I hope I'm doing this right...I'm brand new here, but this seems to be a really great forum! Sooo I guess I'll just jump right in...

My first diagnosed concussion was in August 2010 after a collision with another girl in a high school field hockey game. No LOC, but a whole lot of other symptoms (mainly severe headaches, confusion, light sensitivity, lack of balance, etc.) that kept me off the field for 8 weeks. I returned to playing as soon as I passed the ImPACT test at my school despite not being completely recovered--many symptoms persisted but I kept quiet, etc. etc. (I know, I know...seriously regretting that now). I did not get the recovery I needed and was not given any accommodations at school for those 8 weeks.

Fast forward to today (March 2012) and I'm still having severe headaches on an almost daily basis (despite 200mg of topamax taken daily), have severe light sensitivity and insomnia, and believe that I might have depression (though that could be unrelated to PCS--family history, many 'things' going on, etc.). The most troubling issue is the headaches, though the insomnia and light sensitivity only fuel the flame. The depression is basically a reactant and a product in this equation, as I think it tends to be. Any cognitive issues I have are contributed to my headaches-- I had pretty severe impairment after the initial injury, but now any impairment seems to be directly related to how much pain I'm in (these are my observations, only...my actual cognition hasn't been tested since my last ImPACT test in 2010). Basically, I have some really bad days at school sometimes, but my grades are still quite good.

I have seen two neurologists for the treatment of my headaches/migraines/whatever they're calling them on any given day, and one has taken to saying I have PCS. Because he's saying this and field hockey preseason is sneaking up, I'm realizing I probably have a decision to make-- is it time to give it up? Obviously this concussion really messed with my brain if I'm still suffering from symptoms 18+ months later. And also, I'm pretty sure it's not my first concussion-- I rode horses for 7 years and have had at least three falls that have either knocked me out or left me dazed. Those were never diagnosed as anything, but looking back it worries me. I did play a full season last year despite these symptoms, but that was prior to being diagnosed with PCS (I went a year without seeking treatment for my headaches, which was what brought on the diagnosis). I'm afraid this only made things worse.

Neither of my doctors nor my school's athletic trainer has explicitly told me it's time to give it up, but I haven't explicitly asked (and none of them have openly communicated with each other as of yet). I have an appointment with the PCS-diagnoser this coming week, and I'm thinking about broaching the subject. Part of me--the rational part-- wants him to tell me he thinks it's time I sit the bench so I don't have to decide for myself. The other part of me doesn't want to miss out on my senior year, the chance to feel what it's like to be recruited, the chance to enjoy being at the top of the pack, etc.. I know that part is probably not being very logical, but it's so hard...I'm quite the worrier, so maybe I'm just over thinking things? Maybe one more year won't be too bad? As you can probably tell, I'm very conflicted for this issue...a lot is relying on it (at least a lot to a sixteen year old). I'm going to bring it up with him no matter what, but in the meantime: does anyone have any experience with retiring from sports because of PCS as a teenager? Or just in general? Or any advice on how I can tell if it's time for me to give it up? I know there's no 'magic number' of concussions that indicate when you should stop, but if that's the case, how is one supposed to know?

Thanks in advance!

-Max