Tessa I was able to find this forum and I will cut and paste my post. I was sad to see that people thought Ross was getting no family support. We love Ross very much and were very close to him until his mid-teens. We realise now that this was because he was withdrawing into his relationship with his girlfriend and his internet friends and cutting himself off from the family. In hindsight we can see that this was because of his TS and OCD. The psychiatrist Ross is seeing now has explained that Ross had a co-dependent relationship with his previous girlfriend and that there was no room for relationships with anyone else- including family.Ross was covering up so well that we thought he was just behaving like a any other teenage boy and we had no idea of the torment he was going through because of his illness. I hope when you read my post you will understand what it was like for us as his parents. We have had to fight every step of the way for help for Ross but we got very little support from the health professionals. Ross was not causing any problems inschool or the community- so no-one wanted to know and we just didn't understand the impact of his illness on him.

"Ross as a young child was a dream. He was very active, extremely bright, always happy and seemed to be good at everything he tried. Everyone he met loved him.
He excelled at school, at sport and at music. He was very popular and he was a loveable, well-behaved, happy child.
We noticed odd behaviours such as constant sniffing, throat-clearing, twitches etc but we put them down to lots of things.
At 11 I first suspected he might have Tourette's syndrome and a year later he was diagnosed.
Basically we were told he had TS, he was doing well, go off and forget about it- and we did.
Ross seemed to accept the diagnosis withoout a problem (obviously at that age he didn't understand it). We sent off for information, read it and thought "Ok but that's not our son he doesn't have those difficulties."
Ross went through a difficult time when he was about 15. We thought that it was just that teenage thing of feeling different compounded by the fact that he had tics, so we didn't take it too seriously. We did get him referred to a psychiatrist but he confirmed what we felt.
Ross tried to tell the dr that he thought he had OCD and that he had thoughts of self-harm and suicide. The dr still felt that there was no real problem and we trusted him.
Ross meanwhile was still doing well academically but had started dropping out of many of the other activities he did and showing some social anxieties. He also had a girlfriend. She is a lovely girl and I really did like her but the relationship was completely intense and they began shutting everyone else out and creating a world of their own.
Ross was still a model son and pupil but we felt we didn't really know him the way we knew our other two children. He was never moody or angry but it was as if he kept his feelings tightly under control.
Almost three years later his girlfriend ended the relationship and Ross' world fell apart. He had built it around her and without her his safe world no longer existed and he just couldn't cope.
He dropped out of school and stopped seeing most of his friends. He even went through weeks of staying in his bedroom and only coming out when everyone else was sleeping.
We tried to talk to him but it only made him withdraw more and we were terrified of pushing him over the edge.
We have had to go privately to get Ross psychiatric help and a year later we are in limbo.
Ross is still alive and ,as we now know that he has srongs compulsions to end his life, this is something we are thankful for every day.
He attempted going back to college but he just couldn't cope with "normality" and having to go out of the house on a daily basis.
He has a new girlfriend whom he sees about once a week and he plays a little football once a week with his dad. Occassionally we can get him to go shopping or out for something to eat.
Ross has now been diagnosed with OCD and dissociation- something I feel that his previous dr totally overlooked because we can see in hindsight that these have been present throughout his teens.
I look at photos of our family when Ross was growing up and my heart breaks when I look at the little boy we had then and I wonder where he went to. He was so enthusiastic and had such a thirst for life and fun and now he is troubled and anxious or else he appears to be living behind a mask.
His dr gave him medication that was supposed to "ground him" and put him in touch with how he was really feeling. He couldn't cope with that feeling. It was terrifying for him and us and I really feel we came close to losing him the weekend he was taking it.
Ross's tics are not so bad but they are there almost 24/7 which is exhausting for him. However it is the OCD and dissociation which seem to have taken over his life and left him in this limbo. He just cannot cope with thinking of the future so he refuses to talk about it.
I have cried rivers of tears alone over my "lost boy" I just worry so much about what will become of him.
I love Ross dearly but I feel that in not pushing for help earlier and believing that Ross knew what was wrong with him, I have in many ways lost my wonderful son."

Dear hereandnow
I am so glad Tessa pointed you here and really welcome you I used to ask Ross to put you in touch with me, but he seemed to feel you wouldnt understand what he recognised years ago as OCD and self harm problems. I am so glad you are here, and so wish it wasnt because of the way things have been for Ross and for your family and you.

If Ross would ever like to connect with me again, do tell him Chemar/Cheri and her son "Wood" say Hi. He was in contact with us by email for a while but then we didnt hear from him or see him on the old BT board for a long time. Sadly when that board crashed, all the posts disappeared too> It would have been so helpful for you to be able to read his posts when he first joined, and then onward. We all cared about cool_gadget as he was known, and he was a real inspiration to many of the parents for his upbeat and yet caring attitude, and his care about his future and academics etc.

My son also has TS and OCD, and he and Ross were able to communicate.
Honestly, Ross never suggested that you didnt love him or try to provide help......he seemed more frustrated that the doctors were saying he was ok when he knew he wasnt, and that he didnt feel he was able to communicate that to you, nor to get your support for the alternative treatments he seemed eager to try, as I dont think he felt the medication he was on was helping him. He was very very worried about the OCD and the potential for self harm, and I did ask him often to try to connect you and me as I felt my experience with my son could maybe shed some light for you. But he seemed adamant that you wouldnt understand. I think perhaps he was so concerned at disappointing you maybe, to have to express to you what OCD was for him and that you wouldnt understand that he couldnt help what he was thinking/feeling/doing related to the OCD. I guess he felt you accepted the doctor's view and wouldnt understand that he really wasnt ok.

When I heard he and his girlfriend had split I was concerned already as I know he seemed totally devoted to her and that she was "his world", so I know that must have been devastating for him.


well, that is all then and what matters is now........please know that I am here as are many other caring people, to offer you and Ross our support and whatever we can to help you through this.
I went through very dark days of worry and despair 7 years ago when my son was pre teen and his symptoms were then at their very worst and so I know how you feel

Please do let Ross know he is in my thoughts and prayers, and that I do hope he will connect with us again.

and my prayers are lifted for you too, hereandnow. It's so clear how much you love your precious Ross.

sincerely
Cheri

Chemar you are right that we believed the doctor rather than Ross. This was partly because we knew so little about TS and nothing about OCD being associated with it. Ross is still the only person we have ever met who has a diagnosis of TS. It was also partly because we were in denial.
Ross was not just an "ordinary" boy he was and is exceptional. He is extremely bright, musical, sporty and people just seemed to be attracted to him. We just didn't want to believe that our wonderful son had a condition that was going to affect him the rest of his life. We can see in hindsight that to Ross it was as if we could not accept him as he was and this was adding to his confusion,fear and his loss of confidence. I think it is only now we are starting to come to terms with Ross' illness and hopefully it is not too late to rebuild our relationship with our son and show him that we have always loved him.
Ross is improving slowly and I know a big part of it has to be us standing back and giving him the space to sort out who he is and where he is going with his future. Not always easy because we -as parents- just want to be able to make things right for him. But I am trying to cope with the realisation that he is the only one who can do that and all I can do is love him and give him space and a safe place to do that for himself.

I am so glad to hear that things are improving hereandnow

Hoping to hear from Ross too if and when he feels ready. I do hope you will also stay in touch and come here anytime you need support. I learned years ago that I sometimes needed to chat with others who understand...just to help me get perspective or to release the tension and find encouragement to move forward

my prayers remain lifted for Ross, and for you.

Cheri