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I was talking to someone yesterday that my head was 'feeling a bit better' then I thought if I felt like I do now before the injury i'd be sat at a hospital in panic but I suppose you almost 'get used to it' . Sometimes I feel almost human and sometimes I feel like screaming . Amongst the many frustrations is that people can't 'see it' so you do wonder if 'they get it' |
Isolation is a tough thing to deal with.
The way my life is, (by choice), I tend to be alone at home for at least 12 hours a day. Before my accident that was never a problem. I had lots to do to fill the time and really enjoyed the peace and quiet. Since my accident, the days feel longer, I have a harder time doing stuff, so my day is not as busy. I really appreciate the peace and quiet now, I NEED it, but I enjoy it less than I used to. But I sometimes think I would like to have someone around... until the weekend comes and my husband and daughter ARE around, then I can't wait until Monday morning when they head back to work. Its hard to have them around, even if they are trying to be quiet, they are often not quiet enough. It sucks, but I do try to keep in mind that "this too shall pass" and it won't be like this forever and eventually I will enjoy their company AND my peace and quiet. :) Starr |
do you ever feel
You bet. For example I took my daughter to the doctor a few days ago. They switched her medication for her back injury (not related to my concussion). It felt like I used all my brain power to follow what the doctor told us. Then we went to the pharmacy to pick up the medication...The clerk tried to help us by saying if we bought two months we would get the third month free (or something like that). I could not follow what she was saying at all. I am sure it was very simple but it was not what I was prepared for and could not understand at all.
My daughter asked if I was ok because my face was red. I was trying so hard to understand! I started to cry because I felt so bad that I couldn't figure it out. I just got two month supply and got paperwork so my husband could figure it out when I got home. Luckily my daughter is 15 and was able to type in what the clerk said so she could tell me later. Some days I feel like I am like I was before accident and then something like that happens and I realize that I am not well. The problem for me is that I "look" fine (no wheelchair, cane, limp, etc.) but am not healed mentally. |
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Previously I was known as the female McGyver but now, trying to put ink toner into the printer can lead me to tears despite the fact that I have had the printer for the last 5 years and that I could do it with my eyes closed before. Now, the pictures showing how to change the toner looks like cave man drawings. The one thing my daughter tells I have now is a sense of humour. Something that has helped me cope after all ... laughing sure beats crying. BUt that is just another coping mechanism. |
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So, yes! I found that at the beginning when they were all trying to get me out training again that i was wishing I had a huge cast on my leg, or in a wheelchair because that's what I feel mentally, but no one could see it. Who would ask a wheelchair bound person to train? Anyway, what struck me from what you said was that your 9 year old understands more than anyone. My kids too! They are more compassionate and understand when I have done too much. Just playing a 5 minute game of kickball left me red-faced and dizzy yesterday...and my son (who is 10) noticed and said, mommy its okay, you need to rest. How sweet! I too have developed more of a sense of humor, and I never thought of it as a coping mechanism until today, so thank you for that! It sure does beat crying. I wish you luck. I feel the same way about my brain and cave-man drawings, lol. :hug: |
I know how it feels
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