[seaira]

Hi,
I am a 26 year old wife who is in the struggles of dealing
with Husband's post concussion syndrome. It is very frustrating,
as he has been known to become violent. Medication has helped,
but it doesn't seem to be clearing up, as he still suffers memory loss,
confusion, dizziness, depression and pressure in his head.
Even more frustrating, his parents seem to think I am making this
up and I am the one provoking his anger! A neuro, and a family doc. have both
verified he suffers from this but have not given us much info, about what
to do or how to deal with it. It has been a long 8 months and only God has brought us through this far. Please help?

[crossline]

Hi, fellow wifey of a PCS person. I'm first of all so sorry that you're having to deal with this. It is DEFINITELY NOT easy. You're definitely not alone. What started out with what I thought was going to be the after effects of a car accident my hubs was in, has become one very long BAD day...and I wish I had some sort of "help" that would fix this for you, but all I can say is....the same thing my hubs has been told about how to deal with PCS....try to relax. Try not to focus about what sucks about the situation, cause that really only makes it suck more. lol....we are still dealing with this, but now we sort of joke about it...even the really horrible parts of it...cause literally, i think if we didn't, we'd not only have PCS as a problem, but we'd become mental patients too. I've been through every emotion with dealing with this with my husband.... Most of our convos begin with "Psttttt," and end with "Shhhh," haha. Not that the situation is funny, because it really isn't. I've told my fb friends that they're gonna have to put me in a special jacket in a padded room if this stuff doesn't end soon, but honestly....all I can do, is hope and pray. My prayer is that it's over soon, but God's will be done. My hope is that some day soon we'll be able to have a "normal life" (whatever that is)...so I think we just deal with "the new normal," each day, take each day for what it's worth. Some are decent, some really stink, but nevertheless, I think it's all a learning game. honestly, they don't really let you minister on here, but my faith and the Lord are the only thing that's gotten me through...I've screamed, I've wanted to pull my hair out, I've cried, and cried, and snotted some more....but laughing through it, taking one day at a time, and being thankful for whatever progress is made, is about all I know to say. anyhow....not sure that we have msg "privaleges" yet, but feel free to contact me....maybe we can encourage each other.

this too shall pass....

Originally Posted by seaira

Hi,
I am a 26 year old wife who is in the struggles of dealing
with Husband's post concussion syndrome. It is very frustrating,
as he has been known to become violent. Medication has helped,
but it doesn't seem to be clearing up, as he still suffers memory loss,
confusion, dizziness, depression and pressure in his head.
Even more frustrating, his parents seem to think I am making this
up and I am the one provoking his anger! A neuro, and a family doc. have both
verified he suffers from this but have not given us much info, about what
to do or how to deal with it. It has been a long 8 months and only God has brought us through this far. Please help?

[Mark in Idaho]

seaira,

Welcome to Neurotalk. Sorry for your reason for being here.

My first suggestion is for you to download the TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com and print it out. It may take some time to get through it but there is great knowledge in it.

The anger issues is a common problem. It will be a great help if your husband can get enough counseling to understand that his anger is a manifestation of his injury. Until he does, he will personalize his reason for being angry and justify his anger. This is not helpful. When he understands that he gets angry more due to his brain malfunctioning, he may be able to start making some though choices.

I had to learn to just walk away. Otherwise, I knew things would get bad.

He also needs help with understanding and recognizing when his anger triggers are starting to build. As his wife, it will be helpful if you can agree on a signal that the triggers/signs are building. My wife can tell by the look on my face when I need to leave the scene before trouble starts.

The concept for the two of you to work on is "Taking every though captive." When his thoughts start to take control, he does have a choice to stop them early before they become uncontrollable. This discussion needs to be done in a non-judgmental way. He already feels miserable. He does not need to feel worse.

Making a list of "Plans of action" for different situations can be worthwhile. You can have a saying like: Didn't you say you needed some fresh air? be prepared for him to walk out and leave you to cover for him.

It can be helpful to be open and honest with others. Something like: Since his car accident and head injury, he has been struggling with anger and over-reacting. It is a common symptoms of his kind of injury. We are working to help him avoid such situations.

You will be surprised to see how compassionate people will be when they understand his condition. Everybody who has to interact with me regularly knows that I suffer from a brain injury. They know that I will not get involved in certain situations or tasks.

After you have read the TBI Guide, feel free to post questions here. There are many different ways to accommodate PCS symptoms and limitations. I have been developing my bag of tricks since 1974.

As I stated in a recent post, it is not whether the glass is half full or half empty. It is whether the glass that is the right size. (too big) Current culture tries to cram too much into life. The simpler life of many of us with persistent PCS can be life changing. We have to STOP to think. With that comes a chance to stop to smell the roses, as the saying goes.

btw, It is helpful if posts do not have more than five or six lines before a paragraph space. Many of us struggle to follow from the end of one line to the start of the next. I cut and pasted seaira's post into MSWord and added spacing so I could read it.

My best to you and your hubby,