Today one of my Dr. wrote a report for social security describing my limitations. He described me as having a "short fuse" and would take many more years of treatment and would never fully recover or overcome all my deficits.

I've heard that I will never be the same from other Dr.s before but it still hits me like a ton of bricks.

I will never fully recover. I will never get my old life back or be the person I was before.

I just feel like I am working so hard to recover - aiming at a goal I can never reach.

Being frustrated is an understatement. Sometimes I am so angry I feel like I can't stay in my skin.

Sorry to hear of your upsetting diagnoses. But, the doctor is being truthful. This does not mean you cannot improve your life. There are plenty of things you can do to improve your life. Learning to make good choices so you do not put yourself in 'short fuse" situations is a worthwhile goal.

It is best to work on each symptoms individually. As you learn to make good choices, you can become a much better person that you were before.

Tell us about the struggles than have changed your life the most. I am sure there is someone who has a work-around to overcome each difficulty.

My best to you.

I understand where you are coming from as well. Im just waiting and thinking about when im gonna feel 100% and aiming very high with this. I am trying to come to understanding that I may not be 100% at all and my old self. Its hard to take in.

When my specialist told me things i should not do or try to do, it basically means finding new friends and meeting new people. Well its hard to stray away from your friends and in this era its hard meeting new people if you cant do certain things. My life involved going to work, playing sports, going out and drinking with my friends and now I can not do any of that.

It will get easier I am hoping and everything will work out, just takes time

"Its a marathon, not a sprint"

I keep telling myself this. And I have seen improvements but its still hard coming to terms with the fact that you are no longer you.

I use to work with children. It was my passion to teach and reach kids. People told me all the time how patient I was and that they could never do what I did.

Now I'm known for having a short fuse. My family says I have no yellow light. Its all green then with no warning I go red.

I say things that are harsh and have no filter. Then someone will point out how mean it was and I feel bad and am ashamed.

This isn't how I view myself but I guess Its who I am now.

I had problems with the short fuse for years, actually decades. I had the position that I was entitled to be upset as an expression of my ideas. This is not the good thinking.

Now, I know that my short fuse can become uncontrollable. As a result of the serious acceptance of this, I now have chosen to be proactive to avoid those situations. There are places where there is no tolerance what-so-ever for a short fuse. I accept that and take responsibility for it.

Let me tell you an experience I had.
I was in line at the security check point at the airport. I had put my stuff on the conveyor. There was a TSA Agent telling me and everyone to put their shoes in the bin and on the conveyor. There was a different agent yelling instructions from the other side of the walk through scanner. I finally responded loudly, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

Quickly, the police officer came and pulled me aside. He started yelling in my face and his rookie sidekick tried to interject, too. They were both shouting over my attempt to respond. Finally, I realized they were not listening to me. I pulled myself together and, in a low voice, got in the police officer's face and quietly said, "If you are trying to de-escalate the situation, why don't you lower your voice?"

He stood back and stopped. He realized that I was right. He shut up his sidekick and let me explain what happened. I realized that I can regain control of myself and others should too.

Now, I have "practiced responses" to when I feel like I am going to explode. They have to be practiced, at least in your head, so you can use them when the stress gets too high. One also needs to be ready to accept the help of others.

Think of it as needing to work at lengthening the fuse. Over time, the fuse can get so long that you have time to remove yourself from the situation or grab control of your thoughts and take a different path.

I work in the nursery at church every third week or so. I have become known as the baby whisperer. I can tell when I need to take a break although I do not worry about it in the nursery. There is a scripture verse I use that makes as much impact on my daily life as "Be still....." It is the commandment to "Take every though captive." This means we need to make choices about how or if we let our thought get out of control.

It takes serious self-analysis and introspection but it is possible. It also requires that your family be on the same page as you. The ability to be out in public with control starts with developing these skills at home. It would be worthwhile to work with your family and friends. They need to accept that you are different and you may never recover to the old you.

An example of how family needs to change would parallel the family of someone who lost their eyesight. All of a sudden, the stuff left on the floor is a serious problem as is moving furniture or putting something back where it does not belong. These changes should be considered reasonable family accommodations.

For the PCS person, a less chaotic home with a more consistent schedule will be a great help. Screaming is problematic to the PCS subject even though it may have been tolerated before. All of the accommodations are not just a burden. Most will actually be a blessing to the family and friends. Many do not know how to enjoy each others company without the adrenaline based excitement.

If any of you think the changes are not possible, I can prove you dead wrong. My wife works in a private school with high standards for decorum. New students come in and for the first few days struggle to be disciplined. They may be bouncing off the walls with undisciplined behavior.

But,,,,,, Within a short time, they have settled into the routine and discipline that is expected. Even 3 and 4 year olds can make this transition. When they do, their world opens up as they become able to fully participate in life and learning. The key is consistency. When everyone does it, the occasional out of control person can easily regain control.

So, YES, It is likely that we will never return to our old self. But, that is not a problem if we learn to make the best of the new self. Attending a brain injury support group as a family can help. When we see others families adapt to the brain injured person, we begin to believe that we can too.

Personally, I have undergone may of these negative changes to my personality, starting when I was 10 years old. It took me decades to learn to take personal responsibility for my changes in behavior. If I had understood then what I know now, I would have been able to avoid lots of potholes.

Remember this axiom. An idiot never learns from his own mistakes. A smart person does learn from his own mistakes. A WISE person learns from others mistakes. Us it to take control of your thoughts. It is possible.

My best to you all.

btw, I still struggle with this but am doing much better. It's nice to not constantly be a jerk.

I'm sorry you're going through this and understand your frustration. I'm afraid I'll never be the same person also. Even on "good" days, I feel like a completely different person. But as soon as I accepted this, I felt better immediately.

I went through a phase of frustration that I would never be the same person, then a phase of acceptance of this fact, followed by grief. I stopped longing to be the person I was. I stopped making my goal 'To feel like my old self.' It simply isn't going to happen. All I can do is accept who I've become and focus on the positives. I am much more compassionate and understanding now. I appreciate all the simple things and wonderful people in my life much more than I ever would've been able to before.

I know a lot of times our issues (in your case, frustration) involving PCS are not within our control. It's like telling a depressed person to be hopeful. Just know that it will get better. I do know that I'm a better person through all of this, and I'm sure you are too. Anyone who can endure PCS is a strong person.

I had those same thoughts for the longest time. I thought that if I could just do....something I would get better. I grew frustrated and angry with doctors especially, but God too, that they didn't have the answers for me. Then, last summer I went to see a neuro and he had me get a MRI and an MRA of my head and neck and he really seemed to know what he was talking about. He told me that basically I could be like this for the rest of my life. He could give me meds, but I had to be careful taking them (they made me so nauseated I couldn't take them). He told me that there was nothing wrong with me that would hurt me more, if anything I might get slowly better.

Somehow, just knowing that I wasn't crazy and that it was ok for me to be feeling this awful made things easier. I still yell at God sometimes, but I have mostly come to accept this.
Yes, the old me is gone, that person will never be back. But a new me is here, though a person with some health issues. I have realized that this can actually make me into a better person if I choose to. I have become stronger in my ability to deal with adversity. I understand others' pain more easily and can better help them to deal with their pain. I have found new ways to have fun that I had not even thought of before, and have focused more on the important things in life.
Knowing that I am not going to die tomorrow and that if I don't make the best of this then it will best me; being determined to have a life (I was 19 when I first got a concussion and now I am almost 22), get married, have kids, have a job; wanting to keep my family and friends from worrying about me...All these are my motivations to get out of bed each morning, to smile, to work hard in college so that I can go on to graduate school and become an architect.

Yes, we might not ever recover, that old person who had no idea what pain and long suffering was is gone, but with work a new and better person can take that person's place.
God Bless,
Margarite