Thanks Seabass,

I IS a challenge to adapt to the much slower pace this injury has forced me into. I do know that for the sake of all parties involved I do need to be very careful with how I proceed and I guess the uncertainty of it all is very difficult for me to accept.

It is also hard knowing that my income is reliant on leave donations right now and not sure how long I can be floated by my the generosity and abilities of my colleagues. If things dry up, we don't have much in reserves. It's hard to put that "what if" stress aside.

I found out the hard way that the short-term disability insurance I thought I had voluntarily signed up for last year didn't actually go through. I never scrutinized the slew of paycheck deductions and it turns out we didn't have the numbers to enroll.

One of the good things that has come out of this is that my husband is taking a lead on our finances for once and we've drastically adjusted out budget. Who am I kidding? We often talked but never adhered - We actually HAVE a legit budget now!

I am going back to work next week for just two hours Monday and Tuesday to see how I do with behind the scenes type of work. I have promised to be honest with myself if I find I can't even handle that. I don't want to risk delaying my progress but also want to test my limits without pushing too far in the first place. That seems to be a tricky thing to do.

Such a great idea with the muffs Hockey. Was planning to get ear plugs this weekend. Will heck out ear muffs too. EVERY. little. Noise. is so loud to me! My kids are all pretty exuberant and I would hate to kill their joy of being kids because I can't handle it right now.

My kids are used to seeing me wearing sunglasses quite a bit as I can't expect them to enjoy living like vampires like I typically do when they're out of the house. We've had a few candlelit dinners which they thought was novel but probably wouldn't go over well as the new norm...maybe!

I've definitely been learning how to prioritize so that I CAN join in on important family things and I so hear you about learning who's my real friends. That's been an interesting lesson.

Foam ear plugs also work very well. I like the yellow cylinder shaped ear plugs. I twist them tight then insert them and they expand to fill the ear canal. I keep some beside my bed for nights when my wife is snoring.

Yes, there are some good plugs available.

I opted for the muffs because I have damage to my auditory nerve that causes intermittent deafness and sharp stabbing pain in my ears. Just touching the outside of my ear can hurt. The thought of trying to put something inside...

Also, big orange muffs are harder for me to misplace.

I've been reading a fair few threads on here but dont often reply. Because they me me cry, feeling guilt, shame...and relief.

I'm a single mum and I'm really truggling to ope with it all at the moment. I'm in so much pain all the time, so sensitive to noise andight. School runs are torture and not helped by the staff and other parents giving my dirty looks and saying nasty things.

I look like crap, sallow, almost black-bruising eyes and lost weight.I honestly think a lot of them thin I'm a junky. But i just dont have time, energy or inclination to play stupid social games and get them on side. I wrote a letter to the headmaster explaining, hoping this would help...it didnt.

My house is a mess. I just cant tidy properly. I clean so we dont live in dirt/un-hygenic but it leaves me shaking, sick, dizzy. I keep snaping at my 6yo son. Ive told him to **** off. How awful is that??! Its just like the fustration bubbles up and thats all I can feel and its stutters out it swear words. I remove myself fro situation and can them calm down.

After I apologise to him and try to explain: he understands. He says he can see when the crack in my heads bad. He knows swaring is bad and doest do it, he said I didnt used to and knows I dont mean it. He's such a good boy but I hate that he has to be this understanding.

Today he came and gave me a hug and said "Im the only one in the whole universe who cares about you, arent I?"

None of my friends or family have been there, he's right. its so hard. I'm doing the best I can but I know its not good enough. Im behind on work and I just cant handle peoples negativty.

I live in britain and I have tan skin, im a self employed single mother who has benefit help. There is so much hate aimed at people like me: racism, sexism, classim and I used to e able to deal with it. Now it leaves me with dread and fury.

And guilt beceasue I start to think maybe theyre right. Maybe I am scum.

Which is stupid, beuase even injured we are a good family, trying our best.

This has turned into a bit of a whinge, huh? Sorry...

No need to apologise: this is the one place where everybody does get it. Brain injury, even under the best of circumstances, is very, very hard. In your case, you are facing some extra challenges.

You really sound like you could use some practical support. Have you contacted Headway, the UK Brain Injury Association? https://www.headway.org.uk

That could be the start of getting you the help you need and deserve.
Hang in there.

Thank you Hockey.

I was having a bad day yesterday. My son's been off school wih a cold/temp thurs, fri and today though he's well enough to go back tomo.

I think the disruption in routine and stress of dealing with a poorly kid got the better of me. Normally i'll rest for an hour after school run, work a few of hours then rest again before school pick up.

Its amazing how a small boy and a kitten can sound like a herd of elephants!

We've had a nice chat, reminding him to keep noise down, hold lego creations low not in my face, stand in front of my when speaking ect

I get frustrated and worry a lot, but I do know little and often and routine works. Just need this neurology apt to hurry up so I can get a CT scan and, hopefully, some advice.

I'll have a look at your link and see if its viable for me, though I dont like asking for help, or the thought of taking funding that could be better spent on others more needy than I.

Its also a dangerous time to be accepting help if social services get involved. Head injures and their symptoms are all too easy to twist into *crazy!*/phycological issues if someone has an agenda. I think this is why I'm pushing for apts/scans so there is clear evidence...just in case. At the very least they will show the break in my jaw bone: now the swelling has gone down there is a big dent which is plain to see.

All I want is for people to either leave me alone to recover or be positive/understanding.

How are things with you?

Hello Ash,

I read your post and it touched my heart. I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through this injury alone and having to care for a small boy as well. I hope that you can get a good diagnosis and follow-up care soon. It is frustrating beyond belief when you yourself know there is something wrong/ different with you, and you just can't quite explain how or why that is.

I just wanted you to know that most concussions do not show up on either CT scans or MRIs. And some neurologists I have seen didn't even think I had as serious a brain injury as I had, claiming my speech, balance cognitive problems were caused by new meds for pain or psychologically motivated. My neuropsychology testing proved otherwise, and I did 5 months of neurorehab in a specialty clinic.

I hope you will learn, for your sake, to accept other people's help, especially those around you. The body needs quiet rest for recovery and healing to occur. This is definitely not the time to "go it alone" because of how this injury takes so much from you and in so many different ways, some of which you may not even see yourself yet.

It can be hard to trust people who doubt you now, but I have found in my experience they just don't understand the scope of your injury, so the doubt can occur. It may be helpful to bring someone to your doctor appts. so that they can help you take down all the information and maybe that is how they can realize the extent of your injury, too.

Take care, M-i-m

Ash, as I am certainly learning right now, being a mother of 4, a wife and a fledgling teacher who's career is already in such turmoil, you need to try take it easy on yourself. You can only do so much and right now the most important things in your world are healing and being there for your son. All you CAN do is try your best.

I totally get the guilt and shame and so many emotions having a TBI brings up. This has been the most lonely, frustrating and humbling experience in my life. It's a huge comfort to know that we, in fact, are not alone.

While it can be difficult to block out those who are negative influences on your well being, whether an acquaintance or supposed dear friend, you have to try. You don't need that in your life. I too, hate the sidelong glances or looks of pity or strange looks from lack of understanding.

I hate being disappointed by those I had expected would be a support and have failed me so far. Sorry to sound crass, but screw them though. No one matters if they're not there to support you in some way.

I agree with Music-in-me to be sure to accept any help that IS offered. I've been learning to swallow my pride and accept help which is extremely difficult for me. I am used to being fiercely independent. Learning and accepting my new limitations is an enormous challenge.

A neighbor dropped off a box of donated food from their church yesterday and boy, was I a mix of emotions. I don't like being seen as a charity case. "That's not me! There are others worse off!" I can't help but think. The reality of it is though that my health, my career and my family's future is uncertain and the help IS needed and appreciated. It's tough to swallow.

All of it is tough but I feel hopeful though that together we can celebrate our baby steps of progress. Any forward movement is than none, right?

Thnaks mim and sweetc, I hope you two are getting help you need and not duffering too much. did you go back to work, how are you finding it?

Im starting to suspect my insistence on finshing projects may have delayed healing.

I know im trying my best, and we've only been late for school a couple of times...so thats good. My sons school has afast track prosecution odel and im so scared that if i'm late or too il in the morning im going to be fined thousands of £ or sent to prison. I've muddled up a lot of stuff with my benefits and had a hammering from balifs on my dorr for cuncil tax th other day. Scared to go up there and sort it out because theyre so horrible and will demand evidence i dont have.

I shouldnt be paying it as we dont have an income but they have conflated my study time with my work time fo my small buisness/self employed and have timesd the hours by minimum wage...even tho thats not applicable to my profession.

Things like this i find difficult to cope with, it takes alll y energy to provide routine for my son.

It is frustrating when you have to ut off those who aren helpful but also need support. I have been asking my mum to have my son a few sats but then she expects me to do favours for her and refuses to talk about the inury or what my sister said happened, i need to know so i can tell drs. She didnt even believe me about how hard/where id been hit as my sister just said the door gently bumped my shoulder, that she didnt slam it or see me. Lies.

I must be getting angry/swearing when i get frustrated with her because she just says im a horrible, disgusting b***ch who deserves what happened. None of my nice friends live near me, or the one that does cant rally get here and has her own little one. And shes very loud talkier lol.

I'll have a think about headway and mebe give them a call. What did you mean, sweetc, about IS?