In the mornings when I wake up I always feel so pumped and full of energy...Quite motivated I'll say, to do some chores around the house.
Then, I get side tracked and end up doing nothing..... I'm just so damn BORED doing "nothing" all the time, but at the same time could really care less about doing "anything" half the time....I hope that makes since.

How the heck do I "get with the program" & pull myself out of the rut??
Why does it have to be so difficult...still after almost 4 damn yrs to function like a "normal" person?
I have a "To Do List" that's modified, but I tend to "forget" to use it....is it that I'm "forgetting" or just "ignoring"?
I'm frustrated today.... frustrated with myself, frustrated with this stupid brain injury & concussion stuff. I just really want it to "go away" leave me alone & pick on somebody it's own size....I'm done with it & so flippin' over it....
Please somebody ... anybody ... I need some advise.
What worked/works for you to motivate yourself to do something?
How do I stop being so damn "self endulged", self-absorbed" .... how do I "get the hell out of my own head" ...
I NEVER used to do this, so why now?
I've acknowledged it ... (a long time ago) ... but it's still NOT CHANGING........GRRRRRR

Try giving yourself one chore to do each day. Just one. Maybe decide on it the night before and write it on a note to yourself that you tape on the bathroom mirror. Have your husband help you with this if it seems too overwhelming to decide what to do or writing the note is too frustrating.

Do your chosen chore first thing in the morning when you seem to function better. Do it the best you can, allowing yourself to make mistakes. Please don't expect yourself to be perfect. No one is. Don't worry about anything else that has to be done, just the one chore.

Try to avoid distractions. Keep the TV off. Concentrate only on the one task. You are learning a new skill here. Concentration can be hard. I, personally, find it helpful to give myself a pep talk as I try to do something that used to be easy but is now hard.

I say, "You can do it. You're doing good, girl. Look how much you've done already. Keep going. You can do it."

Sometimes you may need help staying on track in the beginning. Get your kids to help you stay on track. Have your husband help you remember what has to be done to finish your task. You have a wonderful support system right there. Don't do it all alone.

It may take hours to finish your task. That's okay. Don't get mad at yourself. Remember how long it used to take your kids to do something they just learned when they were little? Buttoning their own shirt probably took 5 times longer than if you helped them.

But they got better with practice. So will you. Have faith. Faith in yourself. Faith that your family can and will help you. You can do it. I know you can.


Annie

Hey Annie,

Thanks for the feedback.

It been almost 4 yrs now of what feels like pure hell for not just me but my family as well.

I'm just now beginning to reach out for help in dealing with all the "madness" I feel like I create for myself, not to mention my family.

I've pretty much "just recently" started placing these color coded sticky notes litterally everywhere, as friendly reminders to myself not to forget.

Now I just need to remember to look at the list (modified list) and "get motivated" to actually do it.....I'm no longer motivated to really do anything.

I really am a perfectionist, always was, & I have a HUGE problem with being hard on myself. I know I'm perfect by no means.

I have a really hard time dealing with, saying or thinking "I can't" do certain things.
I still, after 4yrs, have a hard time "accepting" the new me, who I don't like or know.

I'm afraid to say these things in front of or to my kidos, husband, family & friends.
They're going through a lot themselves just watchiing & seeing some of the silly stuff I've done or do.

This morning I was sitting on the back deck & my son (15) came out there with a silly puzzled look on his face.....holding the remote to the stero.......and said "ugh, hey mom, you alright". I didn't think a thing about the remote, he kinda chuckled as he sat down still looking at me & I was still clueless....he ask again (while still chuckleing) as he layed the "frozen remote control" in my hand!!!!

Wow....that was embarrasing!!! Oh yeah, his buddy from school is the one to find the remote I stuck in the freezer!!!!

Learning to laugh at myself is hard sometimes cause of the frustration.....still relearning that one!!!

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have zero motivation anymore. I put on some background music when I clean or do laundry. TV has to be off or I will get distracted. As far as other more though provoking tasks I have trouble staying on track too. I have a dry erase board in my kitchen and 4 different colors of marker, I make a list of things that need to be done and mark them off as I finish them. I usually will get about half my list done in a day. It's everything from get clothes out of dryer to pay house payment. I guess it helps and you can see what you accomplished. I leave what didn't get done on the board and add to it everyday. If you find there is 1 task that never seems to get done make that your only task one day.

Toni,

As much as your son was trying to not be critical of you, in reality, he was not being helpful. In our state of mind, we do not do well at guessing games or innuendo. In fact, they can be very destructive. As our brain races to try to figure out what is being said, it just adds more stress to our day.

It would be much better if your son could just make a comment that is straight forward, like: "Mom, I see you put the remote in the freezer. Is it alright if I thaw it out and listen to the stereo?" Then you can both have a laugh.

By the comment about his friend finding it in the freezer, it appears that you try to keep a very welcoming household. Combine this with a perfectionist style and you have disasters waiting to happen.

There is a saying I have. " A house can be lived for, or a house can be lived in" If your day is spent living for your house, you will never be successful. If you realize that your house is a place to be living in, then the hidden dust or an unmade bed will not change your ability to live in it.

You might need to learn to pick your household battles. First, a bit of bacteria is good for the immune system. Research proves this. Nothing needs to be sterile. Try to think safe and comfortable, not perfect. As long as the basket of dirty clothes is not where someone will trip over it, the raw chicken is not left out on the counter, the shower does not have slime, your family will survive.

My wife taught our kids to do their own laundry by the time they were 8 or 9 years old. If they complained about a shirt not being clean, they had themselves to blame. These skills have helped them immensely in their adult lives.

You can think of your struggles as a reason to delegate and teach your kidos more self sufficiency. You can not be Super Mom. No woman actually can, even without a brain injury.

Have you read the TBI Survival Guide Yet. You and your husband both need to read it. Then you can have your kidos read select portions. Then, time for a family meeting. Discuss new ways of being a family/household, how to be respectful of Mom's struggles but not condescending with a syrupy and patronizing attitude.

Once they understand the reality of the new you, they will be able to live with you in an understanding way. Their friends need to be brought up to speed if they are going to be in your house. If they can be just as respectful of you, great. Welcome them. If not, your kido needs to help them understand you better or they need to not be invited back.

My father tried to instill in my siblings and me a simple idea. Family supports and backs up family, whatever the cost. With this attitude, you will have a larger family supporting you. When a friend of a kido comes to you and asks, "How is your day going, Mrs S?" Or even better, recognizes when you are having one of those "space cadet" days and treats you with sensitivity, everyone wins.

There are plenty of nice people around us. Some just need to be given a little understanding and direction. Trust me, most will respond very well.

A simple example would be, if a kido brings home a new friend, explain to them that you will likely be asking them their name on repeated occasions and explain why. They may choose to just tell you their name each time.

My father died of an Alzheimer's like dementia a few years ago. My siblings who lived near him routinely walked in and announced their name to him. I live 600 miles away so when I visited, I struggled to remember to announce my name. It was very helpful for my dad. If relieved a lot of frustration and confusion.

Trust those close to you to respond in your best interest when they have good information. Very few issues in life are worth fretting about. In a day or two, the past goofs are long forgotten.

I have a saying that takes off from where "Is the glass is half full or half empty?" falls short. For most of us, the glass is just TOO BIG. Life is a lot more enjoyable when we don't try to fill a TOO BIG glass.

I've been wealthy and I've been poor. My happiness was not changed by either condition.

My best to you.