(Thank you Chemar, for pointing me in the right direction.)

My PCS story-ies are varied, but all equine related.
Like most sport enthusiast, I refuse to give it up. Mine are all flukes really any way.
The last one was a level 4 concussion and I was out about 8 minutes. That was 3 years ago, and until about 1 1/2 years ago, I didn't know much about PCS. I still don't really, nor do most of the Dr.s in my little po-dunk area.
So, the frustration is unbearable sometimes.
The poor memory. Migraines (bad enough all I can do is sit in a dark room and cry). Ear ringing. Sometimes if I get frustrated even a little, its like someone flicks a switch and I get SO angry or SO upset I feel like I'm running wild circles inside, and can't get out.
I still have days where for no reason, I'm so utterly exhausted, my limbs are literally heavy to move. You know that seriously run down feeling when you get really ill? I don't sleep. If I do, its for a few minutes at a time.
A lot of times, I can't make decisions, and it frustrates the hell out of me because my family just think I'm being "flaky" or "silly". Its like I can SEE the answer to what is frustrating me, but I can't get it in to the shape of words.
Does that make sense?
I have days where I don't give a crap about anything. It's not being really depressed so much as I just don't care. Just very flat and dull in the personality that day?
Oh, I DO have days that I am depressed. Most meds make me sick to my stomach, or break out in hives.
I have problems regulating my temperature sometimes, and go through bouts at night where I shiver, or sweat. If I get too cold, my fingers go white from half way down to the finger tips.
Probably loads more I'm not thinking of at the moment.
I am an equestrian and I used to train horses. It sucks because that was SUCH a passion of mine. I never had a horse I was breaking or training hurt me. My accidents were mainly on the ground. A horse swung it's head to look, and I was in the way. Or helping a mare over in a stall that got wedged against a wall (the last "big one"). She jumped up, and threw me jaw first in to a concrete wall. Once I came too, went to a Walk In. They sent me across the street to the ER. Told me to bring the results right back. Plenty of time before we close, they said. Go BACK over to the Walk In.
CLOSED.
SO, BACK over to the ER to talk to someone in radiology. All the radiologist said was, "I can't say anything...but don't go to sleep."
Super.
Next day, I take the results to my family physician.
Hairline fracture to my sinus cavity. Blew 80 % of my left ear drum. And torqued my TMG muscle.
It really wasn't too excruciating from some of the wrecks I've had, but definitely the worse and the one that's most left it's "mark".
I can't train horses any more. Or "break" them. I can't take the risk. And that sucks.
My neurologist says "one more head knock, you'll be in diapers"
The last one was my 6th concussion on paper, so...I guess at 33, I need to take it easier.
I am more careful these days, and am much more aware of how big and how powerful my "co-workers" are now. Careful, but not afraid.
Frustrated, and angry about ...well, I guess where do I fit in now? really.
This is my business and my life.
I used to compete hard, now I just don't have the energy.

Any way...sorry about the ramble.
Just happy I'm "not alone"...when I often feel very much on my own.

~Warm Regards,
Mary
DressageSweetie is online now Report Post Thanks Edit/Delete Message

Hi Mary

as this forum is new, it isnt yet very active, but we do have some very informative archived posts on PCS under useful sites here http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...ad.php?t=19462

Wow.. 6 concussions. I have had 2 concussions in the last year where I felt some of the symptoms that you describe. I am still having problems from the second one which was 6 months ago. Earlier in my life I think I had at least 2 other concussions and didn't realize it since I didn't have symptoms lasting longer than a day. I know what you are going through to some extent, though it sounds like your symptoms are stronger and longer lasting than mine. I know how much it sucks not to be able to do things that you used to do. That is the most frustrating part for me. I am afraid that I will get another one, so I have changed my lifestyle to avoid activities that could cause another concussion. I really don't think I would be able to do my job if I got another one.

Do you feel like you are getting any better since your last one? I would recommend seeing a concussion specialist if you can find one within a reasonable distance. They may be able to help you with at least some of your symptoms.

I am out of time tonight but wanted to say "G'day!".
I'll check in again tomorrow if I can.

Please also check out the TBI and Endocrine Thread that I posted. It's something I was never aware of until a couple of weeks ago when a friend who was going through some tests for symptoms told me about it.

take care,
talk soon.
Lara

Hi Mary,
Just wanted to say I'm a dressage person also so I do understand what you're saying. Luckily I've never had a concussion but did have a gm seizure several years ago while I was riding. Scared the poor mare to death if I can judge how she behaved after I came back to my senses several hours later. I hope you get some relief soon.

pt

Oh the poor mare possumtrot. My stallion wouldn't "approve" my riding him until 3 months after the 6th concussion. They said a MINIMUM of 4 weeks no riding. Well, you know how it is....2 weeks later, went to put my foot in the stirrup....he just casually stepped two to the right and looked at me and sighed. At that point, I was spinning any way. I'd try every few weeks...and he'd do the same. The day I FINALLY got back up...spins SO bad I had to bear hug his neck and eventually slide off. He's one in a million and tolerated it all.

I will hunt up that thread Lara.

Equestrian is a dangerous sport, Chemar. Ironically, most have been stupid things. Horse turning it's head quick my way...WHACK. Picking a young horse's hooves....they get "funny" and do a quick jerk UP...to the head with a horse's hock (knee). I have only had 2 by an actual fall, and considering I rode Cross Country style jumping for 12 years (telephone pole jumps, ditches, banks and water jump types), I'm very lucky.
From what I've "studied" and been told, each one "sticks" longer...and my neurologist (cute that he is...or NOT) says, next one...I'll be in diapers. He may have been being funny, but I'm a hell of a lot more c areful these days. Ironically, I am one of the very FEW in my lifestyle who DO wear a helmet while riding...even for recreation. Unfortunately, the style I ride now, does not insist upon a "helmet" but a top hat...that offers ZERO protection to the head.
Trying to get that changed still.
I know what you mean by not doing the things you love to do....I won't jump any more. As much as I adore breaking (starting) horses, I will not risk it again. At this point...I honestly feel handicapped.
I feel I have days where I am "normal" again....but then get so run down again a few days later. I also am a gym enthusiast. I was studying to be a personal trainer just before the last one. That book is about 6" thick. So forget it after. I have a very hard time retaining material. We have "tests" in the style I ride. Most are about 20 moves or so at my level. My coach is super, and we only learned the first 5 for a while....then added more as we went. The funny thing is, (not really) the tests change EVERY four years. I only road ONE TIME from memory before they changed. It was a GOOD one time though.
I haven't found the right "one" yet. I know I'd have to venture OUT farther from my podunk area...and I don't have insurance yet, so not helpful.
I do take Maxalt for migraines, and Depikote to ward those off.
Still will be too late to save my new marriage though. Which won't help things because...hey, stress adds!