Hi All,
My fiancé is coming up on her 1-year anniversary of the TBI she got from an accident she had while riding her bike. She still has lots to accomplish with rehab for her short-term and long-term memory, balance, and vision issues; we’re working very hard on therapy (both at home and professionally) despite the nominal improvements of late.

But I have to share something that has not improved since her accident, and that is her desire for intimacy. Even small gestures of affection no longer seem to be "on her radar screen." Yes, we make love on occasion, but her soul is not part of the experience, nor can she experience anything close to fulfillment. It's not that its painful or causes her discomfort somehow, it simply isn't something she can feel passionate about.

Prior to her accident, our love life was beyond belief. We often had to pinch ourselves because the love making was so good. Now, she doesn't even remember and even doubts that I am telling her the truth when I try and recount what it was like. From my perspective, it hurts like h*** to have that part of our relationship disappear, but all I have to do is look at what she's had to suffer as a result of her accident and I quickly realize I'm being petty and selfish in comparison. So I suck it up and pretend that it does not affect me.

Recently, I've resigned myself to the fact that she may never return to her sexually active self and have even studied methods for being celibate (maybe one day, things will improve, but for now, I'm trying to put it out of my mind). Making any kind of sexual or affectionate advancement is greeted with indifference...to the point where I feel like I'm being rude by touching her. I am always very careful of not making her feel like she is under pressure to reciprocate and until posting here, have kept my intimacy frustrations to myself.

What is ironic is the fact that we are still hopelessly in love with each other and cannot imagine life without the other. TBI's (as I have come to learn) really do cause lives to change course dramatically, and sometimes tragically. She feels guilty that she cannot recall our past intimacy and that is the last thing she needs right now while she holds onto the hope that she will get back to normal.

I'm not posting in hopes that someone has a magic cure to our situation, but simply wondering if anyone else has experienced the same thing. I know that sexuality in general is an area commonly affected by TBI's, but what's shocking to me is how we've gone from one extreme to the other.

Sorry for my long-winded ramblings, but I needed to get this off my chest somehow, and the anonymity of forums like this give me the freedom to do so. Thanks for reading and "listening."