I am not offended. I know you don't understand what I mean by chronic pain. I don't have just normal pain. I have so much pain that there is no not taking medication. Without it I am moaning, screaming, swearing, sweating mess that no one could live with. I don't know if you have ever seen a person in SEVERE pain. It is not a pretty site. This pain cripples me even with morphine. It is very hard to live in pain like this. I am unable to read or even talk at times. That is why this is the thing I most have to control. I am not saying that you have not had pain and I know you do have pain at times but you have not experienced pain at my level.
Brain

why I need meds....
 

Now now, lets not get into a disagreement about who's in more pain or who has the worst brain injury! Nobody can know what another person is going through :wink: :hug:

I have done my research on effexor and I'm terrified of the withdrawal symptoms especially because I've had to go off my teeny tiny dose of Amitriptyline (10mg) before and had horrible withdrawal symptoms even with tapering. But I have to give something a shot and this one has good success when you're on it. I guess I'll worry about going off it when it happens.

I'm not being prescribed an anti depressant for chronic pain or sleep (that's what my amitriptyline is for) it's being prescribed because the chemicals in my brain are out of whack and I'm having terrible anxiety and panic attacks. My brain is reacting to everything as if it's dangerous (possibly due to the dizziness and blurred vision) and is setting off a fight or flight response.

The fight or flight response is causing very real, very horrible symptoms of my brain shutting down, then comes the shaking and increased dizziness and blurred vision. Then a full blown panic attack could happen with chest pains, trouble breathing, etc. It's very frightening and making it difficult for me to move forward and increase my activities.

As I've been trying to go out of my house I've been having much more dizziness, blurred vision, crying for no reason, feelings of sadness and frustration and possibly the worst one is fear. I'm afraid to go out alone (almost got hit by a car), I'm afraid of the panic attacks, I'm afraid I'm not going to get better, I'm afraid I'll never return to the job I love. I don't like these feelings and they're getting stronger and stronger.

Like I've said, I meditate every day, I eat extremely well, I take my supplements, I use cognitive behaviour techniques and these feelings are getting stronger and stronger. I cannot ignore medications anymore no matter how much I don't want to take them.

I trust my NP and she has said no to meds all the way till now (9 months) and we have done everything else. She has seen the change in me and says it's time for meds. I trust that.

I have just taken my first pill, we are starting low at only 37.5mg, so lets hope there's no immediate reactions and then I can slowly work my way up.

Thanks everyone for all the advice and support. I look out my window and spring is coming, this is time for joy not fear.

Have a great day!
CC

Cyclecrash,

Good luck with this, when people are struggling with symptoms and getting better then medication can help some people. Both my mood, symptoms and pain have all improved since taking medication, I just am thankful that I was honest with my doctor about my mood, because he has taken note of all my symptoms and prescribed the correct medication for me.

Sorry
 

Sorry for the outburst guys. Having a bad pain day. My fault. I apologize.
I do know what you mean C.C about the panic and fear issues. I wonder all the time if this is more of a problem then the pain with trying to get out and do things. I too have gotten lost trying to get home and have flight/fight instincts kicking in. I won't go anywhere alone either. If I was not already on so much medication and I did not have bad reactions to anti-depressant type meds then I would try one also. When it is this bad then you need medication. I think all of us know that and all of us have tried not to get on medication until absolutely necessary. That is what smart people do and we are all smart people. I hope this works for you. We should save the worry about getting off meds for later. We may need them for life so it is not worth much consideration. I hope all of us can find anything that helps. Whatever that may be. I am not judging. I am glad if it helps. I did notice that the clonazepam I was prescribed for seizures also helps for the anxiety, fear, fight/flight issues. That is a plus.
Brain :grouphug: