Hello there,
I am also a young wife in my late 20's with a husband who has suffered from PCS for the past 6 years. There are certainly ups and downs when trying to support your spouse and although I love my husband more than anything, there are days that I feel like breaking down. I love the idea of building a support network of spouses/significant others because I know that I can really use some support many days.

wife of mTBI
 

i'm also a wife of 8yrs to a man we discovered conclusively this week, that an accident 30yrs ago, and subsequent accidents over the years, have produced a brain injury or PCS. Finally we have a diagnosis. Unfortunately it took a year, and a life altering situation with the law to figure it out.
his family takes care of him during the week, so i don't see him all the time, he can't work, can't drive, and has issues with memory, headaches, seizures, blackouts, pain, impulse control, mood swings, you name it.
somedays i love him, and want to stay with him, and help him, and support and understand him, and somedays i want to catch the next train out of here !
i'm not even sure what i forsee for our life ahead, as no matter what i want, i'm not in control of our future, his illness & the courts are, and that just makes the plan for any kind of future, kind of foggy, and unclear.
i'm here if anyone wants to vent, rant, discuss, etc. we need to stick together. sometimes i feel like i'm so alone.

I suffered my TBI 14 months ago in a car accident and also have a paralyzed arm. The hardest part of this situation is being expected to do things with and for my daughter (age 7) that are nearly impossible. My caregiver takes care of the shopping and stuff, but has provided NO emotional support and practically refuses to talk about the situation.I feel desperate, burned out and feel my recovery would be better if he understood things and gave me support. We have no family in our state and that's a big disadvantage. I have a full time babysitter for the summer and I'm still so overwhelmed. I needed to vent.....thanks. Anyone else feel that only their basic physical needs are being met and that's it?

Tracy,

I'm confused. Is your caregiver a hired help or your husband/boyfriend?

It can be difficult to understand the emotional aspects of mTBI. You likely have a different emotional personality too.

Have you expressed specifically what kind of emotional support you need?

Was this person a good source of emotional support before your mTBI?

My best to you.

When to leave
 

Hi, I'm new to this site. My husband of 12 1/2 years is suffering from a TBI after a motorcycle accident 2 years ago. Our marital problems before the accident seem to now be magnified and it has been a crazy roller coaster ride. Less than a year ago, it got so bad that I had decided to leave, an easy decision given the way things were going. He convinced me to stay and the intense anger he had faded away.
Presently, there seems to be no marriage. We are essentially roommates and practically strangers. My attempts to provide emotional support have waned significantly. His focus is on his job, his recovery, and our children. I feel I can no longer wait for his recovery. He asks that I don't hold him accountable for his actions in the past because of the TBI, but when will he be responsible for the way he acts?
I am ready for a separation again, but the situation is completely different. Although, our relationship is limited, I seem to be the only link to the real world outside his job. I can handle the anger he would have if I left, but not the helplessness and depression that he may experience.
I realize that I'll never fully understand what he is going through, but it's good to hear from other spouses of TBI sufferers. We are also in a lonely confused state.

Kim,

You need two things. First, you need to download and print out the TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com

With it you should sit down with your husband and identify the symptoms he is manifesting. Once you have agreed on these symptoms, he needs to take personal ownership of them. Then, you two need to work on ways to minimize the impact on your marriage and family. Your children will need to be brought into the loop.

Second, you need to find a brain injury support group. Your state brain injury association is usually a good place to go to find the groups in your state. If there is not one nearby, it will be worthwhile to drive a considerable distance to meet with one. We have people who drive 90 minutes each way to come to our group. Hopefully, it will have a "families and caregivers sub-group. "

Seeing how other people and families cope will be a big help.

There is much more than I can say but it would be best if you could give some specifics of your worst struggles first. I can have my wife read your post and see what she can comment.

My best to you.

Hang In There
 

Hello,

Thought I'd chime in here as the wife of a TBI husband to tell other wives to hang in there and that things do get better. A little bit about our situation, back in 2006 my husband (then just my live-together boyfriend) and I were crossing the street in our neighborhood on our way to dinner with a friend when we were struck by a hit-and-run driver. He bore the brunt of the impact, was thrown into the air, hitting the pavement - suffering a TBI and numerous broken bones. I passed out but came to with some broken bones. It took him nearly a month to come out of a coma. Luckily his brain didn't swell enough to require surgery. After over a month at the regular hospital, he transferred to an acute rehab hospital and later to a regular rehab facility.

It was over 5 months before he came home, where he continued with out patient therapy of physical and cognitive therapy. Besides suffering from the classic TBI symptoms of loss of short term memory, balance problem and easy agitation, he has vision issues from optic nerve damage and left neglect of his left arm/hand. He tired easily, couldn't travel, loud noise bothered him. His job as an electrical engineered required a lot of travel, but because he couldn't travel well and had stopped driving, there was no way he could do his old job. Luckily his speech was not affected and his personality was still there. We were also lucky to have supportive family and friends. And we have been able to get by on just one income. We married a little more than a year after the accident. He took classes at a local community college and traveled there by bus. We did/do as much as possible to give him a schedule and to keep him as busy as possible. As he got stronger he started working out with a trainer a couple of days a week. In the last year it's been increased to 3 times a week. This has improved his balanced immeasurably. It helped that at the time of the accident his was in great health and was relatively young.

The best news is that in a week he will be attending a 3 day training session on learning a new program that is related to what he used to do and if that goes well he will start working (probably part-time from home) for his old boss. This 6 years after a life-changing accident. Improvement can occur after 12 mos from a TBI event, maybe not as dramatically, but little by little it DOES add up. Was it hard along the way? Yes, and it continues to be, but there was so much more good that came with the hard stuff.

You are not alone.

Hello. My husband has had TBI for almost 11 months now since our auto accident last November. It was the first bad weather of the season and while on the highway a car tried to pass us on the right in the freezing rain and slid and hit us. Causing us to spin and then roll my husband's direction. He broke the window w/ his elbow and his head got tossed around against the door and frame. He was treated initially (actually 2 days later we found out he had a concussion) for PCS, but was released from treatment. He was off work for almost 2 months and could not drive either. It wasn't until months later I forced him to go to an Ortho doc for his neck/back pain that we discovered all of his PCS symptoms.

Since then he's had the 5-hour neuro/psy test, sees a Brain specialist, and a Neurologist. They put him on antidepressants because his tests showed he was "majorly depressed," which was obvious to me. It was so stressful during this time, but the meds have sure been a lifesaver! They have had to adjust his duties at work and we are more conscious of our surroundings and what will be triggers for him. There was a time that I was so stressed I could hardly stand it. I also am dealing with injuries from the wreck and am still in PT. But I kept my feelings in because I knew his anger and frustration that was being thrown at me, was not really ME. It was during this time I discovered this forum and it helped me tremendously! Just knowing his symptoms were not just HIM and others were experiencing the same thing was so helpful to me.

So thank you for sharing your stories!!

I'm on the TBI side. Was injured in a car accident in July of 2011. I've done a lot of reading, as did the husband, and I'm really lucky that he understands what I'm going through-but he doesn't "know" what I'm going through.
He tries, but like everyone else, you don't see what is wrong and he forgets and gets impatient.
I was home from the hospital a week when my daughter and grandson moved in from out of state. It was nice-I'm still not allowed to drive, but less than a week after the accident, I'm expected to take care of everyone again.
This whole thing just blows.

Tamisue, Have you downloaded the TBI Survival Guide? You need to print it out and let your husband and daughter read it. Highlight the issues that apply to you.

It is at www.tbiguide.com

My best to you.