I completely understand having just enough energy to keep routine with a young child.
That alone is a lot. Bring in all the other factors of sustaining a household, maintaining that household, social aspects, medical, remembering if I did that or did I remember to do this, even with lists. Did I talk to this or that person correctly. Geez.

I have learned the past few weeks that 30 mins of nothing, mid day helps immensely. I habe been getting this break like 2 days a week. My late evening time with my family is less taxing on me and them since I am not in overwhelmed, overstimulated mode. I find just the night time routine (teeth, , clean up, getting ready for the next day) after a regular day leaves me incredibly tired, bitchy and just plain done with the day.

Hey Ash, I was just emphasizing that the help really is needed and I need to get over myself and just accept it.

I haven't worked since September 22nd. My employer and I just developed a plan to have me start trying to assume some behind the scenes responsibilities this next week. I'm a teacher and definitely can't be in the classroom yet due to being easily overloaded so we're starting off small and seeing how I do with "just" planning lessons from home this week.

Hi SweetC,

New here as well and I can totally relate to the feeling like a deficient mom syndrome. My kids are 13 & 17, so they sortof get it, but I have never felt so irritable prior to this. I was very uninformed about concussions too.
Good luck with the return to work- glad you can ease back in.
Grace

Yesterday was just a very long day and today all I want to do is sleep. Maybe my fatigue has contributed to my emotions right now. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed.

So here's my deal: I'm supposed to be attempting to return to my teaching job starting half time next week. Just 4 hours a day on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Right as I was going to lay down this morning I received a conference call from my principal, my HR lady and my literacy coach to discuss my return plans. I felt a little bit ambushed and totally broke down in tears after the conversation. I was completely overwhelmed by all the details and honesty of my situation. They seem a bit concerned with the accommodations and recommendations from my doctor and I didn't get the impression that they seem positive that I am really ready to return. I'm not sure that I AM ready to return. I was honest with them however and told them that I often don't know my limitations until I test them and that this is a huge trial and error period and we all need to be flexible. If I were in their shoes I would be nervous about me coming back as well. I have light and noise restrictions and we don't know what school environment stimuli might put me into overload. It's one thing to try to anticipate and think about the environmental exposures and then it is a completely different thing to actually BE in the environment.

I am absolutely terrified right now and not sure that I really am ready to go back.



I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard, confusing and scary. If you don't see anything on the MRI's or CT scans, don't give up hope. Brain bumps are real and most times not seen on MRI's etc.

I went back to work and pushed through for weirdly- 2 years. Sadly, it was a constant 'Ground Hog's Day' and I not only never got better, I got worse.

I am not a doctor, but from experience, pushing through in order to not put stress on your family, or to not inconvenience your job, is the wrong avenue to take.

It became harder on my family because I did push through and work and was a zombie at home and a meanie bc I was so overstimulated and my uncharacteristic anger came out on them.

You may have trouble word finding, keeping track of what you're saying as you're saying it, spelling, doing easy math etc. but notice if there are improvements and if it's worse if you're fatigued. Tell all that to your doc and they can help you recover and get back to work.

Rest, patience, and no stress are the only ways to recover. So take inventory of what is a priority and if getting healthy is the main priority, then take some time for you to heal.

Welcome to the 'brain boo boo' club, where we can all heal together!

Welcome Grace.

Thanks Kitt

Thank you very much ilikepolkadots,

What an overwhelming experience all of this can be. The symptoms you mentioned are things I experience plus some, and they're so annoying! It is really irritating that I've been making mistakes when trying to help my second grader with his math! Seriously?!

My symptoms definitely increase when I am fatigued or overstimulated. I missed a whole chunk of what my MIL was saying to me in the midst of a too busy room during Thanksgiving. I saw her mouth moving but my brain was just not processing fast enough to comprehend. It was really disconcerting.

Anyway, since my first freakout post my employer has been very accommodating and I have acknowledged that will not be back in my classroom for a while yet. I am not ready. They are encouraging me to take baby steps in taking on work responsibilities and asking me to be honest about when I'm overwhelmed or I've done too much.

This week I've started working a little from home planning lessons. It's been good for me mentally (for the most) part so far, but also pretty exhausting. I had to admit to my mentor teacher today that I was not going to accomplish all I had set out to do after I hit a wall and my brain definitely was telling me I needed to take a break. That was really difficult to admit but I had to remind myself that even a few weeks ago just thinking about reading my emails was too much!

Forward movement is good, even if it's at a snail's pace.

Welcome and thank you Grace,

Man, I have never experienced the lack of impulse control when getting so irritated with things. If I'm way overspent(usually in the evenings) my poor family sees me at my worst and then I feel so godawfully worse about everything.

I'm learning to just excuse myself to my room much earlier when I feel I'm approaching my breaking point so I don't do anything dumb like throw a book or plastic bowl across the room. (Not at a kid!... Or my husband!)

Sweetc,

Good for you. It takes effort to excuse yourself. One way to help with these outbursts is to understand they are not coming out of the true person. They are a response of the injury/condition. When we can separate the action from who we are, we can learn better control.

I had to learn that I do not have a right to outbursts no matter how justified I may feel they are.

My best to you.

Of all the symptoms I've endured since my MVA, the lack of emotional control is, hands down, the worst - because it is the one that most hurts other people.

A couple things that can help to get a handle on this are learning to recognize triggers and developing "rebooting" strategies.

Sometimes, admittedly, I can fly of the handle for no apparent reason. However, in other instances, there are definite sparks.

I think most of us realize that we are vulnerable when we're tired and/or overstimulated. Additionally, I have discovered there are a number of other things that can set me off.

I can't cope with being rushed. To avoid this, as much as possible, I plan ahead for things I have to do. I find it helps if I make a schedule: eat at 8am, brush teeth at 8:15, leave food for cat 8:20, pack car 8:25, etc...

This seems to help me avoid a number of TBI behaviours, including procrastinating, anxiety over the notion I might forget something, actually forgetting something, losing track of time, etc...

I also budget way more time than might seem necessary, because, if I'm interrupted in a task, I generally can't resume it in the middle, and have to start it all over again.

That brings me to my big, big trigger: interference. Left to my own devices, I can get through things pretty calmly. It's people interrupting me, even when they think they are being helpful, that can set me on the slippery slope to an atomic TBI meltdown.

Getting out of the house, with my dawdling daughter, has been the trigger for some of my worst outbursts.

I agree 100% with Mark, that we do not have a right to this sort of behaviour. I do, however, wish that my family would "play fair" with me.

My neuro-psychologist explained to my husband, at some length, that I had significant frontal lobe injuries, and that the family needed to help me control my behaviour by moderating theirs.

For example, don't interrupt me when I'm working. It takes a lot of mental energy for me to stay on task. As I have trouble seeing patterns, my brain no longer seems to process a project, like cooking a meal, as a series of individual activities, in sequence, but as a giant whole.

If I'm interrupted, I will lose the thread and almost certainly have to start all over. That is very frustrating - especially if it's done repeatedly.

The doctor warned my family not to engage me in decision making when I'm tired. If they do, I might be inclined to adopt a ridiculous position. The more they point that out, as my brain get stuck in ruts, the more deeply I will dig in.

The specialist told my husband that, rather than argue, if he asks my opinion, and he gets a seemingly irrational and/or uncharacteristic response, drop the subject. Ask again is a day or two, and he will probably get a more reasoned reply.

All of that sounds like good advice. Sadly, my family can't follow it.

My daughter is a child, so allowances must be made. However, as she's entered the tween drama stage, I have, at times, felt that she was trying deliberately to provoke me.

I have explained to her that, while her behaviour was suboptimal, my response was over the top. I told her that, while I understand that a certain amount of rebellion and attitude is natural at her age, it's just another thing TBI mom can't handle appropriately.

I do not like to yell at her. I don't want her to learn that it's acceptable for anyone to lose control. If we can't find a way to coexist peacefully, for her sake, we might have to consider boarding school. Yes, it can be that awful.

My husband is, frankly, impossible. Let me say, at the outset, that he is not a bad person. It's just that his professional training mitigates against his being able to accept the impact of TBI. He has said, quite plainly, that he thinks I should be able to use my still considerable IQ to reason my way past my symptoms. He thinks I'm choosing to be weak willed and indulgent. ugh

He expresses this belief by doing pretty much everything the neuro-psychologist told him not to. For example, when I try to walk away from a situation, he won't let me. He will follow me, continuing to argue, based on his belief that I'm trying to "win" by avoiding a subject.

Not giving me space to decompress leads, just as the specialist warned, to my getting stuck in a thought rut. sigh...

So, absent support from my partner, I have had to devise ways to try and control my emotions.

Distraction can be helpful. I leave crossword and circle a word puzzles all over the house. When I feel myself getting upset or dug in, I start doing one. Changing tasks, seems to reboot my brain and get me off the emotional steamroller. Even shuffling a deck of cards or peeling a carrot can help.

In this instance, I'm using a deficit - my difficulty thinking about more than one thing at a time - as a coping tool. Formulating the next nasty thing to yell at somebody is more difficult than engaging in a simple, familiar, repetitive task, like peeling a vegetable. Given two options, my brain seems to default to the easier one. This gives me an opportunity to calm myself.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. As I said at the beginning, the TBI emotional issues are the ones that most trouble me. Old me was kind and calm. I HATE myself for the "mommy monster" moments. I really think that only other TBI patients can understand the anguish.