[SpaceCadet]

That seems to be the story of my recovery. You know, for a year and a half now I've been dealing with the hellish roller coaster of PCS. There will a day or two where I feel like i dont even have a brain injury. Then, literally out of nowhere, im right back to square one. It gets very exhausting and discouraging when you think for one day that you are making progress and the next thing you know, you're robbed of that great feeling and you function very poorly for 1-4 weeks. Then, its one or two days of peace and right back to poor functioning again.

Im tired of it.

Here's what made it the breaking point for me, which is why i decided to post today: The whole month of November, I was functioning like a pro. Then, at the end of the month I get hit with the quadruple whammy. I end up in the hospital after blowing my nose and being knocked to the ground with severe vertigo. Same day, I'm injected with a medication that caused a severe, psychotic reaction and causes a huge brain injury relapse. All the while, I'm in the process of quitting pain meds cold turkey (which is hell as it is).

Okay, two nights ago, I'm desperate to find out what could possibly make feel better. I went for a 4 mile walk, while praying out loud to the Lord to help me, came home and took a warm bath...and I swear it was like magic. I suddenly felt like I didn't have an injury at all. I'm healed!!! The next day, I wake up a little foggy like I always do...but it goes away. I'm feeling great as ever. I still take it easy, stay home and hang with my son and little sister. Out of nowhere last night, my brain turns off. My memory turns to complete and utter garbage, my processing speed is dropped to the ground, I cant keep a thought in my head without it disappearing and never coming back....and for what? I didnt do anything before this happened.

Im back to square one.

Theres my vent. Im done. I just want to crawl under a rock until my next one day of good functioning but cant because I have a son to take care of.

FML.