[LinJane]

I just need some friends right now. First I am diagnosed with Disc herniation, 10 years ago; have disc replacement. Didn't work. Dianosed with TOS, have rib-resection/Scalanectomy in 2000. Pain free for years due to Dr. Togut. Love him. 2005 symptoms come back. Have seen Dr. Schwartzmann, Dr. Togut and recently Dr. Pappagallos. Confliction diagnosis, TOS, RSD, constriction of nerves and veins.

I am so at a loss. Fighting with husband. He doesn't believe I'm in pain. We fight constantly and am concerned. Causing chest pains and other issues. Also, he is isolationg me from my family.

Sorry, Linda

[DiMarie]

Originally Posted by LinJane

I just need some friends right now. First I am diagnosed with Disc herniation, 10 years ago; have disc replacement. Didn't work. Dianosed with TOS, have rib-resection/Scalanectomy in 2000. Pain free for years due to Dr. Togut. Love him. 2005 symptoms come back. Have seen Dr. Schwartzmann, Dr. Togut and recently Dr. Pappagallos. Confliction diagnosis, TOS, RSD, constriction of nerves and veins.

I am so at a loss. Fighting with husband. He doesn't believe I'm in pain. We fight constantly and am concerned. Causing chest pains and other issues. Also, he is isolationg me from my family.

Sorry, Linda

Linda don't be sorry for anything. We are all family here.
I wish I knew exactly what to say or have the answers, it is a difficult time. I do hope that you do not allow the isolation and use your great love of family to keep those you love close. I have seen spouses that are in not a good place try to isolate and turn other family against them to keep control. They do not want those people to hear or see how they treat you. Isolation is a control method.

You do need to find support....If you had a list or have some names follow up, you need to get rid of the chest anxiety to reduce the pain. The stress increases your pain, but you know that.

Having a supportive companion is not what TOSers generally have because they do not get the pain because you do not walk around with a cast on, there is no shoulder replacemtent or limb loss....No heart on the outside broken and draining.

it is like we need a sign to touch me with gentleness, and treat me with understanding and kindness. In return I will always be there for you as strong as I can be in my heart.

Hugs to you and I think of you so often and add to my list for prayers.
Di

[tshadow]

Boy, sounds familiar.

Don't you have the isolation part? Then you have no one to lean on - or run to. But if you still have my phone number, please feel free to call me in the evenings - (when I feel the best and can talk.)

I'd LOVE to be a sounding board, confidential, etc. We all need that sometimes, and Beth helped me a lot a couple of months ago.

LOVE to you.

[astern]

Linda, you always have friends here!

Something you said concerns me. Your DH is isolating you from the rest of the family!? Isolation is the FIRST tactic of a bully. Now, I don't know you or your marital situation... but in general terms, if you are being isolated (and/or bullied) the best line of defense it to TALK IT UP to anyone who will listen. And I don't mean talk up your health situation, talk up the fact that you are being isolated by DH and it's compounding your health issues. Friends, Family, Doctors, etc. Let everyone know what you are being subjected to.

Meanwhile, if DH does not believe your pain... I will be happy to talk to him. I'm sure many others would talk to him too. Personally, I think he'd take it more seriously if it came from a Male member of the forum. Guys are like that.

Your Dr. should read him the riot act!

[dreambeliever128]

I'm sorry to hear you are not doing good.

I agree with Astern on this about your Dr. talking to your husband. He could get to him better and Drs. do have a way of explaining what we can't.

My Dr. talked to Bill many of times explaining to him what I was going through. We had the same PCP and he knew both of our health issues so he helped Bill to understand what I was going through and helped me when we knew Bill wasn't going to make it.

Drs. don't have a stake in your life like your family or friends do so I don't think your husband would listen to them. He might get even angrier for letting them know but you do need to bring someone in to help both of you. Maybe councelling with a Councellor that is up on RSD and TOS.

Have you went to PT. A good Physical Therapist might help you some. Make sure they know about RSD and TOS.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Ada

[thursday]

We are here for you! I am saddened to hear about the terrible time you are having right now. Is there a local support group (church, other TOSers, etc) you can call on now? Our group here is great of course but I'm thikning you need a more tangible network available to you at your fingertips. In the meantime Please try and see the rainbow through the rain!

[LinJane]

One of my problems is that we see the same doctors. I have confided in one and it turned around to bite me in the butt. Basically, how dare I say anything about him. I called the doctors office after and let him hear about it. If you can't trust your doctor to speak to what do you do??? My obgyn is someone I have dealt with for 16 years. I am due to see her and think I'll ask her advise.

Yes, he is a bully. I get sick of being sweet so as not to cause and issue. He hasn't ever hit me, it is just the crap. Typical bully. I do love him but we are having business and financial issues like many others.

My daughter Ryann is home from college. When I try to explain the situation, she doesn't want to hear it. I told her that she better get used to it because her brothers have to deal with it and I want her to be aware. Not burden her.

The baby (6) doesn't notice a thing. I think when business picks up it will be ok. I'm just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for listening. Linda

[finz]

It's not "just the crap"

Emotional abuse hurts just as much as physical abuse.

I found couseling to be really helpful. It did not fix the problems in my marriage.....sort of the opposite, but at least now I know that he didn't change drastically after we married. He was never the man I thought he was. That makes me sad, but not as sad as I was when I thought if I could just do something differently, it would go back to how it used to be.

Being sick or in pain shows you who you can really depend on when the chips are down. Some spouses just don't make the cut

[gibbrn]

Hi,
I had an ex who was emotionally abusive and it hurt like hell. First thing he did was isolate me so when you say your husband is isolating you I worry. It is a scary situation to be in when the person you need the most is not doing what you need the most!!!

I think you need a really close g/f advice one who knows the two of you together AND YOU apart from him. best friend advice can hurt but also be so truthful and then helpful!

Not to be negative I just know what it was like and as I said he isolated me...took me away from ALL of my family then my friends....I was HIS and HIS alone.

However in your situation you need everybody and anybody who is willling to help you right now. From your housework to your mental status!!!!
All this is in need of help when we get into situations like you are in now.
I hate to use the term...feeling hopeless....but it hurts like hell and you need your supportive pals and family....esp hubby right now....

is there hope of a good long talk with him????? He needs to get it or there will never be any GOOD communication as far as your health is concerned!

Only my take on it! for what it's worth. I really hope you are in better spirits and are able to cope a little better.....each day is different...some you want to say goodbye others you smile and smell the roses.....but for the crappy ones you need your family!!! (that most definitely includes us!!!!)

love and hugs,
Victoria

[LinJane]

Thanks for all your help. Some days are better than others. My medical condition has been going on for 10 years and sometimes I think he just feels that he didn't sign up for this. Neither did I. I have a VERY supportive family. Unfortunately, the way he is acting, they don't come over when he is here. I won't let him stop me from seeing or talking to them. They all live within 15 minutes from me. But he is telling people lies about me to make them think I am unstable. Saying I am an unfit mother and he would take my kids from me. This is also while he was on an anti-depressant that was horrible for him. I love the way doctors prescribe anti-depressants tha the side affects are anger and suicidal. What the hell is that??

I try to start each day with a positive outlook and bite my tongue if it may **** him off.

I am trying to get an appointment with a family counselor. He won't go because he thinks this is my problem not his.

Sorry to you men out there but what is the deal that they yell at you, call you stupid and worthless and then want sex?? That's a great turn on.

Sorry for that.

Out business is air conditioning and heating. Due to weather and the economy, things are tight and that causes alot of stress.

I believe I am a strong woman and will continue to be. I am in control of my life and will not let anyone tell me differently.

Thanks for listening! Linda