A couple of you guys may remember me from a few months ago. I posted here for a short while.

I've been a stranger for the last couple of months because I've been busy with school and trying not to be a scatter-brained blithering idiot. I'm afraid I'm a failure at both.

The last time I posted here I left thinking that I could beat the odds and show everybody what I could do. I had started Ritalin and was hoping that it was just what I needed to help me get through school.

Fast forward to now-- I'm on amantadine and off of the Ritalin, the wonderful medicare prescription drug plan won't pay for Ritalin because my diagnosis is TBI and not ADD/ADHD.

I think I pretty much blew my chances of getting into the language program
I was wanting desperately to get into at school.
All because I can't seem to stay focused if something is going on while I'm trying to concentrate. While giving my final presentation today in sign language, this girl in my class kept talking. I totally forgot what I was saying and blew the whole thing. My professor(who's deaf) was oblivious. At the end we were to grade ourselves with a rubric. I totally refused, I was so upset at myself. I left. Unfortunately that was the last class before they decide who is accepted into the language program.

This professor had told me I needed to work on not getting so distracted. I thought I could beat this TBI thing. I thought if I just worked harder than the other students, spent more time on homework, and wanted it more-- then I could willpower this thing away. I can't make it budge. Damn I'm mad standing on the edge of this cliff!
Sorry so long.

Phyxius,

Don't get so down on yourself. This was beyond your control. The work-arounds and accommodations that most of us use for distraction issues are counter to your objective. I can't imaging you using ear plugs to block the background sounds.

You professor is totally ignorant of your struggles. It would be interesting if while you were signing to him, he had to also see a sign conversation going on in behind you. Maybe then he would have a better understanding.

You can no better ignore the distractions than a torn water filter can deliver finely filtered water. Your brain's filter is broken. I have been living with this symptom for ten years. I have tried all kinds of ways to overcome it. Even when I can overcome background noise, it is a haphazard skill. I can be doing great and then suddenly find my mind off on a different trail.

I do not drive because of this. I can drive safely the vast majority of the time. It is those uncontrollable times that are the risk. I never know when they are going to happen.

Take this as a great lesson about who you are now. You tried your best.

Maybe you can still find opportunities to help the hearing impaired without the translator certification. Maybe you can study some specific area of history and become a docent for a historical site or museum. Having signing skills does not mean you would be signing all day, but would be the go-to docent for the deaf groups.

BTW, My wife is training to be a Census worker and had the same problem trying to listen to a lecture. There were some talkers near her that made it all but impossible to follow the lecturer. And she does not have any distraction problems.

Stay strong.

My best to you.

Mark,
I think I'm more angry about how I handled the fact that I got distracted after the fact than I am that I got distracted in the 1st place. I don't know I'm just beside myself about all of it.
I was just hoping that this would get better. I have been working with a physical therapist on learning to walk again. The distractability has even affected that. Believe it or not, walking can take concentration if you are learning it again. I lose concentration,end up stepping on my feet, my therapist telling at me to pay attention, and me hanging on to the bars for dear life and the therapist holding on to me.

Phyx,

Has your PT done any electrical stimulation? Research says that is can help your brain become aware of your muscles. The issue you are dealing with is due to dormant neural cells. They can be stimulated from either end, the brain or muscles. By stimulating them at the muscle end with artificial electrical stimulation, the brain cells get a jolt. The brain cells then look for that signal again. The more TENS the brain receives, the more it looks for those signals.

Even massaging your legs causes them to send signals to the brain. You have three types of signals. Touch (pressure, temperature, and pain), position, and action. The action signal goes from the brain to the muscle. The others go from the extremity to the brain. Pushing these last two to the brain may be helpful.

I am not surprised that you are struggling so with distraction. If your brain still has so much healing to do in the motor control which is very simple compared to psyche (thought), it would sound logical that the psyche brain cells have even more work to recover.

btw, Your getting upset is a normal symptom of mTBI. You will be ahead if you anticipate over-reacting so that you can try to avoid the triggers.

Hey Mark, I have noticed that if I hit my legs with my fists they work a little better for a few minutes. There must be something to that. My therapist hasn't done the TENS unit. She does use pressure at different times when my tone gets bad and my feet wants to turn under and do other strange things.

Have you ever heard of being unable to manipulate or control one's extremities without seeing them? This is where I get in trouble. I have to be able to see my legs to move them better. When we're practicing the walking, If there are other people's feet walking beside mine, then I can't tolerate it because I can't tell which feet I'm supposed to be moving. You ever heard of that?

Phyx,

Has you heard of horse therapy? It can be very helpful. As you ride the horse, your brain starts to think you are plodding along. It recognizes this motion and awakens the walking systems in your brain. William Schattner of Star Trek has a foundation that promotes this therapy. There is an association with a web site at: http://www.narha.org/ The link to find a local Therapeutic Riding Center is: http://www.narha.org/Centers/FindCenter2.asp

The nerves you need to stimulate are called proprioceptive nerves. They tell your brain what position that part of the body is in. I have a problem with this nerve system occasionally. It used to be chronic. If I wanted to move my arm a little bit, as I started to move it, it would go ballistic and fly across my body. This was usually when I was in bed. I would start to roll over toward my wife and my arm and/or knee would end up flying at her.

In my case, it was likely due to some inflammation in my neck/brain stem/occipital lobes. Once I learned the body/neck positions that aggravated this inflammation, it became a rare event. One of the other symptoms was when I would lose sense of my body. It was like I was a head on a body that did not exist. There was no sensation of where my body should be.

This same nerve inflammation causes Central Sleep Apnea. My body stops pulling breaths, until it hits the critical mass of CO2 to cause me to jerk back into breathing. My father had Central Sleep Apnea for over 30 years. It slowly robbed him of his mental capacities.

How is your sleep? Do you wake up refreshed or tired? Do you feel sleepy during the day?

As vini said, you have plenty of time. Slow down and try to enjoy the process of recovery. The improvements may come slow but they will come. You will be a better person for learning to wait on your body.

Phyx,

time is on your side, rushing to get over any injury can,t help things, the door to the program you wish to complete is not shut, I know when your young it seems that, things have to happen when they are supposed too, but us oldies ,know they seldom do I am upset that your doctors have not helped you more, in giving you the time you need, don,t be hard on your self, the tortoise and the hare springs to mind
or Robert the Bruce

you will get there in the end