I'm starting to reconsider my appointment with the brain injury rehab clinic next week.

I had my fall 5 months ago and I've been driving since with no problems. I drove 2 days after my fall, in hindsight, that probably wasn't good, as I came home from a 30 mins drive exhausted and miserable. The ER doc did not say don't drive (the only 2 things he cared about was me remembering my birthday and waiting 1 week to ride horses again).

I saw my old family doctor who said I should not ride for a year and should not even RIDE in a car for a year, for fear of an accident and further damage. I explicitly asked if he was reporting me to the ministry of transportation and he said no no, it was just a suggestion for my own safety.

I've been seeing my new family doctor regularly and he's the one that made the referral to the rehab clinic at my request. He's never mentioned not driving or anything to that effect.

But now I'm concerned that if I go to the BRAIN INJURY rehab clinic, they will have to file a report with the ministry, who will then review it and make some random decision about my license status.

This worry is compounded by the fact I'm the only driver in the family and we live rurally, so its not like we can just start taking a bus... the nearest bus is 20 kms away. Taxis do not come out this far.

My husband doesn't drive because he learned to drive out west, where there were no people and then when he moved east, he didn't need to drive (lived in the city where a car was a liability) and has not driven in over 15 years.

My daughter only has a learner's permit, she went away to university in the city where again, a car is a liability and she was never motivated by the "promise of freedom" She had freedom with public transit.

I drive daily, morning and evening, to the bus station and back to get my family to the bus so they can go to work. I generally avoid going downtown, but the few times I've been caught in rush hour its been fine, a bit stressful maybe, but fine. No near misses or anything scary. I've asked my family a few times if they have noticed anything while I'm driving and they both say my driving seems the same as always, but I don't expect they'd be the most objective either.

And I know that just because the doc reports you to the ministry, they don't automatically take away your license, but I'm really uneasy about going to the clinic now.

It makes me feel like I can't be totally honest about my symptoms or the severity without fear of losing my license. But how do I get the help I need?

For short periods of time, if I work very hard, I can mostly cover up my symptoms so people don't notice. They mostly only start to notice when I get tired or upset (which will happen at the clinic if I'm worrying about my license!!) so I could probably fake my way through the appointment, but then, what's the point in going?

Anyone else find themselves in this situation?

Right now, I'm seriously considering phoning the clinic, canceling my appointment and telling them I'm fine. I have an appointment with my family doc today and I might ask him about it.

Having my license suspended would create a major family hardship, I already feel like enough of a burden to them... If I was forced to stop driving, that might be enough to cause my marriage permanent damage. There would be no upside to having me around anymore.

At the same time, if I get no help, I'm pretty sure my husband is out of here anyhow, I don't know how much longer he can be patient with me and this situation.

Anyone??

Starr