[Dolfinwolf]

My parents are wanting me to go to my cousins' graduations this weekend. One is on Saturday and one is on Sunday. Here are my issues:

Both graduations are an hour and a half car ride. One is outside in the heat and the other is inside, in an auditorium with no air conditioning. (small town schools).

I know I can wear earplugs, but I have issues with the heat and traveling long distances still.

I feel pressured to go, and thus far my parents have been understanding with my PCS issues, but I can tell my mom is getting frustrated and thinks I am playing it up to get out of going to functions.

What should I do? I am trying not to overanalyze, and trying not to expect a relapse either, but I want to be realistic about where I am at in my recovery.


Forgot to add: my grandfather is going. He is 86 and very weak , and part of the issue is that"if he is going, why shouldn't I go?"
Anything anyone has to say would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Eowyn]

When I am trying to make decision like this for myself, I try to weigh the difficulty/relapse factors against the importance/rarity factors and also consider what other demands I will have on me in the near future.

For example, my sister got married this winter. I traveled a long distance by airplane with my son (just the two of us) and spent a week out of my normal routine, staying up late, in large groups at restaurants because it was a once in a lifetime event for someone who is very important to me. I wouldn't have done something comparable for a neighbor's birthday, for instance.

Also, because I knew that this event was coming and would be very important to me and to her, I did my best to clear my schedule of commitments for the weeks before and after so that if I did have a relapse, I wouldn't have other things to worry about.

Another example, last year I made an extra effort to go out to a restaurant to celebrate my husband's birthday. I didn't go out for other friends' birthdays or for regular "hey-lets-go-out-to-eat" events, but this was a special occasion that I wanted to honor. I knew it would set me back, so I planned for the next couple of days to be able to take it easy.

Since we don't know you or your family situation intimately, it's hard to say exactly how important these family members are to you or how important these events are. But those are the kind of things I think about when making decisions like that for myself.

[Dolfinwolf]

Eowyn,
Thank you. I didn't even think of this. I wish I had had time to plan for the one; i just found out today. The other I found out on Monday. Our family is not too close, but my mom is very close to them so it is important to her that I am there.

You are right that these are important life events.

I appreciate your response!

[Just Judy]

Do you have time to recoup between and after?

[Mark in Idaho]

Take some ear plugs and explain to your mother than you may just need to excuse yourself and find some place quiet.

A cameo appearance is worthwhile in most cases.

Take a pillow so you can sleep during the drive if possible.

[Dolfinwolf]

Thank you for your responses! I am going to go; like Mark said. Just being there will be a good thing.

Just Judy: Your question reminded me: I forgot with this new job that I have, I get Monday off for Memorial Day, so I will have an extra day to rest.

You guys are great. It makes me feel like I have valid concerns. Thank you.

["Starr"]

Best of luck Dolfinwolf!

I know that I have been turning down invites to various get togethers and occasions. If one came up that I felt was really important, I would likely try to go, but am just not feeling up to attending random events.

My parents came to visit last weekend (I only see them twice a year) and they arrived Saturday noon and left early Monday morning and it was way too much.

I've been paying for it all week and needing to sleep almost as much as right after my fall. Its now Friday and I still feel like crap and am barely keeping all the animals fed and looked after.

If I had known how bad I would feel after their visit, I would've insisted they postpone it. They were also pretty put out that Sunday afternoon I had to go sleep for a few hours. They thought it was rude. I was exhausted and having a hard time not over reacting to my mother's criticism of everything. It was much safer for everyone if I went and slept.

I hope your weekend turns out better than mine did last week!!
Starr

[Dolfinwolf]

Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear about your weekend. I can totally relate, as it sounds like our mothers are very alike as far as their reactions and views of what is going on. (at least from what you told me in your last post)

I hope that your resting will help you continue on your way back to where you were before last weekend! Sending healing thoughts your way!

[EsthersDoll]

Of course your concerns are valid!

If I had been put in that situation, even if it was my sister or boyfriend - who is my primary care taker, I would most likely chose to decline the invitation. I'm trying to recover well enough to be able to work full time (or more) again and it takes all my effort to do so. I can, personally, not handle any more significant setbacks at this point in my recovery and attending just one graduation ceremony would put me in a world of hurt for several days. I'm working about 20 hours a week right now, with limited responsibilities, and that's difficult enough for me to handle with the cognitive and energy impairments that I'm dealing with.

Only you can figure out whether it's worth it to you to try to go.

[lattesrus]

My two cents on attending events. It sounds like you are going and that you have figured out what you need to do to make it through the events. Terrific!

When I am invited somewhere, or asked to do something and I decline, I struggle with people being surprised that I am still recovering after four months. (I am not cleared to drive. I work half days and take a nap every day).

I am a teacher and a lot of parents say that to me. I talked about this with my doctor and she said to just say something like " Yes, I am still recovering. My doctor and I have a plan for a complete recovery and that includes fill in the blank. Thank you for your understanding"

Sometimes it helps to throw in the word doctor every now and then. Even to mom's. My mom asks me how I am. I tell her about my week. She just listens to me and then says "oh my. good luck with all that." Not helpful!