When I actually post, I post in Tourette's. However, I "recently" reconnected with a dear friend, so:

I am looking for information on recovery from severe TBI- a friend was in a motorcycle accident several years ago which resulted in a 3 month hospital stay. His memories of that time are unclear, and he could have been in comatose state that long, with his stay even longer. I know his family had to fight to have him released to them, rather than long term care. I'm still not completely sure what all injuries he had or still has, except long and short term retrograde memory loss, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue. He has done amazingly well in recovery.

Although we had lost touch somewhat (only minor contact just prior to the accident, and then after,) both "times" of this person are important to me. I don't treat him much differently than I did before and am trying very hard not to push him too much or minimize his continuing medical issues.

I guess my questions relate to what to expect. I hardly know what I want to ask escpt: Is he mostly recovered after 3 1/2 years? Is staying home and avoiding dating to be expected, even though he is attracted to someone and they to him? I don't know enough, I can read brain injury articles until I'm crazy, but I won't really understand unless someone explains to me how it FEELS.

Thanks for any help

Vrie,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. From the information you posted, it is hard to give much help.

Some questions for you.

Does he and/or his family participate in a Brain Injury Support Group ?
Do you sense that they try to keep him protected at home?

Are your dating questions hypothetical or do you have an interest in him ?
Your historical relationship with him is history. You need to determine what his personality is like now. He may continue to improve is some skills but his personality is not likely to change. You may notice parts of his personality that are gone and new parts that you never saw before.

This does not mean you can not have a good relationship. It will likely be difficult. With 2 special needs children, you may be taking on quite a load. There will be a need to develop responses to his struggles and personality glitches that takes concerted effort. ADHD/OCD and TS may make it difficult between your kids and him.

I may be way off base but from what you have said, this is my first impression.

My best to you.

Hi Vrie and welcome.

I may be a bit on an outlier, as I substantially recovered from my TBI in around 5 months, but I'll share my experience.

My TBI was classified as moderate to severe; upon admission to hospital my GCS was 11. I had a fractured skull with epidural hematoma with midline shift and subarachnoid hemorrhage, which required craniotomy surgery. My post traumatic amnesia was around 5 weeks; total hospital stay was two months.

How it felt changed over time. As I first emerged from the amnesia and general fog, I just kind of wondered around the hospital in my wheelchair trying to figure out where I was and why. I had physical, occupational and speech therapy each day. I didn’t like speech therapy because the therapist would ask difficult questions (like what year it was) that I couldn’t answer. This was frustrating, so I started memorizing the date written on the white board in my room so I could give the therapist the correct date when she asked.

Frustration continued as I started to realize I wasn’t as “smart” as I used to be. As cognitive functions improved my frustration decreased. Then fear set in, as in “what if I can’t go back to work and do the things I used to do?” After continued progress, at the five month mark a neuropsychological evaluation indicated normal cognitive functioning and I was released to return to work. The feelings here were relief and gratitude.

Regarding your friend, I’ll just say all brain injuries are different and the recovery path is different. So “is he mostly recovered after 3 ½ years” isn’t an easy question to answer. The conventional thinking used to be that recovery mostly occurs within the first year or so. There is now evidence that healing can continue long after that. Continued recovery can consist of the remapping of neuro pathways, or it can be that we make adjustments to compensate for functions that used to be controlled by the injured areas of the brain.

If he is attracted to someone and they to him, I don’t see any reason not to pursue the relationship. Only he can answer the question if he is ready for the emotions involved in building a relationship, and she needs to consider how much care he may need, and her readiness for that role.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to frame my experience of feelings around recovery through the description of the accident and my recovery process.

Best to you both.

Thank you both for replies. I was tired last night of reading about mild TBI or about regaining consciousness, neither of which related! My friend is amazing, both personally and in his recovery. He literally died and is back to everything but riding a motorcycle dating and working.

More background foryou mark...the past relationship was friends...naw maybe different as both expressed interest. As for myself, my 2 special needs children are essentially grown, and are only a small consideration. Brain injury group not likely, this is a pretty rural area and his family takes care of their own as he put it. Yes, his family protects him, but he also takes care of them.

For lightrail, I am quite accustomed to a "care" role. I work. In special education and cared for a partner with cancer for 2 years. As mark noted, I also raised 2 special needs children. Level of care is not an issue to me.

The relationship is still in expressed interest and "we'll see" mode... I am just a researcher and like to know. It may not change things, but at least I have an idea.

Vrie,

It would be good if you can spend time with him doing any kind of daily tasks. The more intense the task the better. This way you will be able to see him under stress. This is the real him. Seeing him struggle will be important. He does not need help when he struggles. What is more important is to see how he handles struggles and how you handle watching him struggle.

Go with him to congested public environments. See how he handles over-stimulation. This will give you more understanding of his functions. Montana is a great place to be brain injured because there is a lot of opportunity to be away from congested public environments.

My best to you.

Hi Vrie- my brain injury was termed "moderate" - and if you ask family members, they would say it took 10 years before I began functioning socially and otherwise on a somewhat normal level. I still have my difficulties, but learned the brain isn't a machine that functions at the same level each day- some days are better, some worse, same for months! Unfortunate that such an important organ takes longer to heal than any other part of the body (or so I've been told). I worry about your friend's chronic pain- it has been known to result in depression. I once knew someone who had chronic pain following a motorcycle accident and they ended up having to take rather heavy-duty pain medication for many years. This person quite disliked having to do that, but otherwise quality of life was so bad due to the constant pain and depression it became barely tolerable. Took some "swallowing of pride" to start swallowing pills, but things got better after that. I don't know what the situation was with brain injury or lack thereof in that case- so I apologize if that makes a difference. Perhaps only a doctor or PharmD would know about that.

We are going slow as to whether to be more than friends, but first and foremost, he is my friend. As such, we spend a great deal of time on the phone. In person, we have spent time sitting at a friends quiet house, at a bar or two , and at a very busy car show; a variety of settings. It's nice to have my friend around, and I think he may realize I mean that. So many people have expected him to be the "old" friend, but i like him just as he is!