Well, its been over a year now since my mTBI.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Nick...and I suffered a brain bleed and contusion on my left frontal lobe after a violent, random assault. It happened after a wonderful day out with a friend. We were on our way back home from the casino and decided to stop at McDonalds for an early dinner. We were followed into the restaurant by a white male and female, and we got assaulted from behind. Both of us got knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I was in the back of a police car (traffic warrant) and my friend was being checked out by a paramedic.

That moment has changed my life forever. After the assault, I was hardly able to walk and my head hurt like hell. After a few weeks of rest, I was good as new. I went back to living my life with hardly any symptoms (maybe a mild headache and slight dizziness here and there). A few months passed and suddenly, one by one, symptoms started to pop up left and right. Every day it was something new. It started with psychiatric problems (panic attacks/feeling like I was going crazy), then it turned into physical symptoms (tingling when I tilted my head down, numbness in my hands and face).

Then, it was the cognitive problems. It started with brain fog here and there, then it turned into severe brain fog when I watched TV, played video games, went to the store, talked with people, etc. Then, it was confusion when I became overstimulated. Now, its all day everyday no matter what I do. My expressive speech is utter garbage. I'm having trouble reading, following conversations, knowing what to say next, my processing speed is horrible now, and I blankly stare at text messages...not knowing how to respond.

My friends are all going out to the bar and having a drink, going bowling, shooting pool, going to the casino, the strip (Las Vegas), Fremont St Experience, playing video games, watching TV and movies...and doing everything I CAN'T DO. Its ridiculous...my life is so ****ing boring now. I don't want to kill myself, but I honestly don't see any reason to live now...Well, besides for my son. I'm even having trouble interacting with him now.

When will I be able to enjoy life again? What do I have to look forward to? Every couple months I wake up and I'm worse than I've ever been and it just stays that way. I don't really have good days and bad days...They are more like bad and horrible days. I've spent a year now trying to find something that I could enjoy without causing me problems. There is nothing that doesn't mess me up.

So, while everyone goes out and enjoys their lives...I'll just sit here and do nothing.

I've been doing the "stay positive" thing for 3 months now and I'm still declining. It didn't really get me anywhere. My symptoms are so unbearable now, there is nothing positive about it.

Anyone have any ideas on why I'm getting worse? I'm open to any ideas...I'm fresh out.

Have you tried meditation? It can help ENORMOUSLY w/ all sorts of ills.

You can access free meditations*edit*
Good luck & I'll have you in my prayers.

Nick,

I think Las Vegas is too much living for you. There are plenty of places where people live enjoyable lives without the Las Vegas chaos. Maybe you need to consider living somewhere where there are things to do that are less extreme stimulation.

You are a father of a toddler. Your life should be settling down even without the TBI. My son just turned 31. He has 3 kids. He has a good pay job. They go out without the kids about once a month. That is life with young kids.

btw, What happened to the people who assaulted you?

I tried a form of meditation called "Guided Imagery" while attending the brain injury rehabilitation program. It didn't really do anything for me...I would fall asleep every time and wake up feeling weird. So, I asked them to remove me from that class. I haven't tried any other types of meditation yet...I'll look into it.

I'm just trying to find anything that makes me feel better and stay better.

Mark, I have no other choice but to live in Las Vegas. Even if I get approved for SSI, its not nearly enough to live anywhere else. Its very cheap to live here...My girlfriend and I are renting a one bedroom apartment in a gated community for 400 a month right now. My only other option is to move to L.A. with my aunt and uncle; who already have my dad and my grandma living there too.
We are trying to move out of Vegas...but right now isn't an option.

The people who assaulted me didn't get caught and we don't have any info about them.

This is really unbearable.

I am so sorry the people who assaulted you did not get caught. That has got to be frustrating.

I understand how you feel, depression-wise. I don't live in Vegas, but I am used to being out and about activity-wise (Exercising, training, etc) and doing active things with the kids. It IS hard sometimes. ( I am 7 months into this now)

And I know it is hard to keep hearing that you really have to try to think positively, but that is the only thing keeping me going right now, and I am not going to lie, it doesn't work a lot of the times.

Keep hanging in there, and I am not a doctor, but maybe the damage caused by the teeth will take a while to heal itself; it took a while for it to impair you, so maybe it will be a little while to detox from your system. Just a thought?

I know this probably didn't help a lot, but I am thinking of you and hoping that things start getting better for you.

-K.-