometime.. It's a huge change for you and these things take time to heal...
((Huge Hugs))
Dawn

What everyone else said!! You need to factor in that you had both sides done at once!! That is an exceptionally difficult thing to recover from. Most of us had the use of the other side to help in our recovery!! You are doing this with out any relief of a surgical site!! You are one tough lady Tracy!!!

Please take this time away from your family to rest and really pamper yourself. I know from my experience those times are far and few between. Rest, rest, rest!! Talk on the phone with friends!! Eat a ton of good comfort food!! Try not to allow yourself to feel isolated, even if you physically are. Maybe you can invite a friend over to watch a movie??

Give yourself permission and time to heal... because this recovery is a major one... and takes a considerable amount of time!! You have been through alot in the last month and a half!!

And please, share your struggles and fears with friends and family. They need to understand the emotions and physical struggles you are going through, and, that they are going to be with you for some time.

I wish this were a speedy recovery type situation for each of us so that we could all be feeling the benefits of this surgery right away.

Try to stay focused on the positive, there will probably be set backs along the way, so recognize this and make the best of the good days!!

As the others have said, hang in there Hon!!

(( Hugs!! ))

G ~

[dawn3063]

I had wondered how you were feeing..
Better I Hope..
((Hugs)) Dawn

How are things going for you?? Any better?? I'm hoping for a positive update.
Were you able to do something to lift your spirits while the family was away?

G~

[BarnBum]

Tracy;

I am 3 months post-op from re-do surgery. It is a difficult recovery --especially for those of us who have "Type A" personallities (most of us I would bet!). It is so hard to have to continually ask for help--especially to for lifting little things. I for one, would hate for anyone to think that I am a whiner of any sort--so things just don't get done sometimes. My Hubby has learned to read me like a book after over 3 years of this. He can see it in my face when I am going down hill--which happens every day. I can't imagine the horror of having both sides done at close to the same time.....Hang in there!! The people here are a good source of support!

[trix]

Well, my activity whie my family was gone consisted of reading and watching movies. That seems to be all I do anymore.
I am going to see a plastic surgeon about a breast reduction. I think I would rather get this done sooner than later. The pain from my breasts pulling down is just to much. I can't wear a bra. The bustier I got just cuts at the incision sites. I have tried wrapping, taping etc. and nothing helps with the muscle pain in my pecs.
I am very bored and lonely. I get out of the house only once a week with my husband. Even then I can't be out long. I can't carry my boobs around, I just get so tired so fast.
I spend a lot of time sleeping. I have no appetite so you would think I would be losing weight. If only I were that lucky.
I think I am going to do the Isagenix 9 day cleanse to see if I can jump start some weight loss. Maybe if I could lose some weight the fatigue sould ease and I could get some energy back.
I am going to talk to my doctor about adjusting my anti-deppresant meds. I haven't needed an adjustment in five years. Now I am having anxiety attacks, and cannot get motivated to do anything.
I really hope all of this pain and misery is worth it in the final end. I cannot imagine living like this much longer. How do we bear it? Why do we keep going on and on? I want my life back.
Tracy

[Nolina]

Hi Tracy, I’ve been thinking about you for a week and I still don’t know what to say. I hate to hear that you are in such pain. There's nothing more lonely and depressing than recovering from such a debilitating surgery (surgeries) - especially for a young lady as active and adventurous as you sound. You must really be climbing the walls.

Please forgive me for reading between the lines and wondering if you may be experiencing some of the same things I felt after my surgery. I sense that there is probably a whole lot going on in that head of yours. Healing is taking a lot longer than you expected, and now could it be that while your body is still healing your mind has jumped ahead and skipped a few steps and started worrying that you might not heal at all, or at least not nearly as much as you hoped? You may be thinking, if I'm this bored and depressed now, what am I going to do if I never get much better? What if I can never go back to work or dirt biking? I had all of these thoughts (well, not the dirt biking part). Unfortunately for me, they turned out to the the case. Let's hope for you, it probably will not be the case. The worst part is not knowing. It's no wonder you're having anxiety attacks - anybody in your situation would. It's natural at this point if your sense of hope has started to turn into a sense of grief or loss for that independence you used to have, even if it's only a temporary
loss. The grief and anxiety is very valid, even if your situation is hopefully very short-lived. I won't lie to you, it is hard. There are days I can't imagine living like this much longer, either. But other days I count my blessings. Most days I wouldn't take back my old life - filled with stress and commuting and other meaningless things - for anything. Yes, this life is boring but I have the gift of time - real time to devote to my loved ones and friends and family. I know these words are probably of little comfort to you right now - I guess the point is just try to have faith that there is some reason for this. The meaning may or may not ever be obvious to you. But there is a meaning. Please try to hang in there - the thing that keeps me going is knowing how much people love me. Sounds like you are loved very much as well, try to hold on to that while you heal. And remember as everyone else says, you ARE still healing...try to be patient with your body. I know it's hard.

Tracy I do hope you've been able to talk about all of this with your husband? Your title of this thread implies you're a little torn on that subject...don't mean to pry but just to add my 2 cents I do think there are times to "put on the fake smile" and times to be completely honest with yourself and the people closest to you. I'm still trying to find the perfect balance myself. I think you owe it to both yourself and your loved ones to tell them how much you're hurting - not every single day necessarily - no one wants be around that - but at least once and then every once in a while when you really need
somebody to lean on. When you have that kind of ongoing support, it makes it a whole at easier to paste on the fake smile
when you really have to.

Please Take Care,
Hugs,
Nolina

PS - Dieting idea, have you ever tried Topamax? Like Neurontin, it's an anti-seizure drug sometimes prescribed off-label for neuropathic pain. I've been on it for couple weeks and lost 5 pounds without even trying! And that includes eating the whole jar of peanut butter by myself last week (Of course I would never suggest taking a med you don't need just to lose weight ) hasn't done much for the pain though. One note - pharmacist says it lowers effectiveness of oral contraceptives so watch out for that