I feel imprisoned by my new brain. I feel like Charley Gordon in the second half of the book "Flowers for Algernon", where Charley's genius starts to diminish and his mental capabilities decline to his previous retarded self. Okay, I wasn't really a genius, and I am not heading towards retardation, but my mental abilities have diminished greatly. It's really frustrating to have to deal with these limitations because I know I used to be a lot more capable; instead of dreaming of becoming a professor or lawyer, I have to set my sights lower and relegate myself to less mentally taxing occupations such as delivering pizzas or being a Wal-Mart greeter.

I'm really self-conscious about my mental slip-ups and how people perceive me. I myself get frustrated with inarticulate word mushers, and I myself have become an inarticulate word musher. I really want to understand the works of great philosophers such as Kierkegaard and Aristotle, but my brain will only allow me to have a very shallow understanding of such works of complexity. I have a great hunger for knowledge and understanding complex ideas, but the incredible effort involved to even have a loose grasp of such complex ideas leaves me frustrated. I feel like a starving person who has access to abundant food but suffers from sever diarrhea; no matter how much information I eat, a lot of it just goes through my brain without getting processed.

I feel stuck. I envy those who are brilliant. I admire intelligence and creative thinking, but I know I will never come close to achieving the mental abilities I once had. I feel lesser-than around smart people, and I often feel lesser-than so-called average people.

Hi No tbi and welcome to our little brain boo boo club.

We all understand the pain you're feeling over your lost intellectual capacity. A tbi strikes at the very essence of our identity.

How recent is your injury? You sound like you are in a deep period of mourning. I am three years out and still struggling not to compare old me with new (but definitely not improved) me.

I have to admit that I don't buy the stuff about this being a new beginning I should embrace. It sucks - but I'm stuck with it and I have to make do.

For me, I find it helps not to give up. I have done a lot of cognitive, physical and speech therapy and I am functioning a lot better than before. I won't lie to you, it's hard to get excited over being able to count backwards when you used to have a highly skilled job and a bright future.

Still, the therapy I've done has made my daily life less frustrating and more bearable. I also refuse to give up hope that there will be better treatments in the future - and I want to be ready for them.

Also, try not to underestimate your potential for recovey. A member here told me that Abraham Lincoln had suffered a serious tbi before becoming President. I try to remember that when I'm struggling.

Cheers

I had a concussion back in 1995 and suffered serve whiplash in 1998. The concussion occurred after falling 8 feet (2.44 m) from a window on my head. I blacked out for a few hours and woke up in the hospital with amnesia. The doctors provided zero cognitive rehabilitation and just sent me home with a cast for my broken arm. The whiplash incident occurred while I was boogie boarding and duck dived under a wave. The board hit my head, causing a major jolt in my brain and neck. My neck was in great pain and I could barely move it. I was also very dizzy and nearly passed out. I went to see a chiropractor for a few adjustments and that's it.

Since the TBI incidents, I've noticed a gradual steady decline in my short term memory, verbal skills, and my ability to just "get" things. I used to be able to just remember things effortlessly in an almost involuntary manner, now I have to make conscious effort to memorize things by using mnemonics and repetition; and even then, my ability to memorize is crap. I also used to be in the gifted and talented program in elementary and was often the top 2% student in my classes. Now I'd say I am merely average to below average in my cognitive abilities.

I just try to keep my brain active by doing puzzles, experiencing new things, and keeping my brain stimulated. I have doubts that I will be able to be 100% and will have to just learn to cope and make the best of what I have. I really want to have a neuro-psychological assessment to find out where my deficits are and work on improving them, but I currently don't have health insurance and it will be months until I do have health insurance. Since my brain injuries occurred many years ago, my road to recovery is probably highly limited, but any bit of help will be appreciated.

Yes Abe Lincoln and many other brilliant people have suffered various degrees of brain injury. I guess learning about their injuries provides me with a little hope, but then I realize everyone has different genes, everyone experienced different types of head injuries with differing levels of severity and respond differently to various types of head injuries. Essentially no two TBI are the same. Moreover, it seems that no one ever completely is 100% after a severe TBI. I'm sure Abe Lincoln was brilliant before his concussion, and was probably slightly less brilliant post-concussion.

no tbi,

** I have had on and off cognitive struggles since 1965. Some from concussions. Others from stressful events.

Concussions can cause a decrease in intelligence but often times just slow processing and other cognitive functions that require a better application of our intelligence. Those with the higher intelligence often notice declines in cognitive function that do not lower their intelligence. It just requires that they learn new techniques to access that intelligence.

hi

sorry you have struggled so long , we are all islands when it come to brain injury, and as you rightly say, the injury manifests differently depending on the area and age/ personality of the sufferer take Abe Lincoln Vs Rain Man fixation is a common theme be it on numbers or social justice . glad you found us we have found a good use for the web, the feeling of loss and down gradement is something I think is the hardest to bare ,and the watching it happen to one,s self and knowing its happened sucks

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE
I have found to be true

no tbi,

There are lots of questions I would like to ask you so I can point you in a direction for some help. This forum is not for diagnostic purposes so asking specific questions can be problematic.

I have had cognitive problems from brain trauma, severe high fever, and extreme or long term emotional stress.

At one point, I was being treated by a psychiatrist for my cognitive struggles that sound a lot like yours. I had difficulty finishing sentences. I would lose track of my train of thought, This could happen mid-sentence. The psychiatrist diagnosed me as depressed or in the terms of the day, having a nervous breakdown. I did not have any of the sad or "stinkin' thinkin' " that commonly accompanies depression. I was just without the ability to think or feel about just about anything.

This MD got me on my nutrition/vitamin program that is my regimen to this day. I have fallen from the nutrition wagon from time to time but since my head injury in 2001, my vitamin/supplement regimen is mandatory for daily function.

As I hit my mid 40's, my struggles became worse. Since then, my ability to recover from even a minor head trauma became almost nil. Also since then, I have studied and research brain injuries and brain health extensively.

There are some Post Concussion Symptoms that are age related, others that are lifestyle related. By learning to understand our symptoms, we can also learn ways of accommodating or working around them. The memory tricks work for some people but not for others. They are useless for me. I have been told to take notes but I forget to write things down or I forget what I was going to write down while I am looking for the pen and paper.

We all have to work at understanding our strengths and weaknesses so we can work within them to adapt. The stress and anxiety of fighting with our struggles is counter-productive. I choose to focus my energies at the many work-arounds and accommodations. It all starts with accepting your current condition. We can't move forward until we know where we are.

No_tbi,

There are things you can do to better your situation but first, you need an attitude adjustment. Getting down on yourself because of your injuries is not going to help anything. Actually, your depressed mood could hinder your recovery. Rehabilitation is truly 85% attitude. The John's Wayne Cancer Institute even conducted a study that showed those with "bad" attitudes were significantly less likely to make it through their cancer then those with a "good" attitude. Also, at this point, you don't know how much recovery you can make because you haven't begun any rehab program. You may make a complete recovery or you may not make any recovery at all. The main thing is not to worry about that until you get to that point. So, chin up as you begin your recovery process.

First, you need to ascertain whether or not you have damaged your pituitary and HPA axis. If you're not familiar with these terms, your pituitary gland is your "master hormone" gland and it often gets damaged from whiplash or a head injury. It sends out the signals to your other glands to produce the correct hormones for proper functioning. Your HPA axis (hypthalamic - pituitary - adrenal axis) is responsible for regulating stress in your body. Often times, after a traumatic event your this is significantly disturbed. Most of the time it will reset itself on its own but sometimes intervention is required. You will need to get the following tests done: TSH, FT4, FT3, RT3, Growth Hormone, Testosterone (free and bound), complete metabolic panel, B12 and Vitamin D. Ensure that you go to an MD or DO who specializes in hormone replacement therapy and not an endocrinologist or GP (they are completely clueless when it comes to hormone replacement therapy). Also, in order to get insurance to pay for it you will need an MD or DO. To assess adrenal functioning, you will need to get a 24 hour saliva test done. If you can't find a doctor, or don't want to go through one, you can order these tests on your own without a prescription. Just ask and I'll give you the info on that.

Second, you need to find a LENS neurofeedback practioner in your area. LENS neurofeedback is quickly becoming very popular for rehabilitating brain injuries. It is an FDA registered device and is currently being reviewed by the Veterans Administration for use on Iraqi/Afghanastan war vets with brain injuries. You should also get the book "The healing power of neurofeedback" by Dr. Stephan Larsen. It gives a history of the evolution of LENS and gives some case studies. The one I like is the girl who has sustained 4 serious head injuries and she made a complete recovery after doing the LENS. Just google "LENS and your town/city" and you should be able to find one in your area. If you need help, let me know. Also, other neurofeedback modalities are also effective for treating head injuries. So, if you can't find a LENS practitioner, another practitioner who is experienced in treating head injuries may suffice.

Third, you need to ascertain if you have damaged your vestibular system. This includes your inner ear, temples, and cerebellum. You can do this through an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist or you can find a physical therapist who specializes in this therapy and have them diagnose you directly. IF you don't have insurance, the latter route will save you some money. If you have damaged it, then you should begin therapy to rehab that.

Fourth, you may also want to get in touch with a Upper Cervical Chiropractor. Many times with a whiplash injury you damage your upper cervical area, which can cause problems with balance and cognitive functioning.

Caveat: Some of these will be covered by your insurance and others will not. If you are in financial need, be sure to contact your State's brain injury association to see if there are any resources for you to use. Also, many times the doctors themselves will offer significant discounts for those who quialify for them.

Good Luck!

Great post.

As hard as it is, I agree with you about trying to keep a positive attitude. However, I recall another recent study saying that outlook did not influence morbidity in cancer patients. Still, I figure it's always better to try and make the best of whatever time you've got. I don't like what happened to me, but life isn't a video game I can pause or start over when it doesn't go the way I'd hoped. I've mourned and now I want to go forward.

Anyway, my saliva glands are pretty much DOA now. (The positive is that my pillow is no longer soaked in drool.) Does that mean my adrenal gland is messed up? My neuro never said that. I can't even get him to give me artifical saliva to help with digestion. My stomach is killing me.

Hockey,

I'm not sure if adrenal glands relate to saliva glands or not, but the fact that you have malfunctioning saliva glands could mean a pituitary dysfunction. The pituitary gland is the "master gland" that regulates all of the other glands in the body. Although the pituitary gland is well protected in the skull, it often becomes damaged from a TBI. So, it may be worth getting either an IGF-1 test (to test your anterior pituitary functioning) or an ACTH stim test. The latter is a very involved and expensive test that should be covered by your insurance provider. This test is considered the gold standard for assessing pituitary function.

You can perform two simple home tests on your adrenal glands. For the first test, get a good thermometer, preferably a mercury thermometer although these are hard to come by these days, and take your temperature orally three hours after you wake up, then two more times every three hours. Then average the temps for the day. Do this for 5 consecutive days. If your temps vary by more than 0.2 degrees Fahrenheit, then your adrenals are not functioning properly. The second test involves a mirror, a dark room and a small flashlight. Go into a dark room with a mirror and your flashlight. Stare into the mirror and shine the flashlight about 1 inches in front of your eyes from the side angle. Your pupils should constrict and stay constricted. If your adrenals are not functioning properly, your pupils will constrict then dilate after about 10 seconds.

And your Neuro probably has no clue about these tests. Remember, most medical doctors are not taught to treat the body holistically. It has only been in the last 5 years that doctors are being taught to do this based on the research that is coming out. So, it probably never even dawned on your neuro to test your endocrine system. And my guess is that if you asked him/her, he/she would probably tell you there is no relation. Your best bet is to find a hormone specialist or anti aging specialist. Most of them offer free consults so you can get a feel if they would be knowledgeable enough to treat you.

This is actually a very important topic to bring up. A lot of the research involving TBI recovery is now geared towards hormone imbalance. They are finding that a lot of people who don't make good recoveries from mtbi's have hormone issues. Once the hormone issues a dealt with, the person makes a good recovery.

Hey I know it's been a while but just have a question. Could it take a few days for a bump to appear after an injury?