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Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome For traumatic brain injury (TBI) and post concussion syndrome (PCS). |
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04-21-2013, 06:08 PM | #1 | ||
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So I've been in denial in a variety of ways for about 2 1/2 years and am now trying to deal with things. I'm normally a highly intuitive person and often have felt like I should have been therapist. My friends call me to help them through their problems. But here I am, with no real sense of my own reality. How did this happen? And what do I do now?
Okay, so my most recent case of denial has been that I am okay besides my vision-related issues. My cognitive symptoms--ie mental fogginess, memory problems, problems concentrating--have resolved, leaving me with mostly my normal ADHD symptoms, but I still have no energy, no motivation, and very little stamina. Trouble is, I've always been a bit lethargic and lacking motivation, so I tend to blame myself for something that I'm sure is related to my PCS. I can't help but feel like I'm making excuses for myself, that I should be able to get it together. I find myself wasting my days doing nothing. I don't do things I enjoy or tasks that make me feel a sense of accomplishment. I just do nothing and I can't seem to stop myself from falling into that stupor. I end up feeling depressed and worthless. I am at a stage in my recovery where I can do more, so why aren't I? My therapist thinks maybe it is out of fear, but I honestly do not know if that is correct. I know I am having some issues with depression and am considering medication again, but I don't feel like it's depression that is causing me to act this way. It feels more like depression is the result of this behavior. Or am I just deluding myself again? I just don't know what end is up anymore! So right now, my daughter still in daycare, because we were waiting until I was ready to be more social before keeping her home to stay with me during the day. My husband and I were just afraid that she wasn't going to get enough social interaction, because she's very used to playing with other kids all the time. In retrospect, I wish that I had her home with me sooner. She'll be home with me starting the second week of May. So here's an example of a typical day for me as of late: 7:00 am: get up and get my daughter ready for daycare 8:30: drop her off at daycare 8:45: pick up groceries 9.30: unload groceries and do some dishes and kitchen clean up while talking on the phone to my mom. 10:15: get laundry going 10:30: mess around on Internet 11:00: tidy up around the house/more laundry 11:30: eat lunch and watch tv 12:15: do physical therapy while watching tv 1:00: watch tv, feel worthless, think of all the things I could be doing 1:45: write in my journal about how worthless I feel 2:15: mess around on my phone while a timer I set in the kitchen to motivate myself to get off my butt goes off every ten seconds 2:30: turn off the timer, do laundry 2:45: scurry around the house trying to accomplish a few household chores so it looks like I've had a productive day 4:45: welcome husband and daughter home and spend the next few hours caring for/playing with daughter and cooking dinner for family. 8:00: put daughter to bed 8:15: clean up kitchen 8:45: talk to husband and watch tv 10:30: lay in bed and play games on my phone until I feel tired 11:00: fall asleep Writing that, I just feel so pathetic! Any advise would be appreciated. Not sure what to do with myself!
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I have recovered my cognitive function, and I've overcome severe vertigo through sensory integration therapy. Wellbutrin has helped me escape depression. I have recently had a few stress-related migraines, as well as headaches stemming from eye strain. I'm also dealing with tinnitus, lack of stamina, extreme light sensitivity, and eye pain. Diagnosed with 9 different vision issues: convergence insufficiency, pursuit eye movement deficit, egocentric visual midline shift, photophobia, visual information processing delays, accommodative insufficiency, saccadic eye movement deficit, lack of coordination, and central peripheral visual integration deficit. *First concussion: October 2010. I was pregnant and got rear ended. I associated my mild PCS symptoms with baby brain and blamed my light sensitivity on allergies and dry eyes. *Second concussion: December 2011. I hit my head on a wooden beam, saw stars but did not lose consciousness, and I had very disturbing PCS symptoms but didn't go to the doctor. *Third concussion: August 2012. I caused a car accident as a result of PCS symptoms. Thankfully no one was injured but me. My husband confronted me, and I finally sought help and took medical leave from work. My symptoms worsened, and I developed severe vertigo. *Fourth concussion: November 2012. I was riding in a car with a friend and we were hit head on by a driver who lost control of her car. I didn't have a big increase in PCS symptoms. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | MsRriO (04-22-2013) |
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