[easeinbeing]

Hi <3 I hope you're each healing okay or at least continually...

I'm so distressed. My most significant concussion was in 2009. I've struggled with PCS ever since... had minor hits to the head althroughout healing too None of the symptoms went away and I'm worried that they are getting worse. Has anyone ever felt that way?

I'm back at school for the first time in 4 years. Only taking 2 courses but I don't think I can do it. I am working my hardest and I feel so sick. I can't keep up and I don't think I'm retaining anything without memory aids. I can't recall what I've learned if it's been more than a few seconds without having the material.

I've started becoming increasingly disoriented. I lose myself in time and space. Memories from before my head injury feel closer in time than memories after. It's so extreme that childhood memories feel closer to me than what happened two days ago. I'll look in a mirror and be surprised to not see someone much younger. I'll be in my room, knowing its my room, and then I'll look up and feel shock and have to remind myself it's my room. I don't know if this is extreme regression or if I am actually losing my memory/mind. I feel like I only remember things that happened since by seeing pictures. I worry that without social media showing me people, years would be blacked out from my memory. It's getting worse every day.

After looking it up and seeing that this is anterograde amnesia, I panicked. This happened today. Hours after, I remembered recent hits to the head. Once yesterday and once sometime last week... I'm so nauseous. I don't know if I have dementia because it keeps getting worse. It was getting worse despite the additional injuries.

I'm going to go to a hospital tomorrow because I'm too scared to go right now. I feel terrible - disjointed, petrified, and so confused.

Thanks for listening :/