StaceyRose, you may want to frame the NP assesment in the terms for both of you. Him so he can understand all the effects better and develop strategies for quality of life issues. For you so you can better see the challenges he faces everyday.

I really feared getting the assessment but found that the information has helped me soooooo mmmmuuuuuccccchhhh!!! Slowed processing speeds are common and can be very frustrating. As can memory issues. Before I knew better I was afraid my injury made me stupid. It may very well help put a lot of unknown fear to rest for you both.

Mark,
wooohooo I found a great neuropsyc. in our network, authorization is pending and he agreed! I almost cried! I think the white board idea is great. I have one that I used everytime I left his room in the hospital and when he got home but then stopped. I will bring it back out, great idea.
feeling hopeful!

Looks like my post didn't post. Hmm...well...I got him to say yes to seeing a neuropsyc!!! So over the moon about this. It's taken me months to get this answer. We are just waiting on insurance, which shouldn't take too long. I also found a great neuropsychologist in our area!
Thank you for the white board idea. I used to use one when he was in the hospital and new to home but I stopped. I will bring it back out again.

Things are progressing....phew!

StacyRose,
So glad to hear of this progress. You sound much more upbeat. I am in the middle of neuropsychological testing now but am hoping for some good insight in to my problems and also some treatment options that would be best for me. Try to encourage your spouse to come talk to us. Maybe if you read him some of the posts he will know he is not alone and might start to consider getting some support from a group. This group of people here are the best. They have been so helpful to me and I am so grateful for each and everyone of them.
Glad that you are getting some much needed support also.
Brain

I am so glad I stumbled onto this thread. My story is long so bare with me...

My husband suffered a bad concussion 6 years ago snowboarding. I was with him and saw the impact. It wasn't good. He also suffered several concussions through the years playing Rugby.

When I first got to him he seemed to pop right up. Not sure if he ever lost consciousness as he seemed to just lay in the snow awake. He got up on his own and recognized he had a concussion and said don't worry about it I'm just a bit concussed. I said well you're going to the hospital regardless.

As we left he talked me into going home first to get a change of clothes. As we were leaving I had a thought to ask him which way was home. We had just moving into our house a few weeks later and he picked the way to our old house.... The WRONG way. I proceeded to go to the new house and he changed and we were on our way to the hospital.

Along the way I wanted to see how much he remembered. Nothing from the accident, nothing about the new house. He wanted to make sure I called his dad and my dad (They died 3 years prior). I had to tell him that they had passed away 3 years ago which brought on tears like he had never heard that before. It was heart wrenching.

While we checked into the ER he started vomiting and was checked in for the evening after it was worse than just a slight concussion. After we got to our room I started noticing he would ask the same 10 or so questions every minute. He kept repeating them as if his brain was resetting every minute. Needless to say it was an exhausting and very scary night as I thought is this going to be life now? Will they be the same questions over and over again and me giving the same answers.....

He was wide awake most of the night asking the same questions so much I wrote them down and the answers so when he asked I just pointed to the piece of paper. Eventually he started to have the foggy suspicion he had asked them for hrs on end. The nurse and I tried to get him to sleep as he needed to rest his brain. He finally fell asleep at 4 am in the morning.

8 am rolled around and I woke up with him sleeping soundly. We were new to the area and didn't know anybody so I had to run home feed and let out the dogs. On my way back I received a call from the brain specialist (whatever you call them) saying he woke up and was not asking the same questions but didn't have any memory of the incidents leading up to him being in the hospital. Eventually through the years his memory has gotten better regarding that night but there are still blanks.

Life was pretty good up until the past 2 years. He's always been a bit of a control freak. A bit annoying but I just did things such as drive the car, cut the grass, and other things the way I wanted to. He never got mad. It started slightly but it drives him nuts and we have been fighting a lot so much so now he gets vertigo (might be post concussion related) and has high blood pressure. He blames it on the stress of the marriage I blame it on that he works himself up so much. I'm a pretty calm person. His mum only sees him every few years but has noticed how bad he's gotten. Christmas 2014 with his whole family in the states for the first time at Christmas lead to melt down after melt down. He doesn't even know how to cook a turkey but he was yelling at everyone in the kitchen that did know how to cook.

Again, sorry for the long rant. A month ago he shocked me by asking for a divorce. We were going to marriage counseling but he said it wasn't worth trying as he didn't love me anymore. I don't believe that at all, not for a second. He also said something key and it was I don't believe I'm cut out for marriage. Where did that come from? 14 years tomorrow (march 31st) and 17 years together in total.... How do you just come to this conclusion? I'm convinced it's concussion related as he changed a lot 2 years ago. Big highs where he is at the top of the world and very lows where he's barking at me, family, and friends for no reason. It's been tough to say the least.

I have a friend that runs the knockout project and he's provided great information. I feel well educated and he's textbook as my friend says. The emotional mood swings. Support to me for going after my education but yelling at me a day later that he hates it. He all of a sudden hates everything that is me and he's always loved me for me.

I really feel stupid as I should have researched the signs years ago. The loving me, not loving me. The flip flop on decisions. The emotional roller coaster and now a possible divorce. He moved out Saturday. We're currently in the friend mode. I've recognized he needs help but he's acting as my friend who runs the non-profit knockout project. I was given some great insight that he's in a fog and it comes and goes. He's convinced himself our disagreements (about his crazy out of line control moments) are causing him health issues. He's convinced himself that it's not worth fighting for with counseling...

The insight is he knows something is wrong. He feels he's changed but can't stop the snapping when it's a normal conversation with anyone. He has also said he doesn't love me the way a husband should love a wife. Over the past few days he's now back to I love you although he hasn't wanted to come back. I'm hoping the downtime separation will bring some sense to him, it usually does when he's alone.

I have sense reached out to his mother via skype. It was the first time I had spoken to her since he told her that he wanted a divorce. She asked me what has changed in him? I went through the concussion stuff I knew and both of us agree he needs help after the start of the decline 2 years ago. She was shocked at a lot of it but I bury it. We are a very tight family but I didn't want to worry her. Now she knows as I didn't feel it would be good for him to move out without her knowing what I've been through the past 2 years.

I'm not sure of my questions but one would be how do you help someone realize they need help? I know he knows it but he's in a fog. My friend that runs the concussion sight said he was convinced his wife hated him (she didn't) and also that he was a ticking time bomb and felt that he needed to leave the family as they would be better off. I know this is going on. I feel it as we still talk (text) nonstop. I can't cut him off as he has no one here. I think it's clear that now that he's in a high although a sad time I need to approach it again. I'm worried that will bring him to a low and he'll go into denial and cut me off. He seems to be running away but he can't run away from this problem that is Post Traumatic Concussion issues. Everything is textbook.

I'm just crushed and it feels great to get all this out. I just don't know what to do. Happy 14 years anniversary to me and my husband, my soul partner, and the love of my life. We are off to lunch tomorrow. I have convinced him that we are in this together. Friends are where we are and I can't let him go through tomorrow alone. He can't let me either. I'm thankful to have what I have for now.

SXFemale1,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Sorry to hear of the struggles you are going through.

I can help you understand this a bit better. I'm surprised Jay did not help you more. Yes, this is classic Post Concussion Syndrome. It is not uncommon to have flat affect. It takes a lot of work to work through the issues of flat affect. When your hubby says he does not love you, it can be completely because he has severe flat affect and has lost the emotional sensations common to love. The fact that once apart, he has expressed his love supports this. He recognized a sort of habituation of love. He can recognize the desire to be with you because being with you provides other sensations.

Loneliness can be a non-emotional feeling. Sort of a 'this does not feel right but I do not understand why.'

I say this because I have lived with this for years. With it can be anhedonia, a lack of ability to sense pleasure. The two can lead to a miserable existence.

I would encourage you to do two things.
Get him started on a brain health nutrition regimen like posted in the Vitamins sticky at the top. The first post has a link to the updated info at post #101. It is not a quick fix but can help with some issues over the long term.
Next, try to find a counselor who understands PCS, anhedonia, and flat affect.

If a counselor can help him understand that these symptoms are due to his injury and not a part of who he is, it may help him learn to accommodate them in ways that do not have such a negative effect on others. The outbursts, biting criticism and such can also be reduced.

He likely has other struggles that you are not aware of. Cognitive struggles are often internalized but can be very frustrating. Struggles processing conversations can also be a problem leading to verbal 'issues.' His world may have become very black and white with struggles to see anything in the grey areas.

Please feel free to ask any questions.

My best to you.