Hi All,

I am still improving and I should continue to improve over the next 5-6 months due to the hormone treatments I am receiving.

But my job is VERY difficult and I am beginning to wonder if I will ever improve enough to be able perform in it again to my own satisfaction.

My job is also very stressful and I feel like I need to have a job with less stress.

I used to thrive in a stressful environment, and now I shut down and need to recover from it.

I am a different person than I was before the accident I was in. The change was sudden and traumatic and it's been really difficult for me to figure it all out - I know that many of you know what I'm referring to.

I feel very impaired and inadequate compared to who I was before the accident that caused the mtbi and hypopituitarism.

My job is highly skilled, fast-paced, demanding physically and intellectually and also in somewhat of a niche field.

How can I figure out what job I should look for if the time comes for me to throw in the towel here?

Since my overall functioning has been changed so dramatically, I'm not really sure what my skills are anymore and that's making it really tough for me to figure out what I should do, where I should go and what I can actually do well.

I want to give myself the full time I need to recover as much as I can, they say to give it about a year of hormone replacement therapy and I'm about half way through that.

But I'm the kind of person that I like to look ahead and see where I'm going and know what I'm doing. I want to start formulating a "back up" plan if I need to.

And I've also been so very stressed out lately, with the events at work, that I have been feeling like I'm just not good enough at my job and that doesn't feel good.

I'm not the person I was when I accepted the position before the accident, and there isn't any guarantee that I'll be able to function like I did 3.5+ years ago.

I'm very lucky and grateful that I still have my job and the benefits that come with it, but if I can't do the job well, then I feel like I owe it to my employer to step aside and let someone else take it. And I owe it to myself to be able to do a good job wherever I work so I can feel some kind of fulfillment and pride. I used to do my job so well and now I come home and I feel like a loser with a job I don't deserve.

Maybe if I had a new job, I wouldn't be able to compare my "before" self with my "after" self as much too every day.

Should I get neuropsychological testing to help me figure out what my strengths are?

I have a "higher functioning" intellect and my speech therapist told me long ago (when I was doing only maybe half as well as I am now or worse) that I was too smart for her to help me progress any further than I had at that point and so I stopped going to see her. It turns out that cognitive therapies can only take a person so far through their recovery.

And I've read that neuropsych evaluations and assessments are not great at figuring out the details of people with higher functioning levels for the most part as well.

My insurance has denied the referrals for neuropsych testing, so if I went, I would be paying out of pocket and I want to make sure it's worth it because it's uber expensive and I'd rather spend my money on something else or save it.

I had my whole life to figure out what my skills were, what I wanted to do and where my interests were when I chose my career in this field. I worked in it consistently for about 16 years before the accident I was in and I was very successful.

It's only been 3.5 years since I've been completely changed from an accident that someone else caused and it's really hard for me to figure out what I can do and what I want to do and that sort of thing so I'm pretty confused about it.

Any help or advice you can give me about this situation is much appreciated.

I know this happens to a lot of people... I wish our society had better and more organized ways of helping people through these situations.

I suggest you start creating a list of the issues you need to limit or have some control over. For me, I need to have control over schedule intensity. I also need to have access to escape from over-stimulation. Then, with this list, you can put together a scenario that will be conducive to a good work environment.

If you struggle to learn new skills, understanding how to best learn new skills will be helpful. I need a slow multi-sensory learning model with lots of opportunity for repetition.

You may be able to get some help from a State Vocational Rehab Office.

If your condition is like mine, you have not lost much of your capability. Instead, that capability just needs a different environment and pace. SSDI calls this Pace and Persistence, meaning one cannot maintain the pace of work and consistent persistence to do that work compared to a non-injured person. We just need more time and a calmer work environment.

Keep in mind that your skills are likely very transferable to other endeavors. Organizational skills, computer skills, and such are needed in many occupations. They can be the backbone of your qualifications. So, try to get an assessment from Voc Rahab. You will be surprised at how much your skills will crossover.

My best to you.

Just out of pure curiosity, what was your accident?

Thanks Mark. I will contact them in coming months and see what I can do.

I will also talk to my co-workers about finding a place I can work quietly... My office has a wall that's not sound proof at all and it's become difficult to work there.

I think I need to explain t better and bring in some paperwork to prove why I'm having trouble....

I talked about this with my therapist and she's going to help me create a list of skills. I feel impaired in my communication because I'm not as adept a it as I was before, but she told me that I'm the most articulate patent she has; it's helpful for me to have an objective, outside opinion.

Mrsmith - I was in an MVA that was some guy's fault who wasn't paying attention. It's devestated my life and I wish people would not drive so distracted and dangerously.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. But I hope the hormone replacement will help you. Don't give up until you exhaust the possibility that the hormone issues are worsening your symptoms. I remember when my mom's thyroid shut down- she had a horrific brain fog. You would almost think she had a mTBI. So maybe the full year of hormones will alleviate some of that for you. Good luck! You can always plan for a temporary reduced workload and hope for the best (full return).

and you have to look for a new job. I do not know what it is called where you are. But here in Pennsylvania the unemployment office has a "career link" office where they will help hook you into a job where you can work within your ability or put you in touch with an office that will help you train for work you can do in an area that will not be such a burden for you. My sister went through that program. I am sure there is something similar in every state.

Laura, Those are often tied to Vocational Rehab offices. I recommended Voc Rehab many post ago.

excuse me I'm sorry