Well, its been over a year now since my mTBI.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Nick...and I suffered a brain bleed and contusion on my left frontal lobe after a violent, random assault. It happened after a wonderful day out with a friend. We were on our way back home from the casino and decided to stop at McDonalds for an early dinner. We were followed into the restaurant by a white male and female, and we got assaulted from behind. Both of us got knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I was in the back of a police car (traffic warrant) and my friend was being checked out by a paramedic.

That moment has changed my life forever. After the assault, I was hardly able to walk and my head hurt like hell. After a few weeks of rest, I was good as new. I went back to living my life with hardly any symptoms (maybe a mild headache and slight dizziness here and there). A few months passed and suddenly, one by one, symptoms started to pop up left and right. Every day it was something new. It started with psychiatric problems (panic attacks/feeling like I was going crazy), then it turned into physical symptoms (tingling when I tilted my head down, numbness in my hands and face).

Then, it was the cognitive problems. It started with brain fog here and there, then it turned into severe brain fog when I watched TV, played video games, went to the store, talked with people, etc. Then, it was confusion when I became overstimulated. Now, its all day everyday no matter what I do. My expressive speech is utter garbage. I'm having trouble reading, following conversations, knowing what to say next, my processing speed is horrible now, and I blankly stare at text messages...not knowing how to respond.

My friends are all going out to the bar and having a drink, going bowling, shooting pool, going to the casino, the strip (Las Vegas), Fremont St Experience, playing video games, watching TV and movies...and doing everything I CAN'T DO. Its ridiculous...my life is so ****ing boring now. I don't want to kill myself, but I honestly don't see any reason to live now...Well, besides for my son. I'm even having trouble interacting with him now.

When will I be able to enjoy life again? What do I have to look forward to? Every couple months I wake up and I'm worse than I've ever been and it just stays that way. I don't really have good days and bad days...They are more like bad and horrible days. I've spent a year now trying to find something that I could enjoy without causing me problems. There is nothing that doesn't mess me up.

So, while everyone goes out and enjoys their lives...I'll just sit here and do nothing.

I've been doing the "stay positive" thing for 3 months now and I'm still declining. It didn't really get me anywhere. My symptoms are so unbearable now, there is nothing positive about it.

Anyone have any ideas on why I'm getting worse? I'm open to any ideas...I'm fresh out.