Yesterday was just a very long day and today all I want to do is sleep. Maybe my fatigue has contributed to my emotions right now. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed.

So here's my deal: I'm supposed to be attempting to return to my teaching job starting half time next week. Just 4 hours a day on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Right as I was going to lay down this morning I received a conference call from my principal, my HR lady and my literacy coach to discuss my return plans. I felt a little bit ambushed and totally broke down in tears after the conversation. I was completely overwhelmed by all the details and honesty of my situation. They seem a bit concerned with the accommodations and recommendations from my doctor and I didn't get the impression that they seem positive that I am really ready to return. I'm not sure that I AM ready to return. I was honest with them however and told them that I often don't know my limitations until I test them and that this is a huge trial and error period and we all need to be flexible. If I were in their shoes I would be nervous about me coming back as well. I have light and noise restrictions and we don't know what school environment stimuli might put me into overload. It's one thing to try to anticipate and think about the environmental exposures and then it is a completely different thing to actually BE in the environment.

I am absolutely terrified right now and not sure that I really am ready to go back.



I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard, confusing and scary. If you don't see anything on the MRI's or CT scans, don't give up hope. Brain bumps are real and most times not seen on MRI's etc.

I went back to work and pushed through for weirdly- 2 years. Sadly, it was a constant 'Ground Hog's Day' and I not only never got better, I got worse.

I am not a doctor, but from experience, pushing through in order to not put stress on your family, or to not inconvenience your job, is the wrong avenue to take.

It became harder on my family because I did push through and work and was a zombie at home and a meanie bc I was so overstimulated and my uncharacteristic anger came out on them.

You may have trouble word finding, keeping track of what you're saying as you're saying it, spelling, doing easy math etc. but notice if there are improvements and if it's worse if you're fatigued. Tell all that to your doc and they can help you recover and get back to work.

Rest, patience, and no stress are the only ways to recover. So take inventory of what is a priority and if getting healthy is the main priority, then take some time for you to heal.

Welcome to the 'brain boo boo' club, where we can all heal together!

Welcome Grace.

Thanks Kitt

Thank you very much ilikepolkadots,

What an overwhelming experience all of this can be. The symptoms you mentioned are things I experience plus some, and they're so annoying! It is really irritating that I've been making mistakes when trying to help my second grader with his math! Seriously?!

My symptoms definitely increase when I am fatigued or overstimulated. I missed a whole chunk of what my MIL was saying to me in the midst of a too busy room during Thanksgiving. I saw her mouth moving but my brain was just not processing fast enough to comprehend. It was really disconcerting.

Anyway, since my first freakout post my employer has been very accommodating and I have acknowledged that will not be back in my classroom for a while yet. I am not ready. They are encouraging me to take baby steps in taking on work responsibilities and asking me to be honest about when I'm overwhelmed or I've done too much.

This week I've started working a little from home planning lessons. It's been good for me mentally (for the most) part so far, but also pretty exhausting. I had to admit to my mentor teacher today that I was not going to accomplish all I had set out to do after I hit a wall and my brain definitely was telling me I needed to take a break. That was really difficult to admit but I had to remind myself that even a few weeks ago just thinking about reading my emails was too much!

Forward movement is good, even if it's at a snail's pace.