[xxxxcrystalxxxx]

Well Monday's the "big" day. I have my testing. I'm really nervous about it. The Neurologist wants my testing done before he clears me to go back to work. My coworkers keep asking when I'm coming back. I feel like a broken record.....I dont know.... Honestly the thought of going back to work scares the living heck out of me. I was sent back less than two weeks after my injury. I suffered terribly.

Lately I've noticed that I'm more depressed and my anxiety is through the roof. My Neuro said if I needed Ativan to simply call. Well I did and he never called back. I've been having palpitations and my heart rate is jumping from 118 bpm down to 80bpm. I can feel my heart fluttering and thus I have shortness of breath. I dont think it's my heart. It's an awful feeling. I went to visit my old job and I realized I was sweating bullets and had to leave. I haven't had panic attacks in a long long time.

My Neurologist told me a couple of weeks ago he thinks I'll be able to go back to work. I only seen him twice since the injury. In fact I I've only had five appointments with Neuro's docs since my injury. My headaches are here everyday along with the horrible whooshing sounds. It feels like I'll never get better. I know the anxiety cant be helping me in all of this.

Yesterday I had a girlfriend stop by for a visit. She was only here for an hour or so. She was complaining about her man and kept going on and on and on. My head was ready to explode. She must have seen it on my face because she asked me if she was making my head hurt.... If I cant handle someone else's stress how can I handle my own. I feel lost. The bills are piling up. My coworkers dont understand why I'm still home.

Can I tell the MD on Monday my fears? Has anyone else had docs that wanted to send you back too soon? My Neuro told me in a year this well all be a bad bad dream and that this shouldn't be a permanent injury. I dont quite believe him. The testing is three hours... Does anyone know what the testing involves?

Thank you for letting me vent...again!!!!