[Phyxius]

A couple of you guys may remember me from a few months ago. I posted here for a short while.

I've been a stranger for the last couple of months because I've been busy with school and trying not to be a scatter-brained blithering idiot. I'm afraid I'm a failure at both.

The last time I posted here I left thinking that I could beat the odds and show everybody what I could do. I had started Ritalin and was hoping that it was just what I needed to help me get through school.

Fast forward to now-- I'm on amantadine and off of the Ritalin, the wonderful medicare prescription drug plan won't pay for Ritalin because my diagnosis is TBI and not ADD/ADHD.

I think I pretty much blew my chances of getting into the language program
I was wanting desperately to get into at school.
All because I can't seem to stay focused if something is going on while I'm trying to concentrate. While giving my final presentation today in sign language, this girl in my class kept talking. I totally forgot what I was saying and blew the whole thing. My professor(who's deaf) was oblivious. At the end we were to grade ourselves with a rubric. I totally refused, I was so upset at myself. I left. Unfortunately that was the last class before they decide who is accepted into the language program.

This professor had told me I needed to work on not getting so distracted. I thought I could beat this TBI thing. I thought if I just worked harder than the other students, spent more time on homework, and wanted it more-- then I could willpower this thing away. I can't make it budge. Damn I'm mad standing on the edge of this cliff!
Sorry so long.