Thursday night I went out with my girlfriend and her mom to Fremont St Experience. I'm no longer just messed up when I'm stressed, overstimulated or really hot...Now, its all the time. So I might as well just live my life, right? For those of you who've never been to Las Vegas, its a street that has a bunch of casinos, stages with loud music playing, lights flashing everywhere, thousands of people walking and talking...and its just hell for someone with PCS. Well, I survived the whole ordeal (with some cognitive and speech problems) but I ended up a mess when I got home.

I slept maybe 2 hours that night before I had to get up with the kids. When I woke up, I could hardly speak or think. As the day went by, it started to get better. I was on the bus when I had a conversation with someone that actually went quite well. Since that conversation, the rest of the day turned out pretty good. My actual personality came back and I was almost talking like I normally would without a brain injury. Out of nowhere, it came back with a vengeance. Around 11pm, I was back to not being able to express myself properly, I was saying things that weren't very nice (because I didn't know how to express it in a nicer way) and my personality changed for the worse. Now today, I just want to bury my head in the sand because I'm hardly able to articulate myself.

Here's the thing...Its been about 3 weeks since I had a good day. My days are usually crap no matter what I do. Now, this question is probably going to be hard to answer but...Why is it when I avoid overstimulation, wear my earplugs, stay away from stress, and whatever else brings on symptoms for someone with a brain injury, I function like crap anyways. But, I go out to Fremont Street, which is a nightmare for someone with PCS and the very next day I have the best day I've had in 3 weeks. It doesn't make sense. That happened a few weeks ago, too, when I went to a busy casino pool (hundreds of people, kids screaming, loud music playing, etc). I broke through my expressive aphasia and functioned quite well...and then again for 3-4 days afterwards.

I'm just confused and frustrated. I just want more good days...I'm tired of being messed up for weeks at a time before I have one good day. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason why it happens this way.

I envy those who have "symptom free" days. I can't remember the last time that's happened...or if its even happened at all.