Hi Jamiesgirl,

When I first had mine 8 months ago, I didn't worry too much about and just kept moving forward and ignored it. (BIG MISTAKE) I only have regret now. Since then i've hit my head a few times by accident of course and not major but man it really sets you back.

So I would suggest accept it and relax. It's still early in recovery for you.

Sorry I feel lke I'm joining the thread a little late but I'll give my experience.

I had a feeling of denial the first several weeks after clearing post traumatic amnesia from my TBI; while an inpatient in the hospital neuro-rehab unit I couldn’t identify the year or where I was, but I still said there is nothing wrong with me and I needed to get back to work. Four weeks later when my neuro psych evaluation indicated deficits in spatial orientation, executive functions, and short term memory, all I could think about was “when are these people going to let me drive and release me to go back to work?” (I was in a wheelchair at the time so I wasn't able to drive anyway).

My wife tried to do multiplication flash cards with me to help improve memory and cognitive processing; I didn’t want to practice this because (1) I couldn’t do it and (2) I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t do it.

When I began to realize I should be able to do certain things I couldn’t, I finally admitted I wasn’t quite ready to return to work and do all the things I used to do, I started trying harder doing the speech and occupational therapy exercises I was given. It took a while, probably six weeks total.

I think you are right that you can't agree with him, but arguing per se will be counter productive. For me, specific examples of things I was having trouble with helped nudge me over to acceptance.

I have told me wife that I feel fine and I look fine -- I don't have a broken bone. Then I try to do something and it is quite obvious that I am not fine (or she catches me saying something backwards -- "put your sink in the spoon"). I don't catch it, but she points it out to me.

She caught me trying to til the garden the other day. I didn't understand why I shouldn't. She explained to me that I am not safe on my feet and get confused easily. Something could happen. She would rather be with me if I really want to do it.

These specific things that she tells me helps me realize that I am not "back to normal" yet.

YES!

My Dr. and boyfriend think I was in denial, but I think I wasn't able to really understand what having a brain injury really meant until very recently (like within the past couple of months) and I'm twenty months out from the initial injury I sustained.

I do agree with Mark that it has to do with the ego - but I don't think it has to do with being a man. (I'm a woman.)

I think when there are sudden changes and new vulnerabilities in a person's life, then the ego is doing it's job by puffing itself up and rigidly hanging on to who the ego thinks the person is - a part of the ego's job is to protect the self.

I was convinced I could still do certain things for a loooooong time after the injury and even when I was completely unable to do them and could see with my own eyes what trouble I was having trying to do certain things I was still somehow convinced that I could do them. And I would just keep trying and trying to do them despite it all.

This is a part of where that patience comes in from your part.

He's not thinking rationally or well - his brain was injured! He's just not able to think well or rationally right now. And his ego is trying to help him to cope. And it might be a while before his ego can be worn down enough to let go of who he was before the injury or for his reasoning to improve enough to overcome his ego.

It's a very difficult and weird process.

I'm still going through it myself - I'm still convinced that I'll make a much better recovery than I have so far! I was very attached to the person I was before the injury I sustained. I had a great sense of pride and accomplishment and I don't know who I am now and this has greatly effected my self esteem. I don't feel like I can accomplish much of anything compared to what I could do before the injury I sustained. I feel worthless a lot of the time. I don't know what my skills are now, and I feel like I don't have any, but I do know that they aren't what they used to be - so I'm hopeful that my skills will return but until then I can just hope and wait.

Experts believe that the people who are the most determined to make a recovery do end up making the best recoveries. My boyfriend is amazed at my willpower and motivation levels. I keep on truckin'. I think a lot of people in my position would have given up by now and he and my family agrees that is true. So, it might not be a bad thing if he wants to be the person he was before the injury - because that might help him to achieve a goal of the closest possible to it that he can get.

I hope this all makes sense.

Being 'in denial' is a common human reaction to a distressing situation. However with brain injury the 'denial' is often more than this, it can also be an actual cognitive impairment which prevents you from seeing the full extent of the problem. Technically it is referred to as 'anosognosia' or 'lack of self awareness'. It is considered common in brain injury.

I know I definitely suffered from this, and put myself in dangerous and irresponsible situations as a result. I also made myself look stupid, for example turning up to work and pretending everything was fine when actually I wasn't even well enough to have a coherent conversation with someone and had to be sent home more than once.

I seemed to respond well to people sitting me down and presenting me with facts eg 'look, if you're finding X difficult, don't you think you need more rest before attempting Y?'. It was kind of upsetting at times but I needed to be told.

Good luck in all your efforts, I got over it and so should he. It's great that you've come on here and found out more about what's going on.

Thanks for all the replies and the links posted, they've been really useful to look at.

Mark, he isn't driving at the moment. We're in the UK and he has to inform the DVLA of his injury - we haven't sent the form off yet but they generally revoke your licence from between 6-12 months if you've had a subdural hematoma. Can you still drive in the states after a head injury?

I think it just depends on the situation. I know that there is a mandatory 6 months reprieve from driving after a person has had a seizure, but I don't think there's anything mandatory in regards to a head injury.

My Dr. informed me not to drive at all the first time after she saw me after the accident. I hadn't, so it wasn't really an issue. (I just couldn't drive - I wasn't functioning well enough to be able to drive.) About 10 months later my driver's license was up for renewal and when I told the people at the DMV that I wasn't allowed to drive per my Dr.'s instructions they cancelled my license. I think I was supposed to notify them of my Dr.'s initial recommendation that I wasn't to drive - but I didn't know and I was not able to function well enough to figure it out.

Anyway, after a few more months, my Dr. thought I could start to practice to drive in empty parking lots and after doing so with no real issues at 5-10 mph (miles instead of km) she filled out a form for the DMV and my license was reinstated. She still didn't want me to drive far, or on the freeway at all and I'm still not able to do so just because my brain's not able to multitask well enough to and it also can't process fast enough to either. I typically drive less than 10 miles at a time - only when I'm doing my best cognitively. I finally started driving regularly 16 months after the accident that I was in, 3 miles each way to work on side streets and then home from work, three times a week. And now I drive myself to and from work every day M-F.

At first going just 30mph was really difficult for my brain to process and I stayed in the slow lane, but recently I have felt like my brain can handle driving 40-45 mph on most days. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to drive more and more in coming months and years.

Sometimes my boyfriend still has to drive me even short distances when I'm cognitively fatigued. And I'm usually never able to drive in the evening because I'm just too tired and that usually means I'm not functioning well enough to be able to drive safely.

I really miss the independence that comes with being able to drive myself anywhere anytime.

In Arizona, if you have TBI, the doctors have some discretion, but in general they inform the MVD of the injury; I had to take a behind the wheel driving exam (kind of like I was 16 again ) to get my driving privileges restored. Not sure what the rules are in other parts of the U.S.

I stopped driving after my wife witness my driving while following me. I had been deferring to her to drive using the excuse, "You can drive. You like driving this car" (BMW 528) I had already had some close calls and overloads.

One time, I was driving an old truck I was restoring. I noticed that I could drive down a 45mph road at 30 mph and be just fine. Cars were zooming pass. I commented that Idaho was good for me. It had allowed me to relax and be less stressed as demonstrated by my slow driving. Later, 2 different doctors suggested that I should not be driving. My brain's processing speed was in the bottom 10%. I finally understood that I was driving as fast as my brain would let me.

Idaho has two system. One is a mandatory loss of license and the other is an "inattentive driving" violation. You do not need to cause an accident to get cited for inattentive driving.

I have gone long periods without driving, as long as 2 years. I normally only drive a few times per week and only on my good days.

Hey jamiesgirl! Thought I'd weigh in on this snippet. Nine months ago I took a longboarding fall and sustained a vertical impact to the chin (it was likely a labrynthine concussion). For months afterwards I had a constant and loud low-frequency tinnitus sensation. At nine months, the tinnitus has softened. It goes away sometimes and is there sometimes, and is quiet enough that I rarely notice it. Hope this gives you some reassurance!