[bruins06]

I am 19 years old, and played competitive hockey my entire life. 2 years ago I had a terrible concussion, my 4th during a game. For the first time in my life, I experienced symptoms of post concussion. This completely changed everything. I was always known to my peers along with anybody that knew me to be extremely outgoing, confident, and intellectually sound. I never had any problems making friends and could fit into any situation. Not to say I was always completely happy, but my life was pretty good. The symptoms hit me hard. I remember feeling extremely extremely depressed about a week after the hit. I took myself out of hockey entirely, realizing that this feeling is something I can't afford to feel again. My outlook on life changed entirely, which I knew was a direct result of this concussion. I felt in a permanent haze, and felt "weird." This feeling is impossible to really describe in words, but can be summarized by just not feeling right or like yourself. Something was extremely wrong, and I was truly afraid. About 7 months later, I came out of it finally. My happiness returned, and I finally felt my confidence come back with my intellect, focus, and motivation. My entire life, previous to the concussion I considered myself a very social person. I could talk to anyone, given any situation, which gave me confidence about myself. When this returned, life couldn't be better.
Long story short, about 3 months ago the symptoms have returned with vengence. I got hit with a basketball at the end of my freshman year in college. It didn't hit me that hard, but I remember being jarred up from it. All of a sudden, I'm right back where I started. My focus is horrible again. My motivation, gone. I'm right back to that "weird" feeling that I cannot seem to get out of, no matter what I do. I try everything to get myself out of it, but to no avail. My thought process is slowed. I feel less intelligent then I did before. I have racing thoughts, weird thoughts that I have no idea why I am thinking them. I almost feel that I am not in touch with reality anymore. Many people tell me that they cannot tell by talking to me briefly that something is wrong. But something is terribly wrong. It is almost impossible to describe. I am extremely scared, and nervous as to when this will go away. I rarely have headaches, which is unusual from all the reading I've done. However, I do feel a pressure at the top of my head, that I definitely feel. I start a new school in September, which I need to get better for. I don't have time to feel like this. This time around with post-concussion, my social anxiety is much worse. I don't want to see anybody, and get extremely nervous when I do. I am used to being so social and good with people, and now because of this syndrome that all is lost. I don't go out with my friends anymore, and they are left asking all sorts of questions. I stay home, praying that this will go away so I can resume my life, confident and feeling my normal self.
I had to vent somewhere, and was wondering if anybody had any sort of comments to my story, or if they have experienced some of the same effects. Anything. Thanks.

[Margarite]

Sorry to hear about the personality change, that really stinks, but it is totally one of the pcs symptoms. Have you had a CT scan or seen a neurologist? The CT will make sure that there is nothing physically wrong that can be fixed and the neurologist may be able to help. (I have heard that they can work wonders) personally I know a little about what your saying, but my personality thing is that I am cranky because I have had a constant headache for a year and a half. I have not seen a neurologist, but I plan to within the next six months, before I switch to a new college in January. The PCS caused me to get the first C of my life, it has caused me to have to stop all my favorite activities like dancing, rock climbing, and doing anything that might raise my pulse. I have read in a few places that people learn "coping methods" but I have yet to find one. Meds are out because they actually make the problems worse and the only other thing I can think of is to stay by myself in a dark room sleeping all the time...ha ha ha...We still have to live life and we want to live it to the fullest....grrrrrrrrrrrr... OK, anyways,
The advise I would give is try to find ways to slowly, slowly push yourself out of your newly made shell. Realize that you might be a different person on the outside, but in reality that same person is still there. Maybe focus more on studies and reading on your own and when you feel better go out with friends. I will admit, I think I weighed down my friends and I think switching schools this year is going to be the best thing for them, and going to a school with thousands of students where I can just hide when I need to will be good for my health if not my desires...
I'm sorry I am so gloomy, lately my headaches have been really bad making me grumpy.
I will say a prayer for you!
Good luck on your journey!

[Mark in Idaho]

rkell03,

The changes you are experiencing are entirely normal. First, go to www.tbiguide.com and download and print out and read the TBI Survival Guide. Have your family and friends read it, too.

After the number of concussions you have had, you need to accept that your brain will be very sensitive to concussion for the rest of your life. If you want to have any recovery that lasts, you will need to avoid any additional hits or even slight jarring to your head. The rest of your life depends on you avoiding these impacts. There are plenty of activities that do not put your head at risk. Basketball, baseball, softball, soccer, lacrosse, field hockey, all are considered contact sports.

You will have enough risk of a head impact in normal life without risking it in sports.

The seclusion is a common symptom of PCS. It is called schizoid personality disorder. It may be a protective mechanism or a radical change in personality. I have undergone a number of personality changes due to concussions over the past 45 years. I have become convinced that there is a need for PCS subjects to have access to a way to relearn some of the lost social skills that were second nature.

Having your good friends read the TBI Survival Guide may help them understand you better. otherwise, some friends think you are shutting them out. Hopefully, your real friends will come to your aid and support you.

margarite said <The CT will make sure that there is nothing physically wrong that can be fixed and the neurologist may be able to help. (I have heard that they can work wonders)> Unfortunately, very few neurologist have any idea of how to help with PCS, much less give you a supportive diagnosis. A CT scan would not be indicated unless you are having excruciating headaches and/or serious balance, vision, or coordination symptoms.

For the time being at least, get to know the new you. The old you may never come back. The anxiety of wanting the old you will be counter productive. The new you can have a full and rewarding life. It will just be a bit different. As you recognize trigger that cause symptoms (loud sounds, bright lights, chaos, excessive mental effort) and learn to moderate them, you will be able to have longer periods of symptoms free life.

The worst problem with PCS is it teaches us its most important lessons the hardest ways. If we refuse to learn, the lessons just get harder, like having multiple concussions.

There are plenty of coping methods or work arounds. Most are found after a symptom is accepted as real and then an attempt is made to find a way to avoid the symptom. Post you struggles and someone will have a suggestion. I have zillions of tricks and such to get things done.

So, try to think, How can I work with my symptoms, rather than against them? The new you is very capable. You just need to learn the new ways to get things done.

My best to you.

[EddysHead]

The download link to the TBI survival guide doesn't work.

[Mark in Idaho]

As I posted to another thread. Send me a Private Message (PM) with your e-mail address and i will send a copy of the TBI Survival Guide file in Word doc format. It is a large file 3.4 mb so make sure your email system has room for a large file.
Click on my name to the upper left and select Private Message.

[RUAL]

About a year ago I suffered a concussion, mild traumatic brain injury, etc... And I experienced all of the things that you post. I will tell you that I am finally getting better. The difficult part of this recovery is that no one understands what you are going through, only those who have suffered the same type of concussion injury. You have to try not to over compensate but allow your brain to heal. Slow and steady, don't exert yourself mentally or physically. What worked for me was to accept how I felt as a symptom of recovery, and nothing more then that. The more I wanted to feel "normal" again the more it was difficult to accept how I was feeling. But I accepted the "strange" and yes scary feelings with an understanding that my brain was healing. Don't over analyze things and don't get caught up in over researching brain injury information. A good neurologist is helpful, but good luck findng one. Other things that helped me, was taking Omega 3 fish oils twice a day and B12 once per day. Drink plenty of water, absolutlly NO alcohol or other intoxicants while you heal. Exercise is helpful, but no over exertion, as this sometimes intensifies the hazy / foggy feeling. Give yourself plenty of time to relax, your favorite music can also be helpful. Check out Lumosity Memory Games they can be helpful. Again don't over analyze or research too many topics, there is no "silver bullet". Give yourself time to heal. In time you will get better. Prayer and faith is helpful too.
Best of luck on your road to recovery.