[Lawyer1732]

So I believe when I last posted I had been in the ER and had a bad reaction to Compazine. Oh, and I was asking if anyone was aware of any sources discussing why I can write out thoughts buts can't verbalize them...

For those new-- Lawyer, hit by semi-truck on 10/8/14 while going to meeting. Dazed, confused, shortness of breath, immediate back pain followed by neck stiffness, right arm weakness and one whopper of a headache. But I was fortunate to walk away.

But no concussion protocol done at ER. So my wife and I and PCP had no idea I'd been injured. Within a week, mood and personality changes began to affect marriage. 3 weeks post-accident I realized something was wrong and sought psychotherapy. It takes another like 5 weeks before I realize I've been in a fog and have lost memory of past 2 months. So my psychologist diagnoses PCS.

I went to a very-well respected neurologist who is buddies w a doctor friend of mine. But he doesn't specialize in mTBI. He sends me to a neuropsych for an eval and would you believe I got in on a cancelation in less than a week?!

I get the eval done. Now, on my law school entrance exams I scored high enough for membership in MENSA. And the eval shows a pure intellect IQ which again would qualify me for MENSA... But that doesn't account for my working memory, concentration, and "attentional process" which were all tested as impaired. So that now drops my IQ and it also is EXACTLY what I was explaining was my problem with work.

The neuropsych diagnosis-- mTBI, cognitive disorder, persistent PCS. He recommends speech and cognitive therapy, a psychiatrist for the anxiety and depression, and a slow return to work but says he thinks I have the potential of a full recovery with therapy and a careful transition.

But my Neuro has other ideas. This whole time he has been thinking possible "frontotemporal dementia" and/or encephalitis. These are his first thoughts for a 36 yo lawyer who has no history of major illness and was at the top of his game career-wise until right after getting hit by a semi-truck, that is...I just got chosen as a "Super Lawyer Rising Star" for the 2nd year in a row.... I mean, cmon

So he finally admits he really has no answers. I have wasted 2 months of my life hoping and praying that he would figure it out.

But it was just like the author of "Brainlashed!" He says to me-- Hey, you still have "superior intellect" so just get that anxiety and depression under control and you'll be fine...

But I'm not fine. My memory is, at best, "average" now. But even then the testing showed impaired recall of memory. I hardly cracked a book or took notes in law school. Now, hey-- my friend, forget about it-- you are average and average ain't bad!

My wife is doing her best to be supportive but she is going through her own struggles not knowing who she is going to wake up to each day... Will I sleep all day? Stare at the wall? Take dinner in the bedroom by myself? Or will I have a conversation with her over coffee/juice? Be able to go to the grocery store with her and my daughters? Or watch a movie wight them?

And I am feeling very trapped inside myself and alone. I have heard of mTBI support groups that meet... How do I find out about that? I love reading your words of encouragement but I could use some interaction with people that understand.

Oh, and I am being terminated from my job. I asked to meet aight them, more than once... Kept them updated. Asked for us to work out a plan to return part-time and transition back to work. Silence from them. Until I got a single e-mail on Friday the 13th telling me if I wS not back at work full time by March 6 full time, I am terminated.... They hired my replacement the day before.

(I know... The ADA and other stuff, but we'll see how that works out....)

So I am discouraged. But I can't throw in the towel. I have a wife and two beautiful daughters to support. And they are worth the fight.

I have some ideas. I am still working on things. But what I do know is that I can't just wait to get better. The neuropsych I want to believe is right.

I read the warnings on other posts about finding the right neurologist. For the newbies, PLEASE don't ignore that. And every day is different. But it helps if you can condition yourself to expect the bad days and then celebrate the little accomplishments on those days.

For everyone else, I am open for encouragement and advice. I cant say I will take all the advice because my options are somewhat limited, but I still want to hear it. And if anyone knows where I can find out about the mTBI support groups locally, I sure do want to know.

Thanks...

[Concussed Scientist]

Why not start a local support group? I was also looking for local support.

My situation is somewhat different because I live in the UK but I found that the support that is offered by charities tends to concentrate, quite understandably, on those who have brain injuries which give them problems with mobility, speech or independence, rather than mTBI which at first glance is not as noticeable to the casual observer. The charities suggested that I should start up such a group and apparently there would be sufficient interest in my local area. I did not do so in the end because I thought that it would be too draining on my very limited energy supply.

However, if your condition is such that you have sufficient energy to do it, I bet that there are sufficient numbers in your locality to start a support group.

Good luck. CS

[Estreetfan]

I am 3 years post MVA . I had the same problem - not being able to verbalize my thoughts but could write them down - I would take written lists of my symptoms to every appt and some days I could not even read them off - I'd just hand the list over to whoever i was seeing that day. This took 2 years to resolve (please don't get depressed over that!) But it did get much better and now I can communicate verbally even when I am suffering from a flare up of symptoms.

My occupational therapist explained alot of the PCS symptoms and how best to cope with them. That also might be a good source for finding a good support group if you don't have a local brain injury association.

[Dizzy_teacher]

Hi Lawyer,

I am sorry to hear that you have been given such an ultimatum from your workplace. I have also been given one and I understand how disheartened you must feel especially as you have the added pressure of a family to support. I have until 13th April to be back in and although initially I was confident that I'd be better by then (this was at 5 weeks into injury) I am now not so sure. We would all have been back after the shock of the accident wore off if we could have!

If you don't mind me asking, were they neurologists and psychologists you saw private or through insurance companies? I don't know how it's done over there but the nhs takes months to be seen and the insurance company appointments I've had are so wrapped up in disproving your case that the doctors are not patient and slow enough with their questions and I get all in a muddle and then overwhelmed. I used to be so on the ball all the time that I sympathise with your frustrations at your new found difficulties.

Have you ever thought to yourself- fine I'll just go in when the ultimatum hits and then I'll be fine. Even though you know you'll be no use to anyone when you're actually there. This always hits me on the "good brain days" as you put it.

I think it's great you are thinking of starting up a local support group. I so wish I knew someone else in the area that was suffering from the same thing and who I could sympathies and share stories with. Really rewarding thing to do!

One last thing- have you been given any indication how long it will actually take for you to get well?

Originally Posted by Lawyer1732

So I believe when I last posted I had been in the ER and had a bad reaction to Compazine. Oh, and I was asking if anyone was aware of any sources discussing why I can write out thoughts buts can't verbalize them...

For those new-- Lawyer, hit by semi-truck on 10/8/14 while going to meeting. Dazed, confused, shortness of breath, immediate back pain followed by neck stiffness, right arm weakness and one whopper of a headache. But I was fortunate to walk away.

But no concussion protocol done at ER. So my wife and I and PCP had no idea I'd been injured. Within a week, mood and personality changes began to affect marriage. 3 weeks post-accident I realized something was wrong and sought psychotherapy. It takes another like 5 weeks before I realize I've been in a fog and have lost memory of past 2 months. So my psychologist diagnoses PCS.

I went to a very-well respected neurologist who is buddies w a doctor friend of mine. But he doesn't specialize in mTBI. He sends me to a neuropsych for an eval and would you believe I got in on a cancelation in less than a week?!

I get the eval done. Now, on my law school entrance exams I scored high enough for membership in MENSA. And the eval shows a pure intellect IQ which again would qualify me for MENSA... But that doesn't account for my working memory, concentration, and "attentional process" which were all tested as impaired. So that now drops my IQ and it also is EXACTLY what I was explaining was my problem with work.

The neuropsych diagnosis-- mTBI, cognitive disorder, persistent PCS. He recommends speech and cognitive therapy, a psychiatrist for the anxiety and depression, and a slow return to work but says he thinks I have the potential of a full recovery with therapy and a careful transition.

But my Neuro has other ideas. This whole time he has been thinking possible "frontotemporal dementia" and/or encephalitis. These are his first thoughts for a 36 yo lawyer who has no history of major illness and was at the top of his game career-wise until right after getting hit by a semi-truck, that is...I just got chosen as a "Super Lawyer Rising Star" for the 2nd year in a row.... I mean, cmon

So he finally admits he really has no answers. I have wasted 2 months of my life hoping and praying that he would figure it out.

But it was just like the author of "Brainlashed!" He says to me-- Hey, you still have "superior intellect" so just get that anxiety and depression under control and you'll be fine...

But I'm not fine. My memory is, at best, "average" now. But even then the testing showed impaired recall of memory. I hardly cracked a book or took notes in law school. Now, hey-- my friend, forget about it-- you are average and average ain't bad!

My wife is doing her best to be supportive but she is going through her own struggles not knowing who she is going to wake up to each day... Will I sleep all day? Stare at the wall? Take dinner in the bedroom by myself? Or will I have a conversation with her over coffee/juice? Be able to go to the grocery store with her and my daughters? Or watch a movie wight them?

And I am feeling very trapped inside myself and alone. I have heard of mTBI support groups that meet... How do I find out about that? I love reading your words of encouragement but I could use some interaction with people that understand.

Oh, and I am being terminated from my job. I asked to meet aight them, more than once... Kept them updated. Asked for us to work out a plan to return part-time and transition back to work. Silence from them. Until I got a single e-mail on Friday the 13th telling me if I wS not back at work full time by March 6 full time, I am terminated.... They hired my replacement the day before

Thanks...

[Mark in Idaho]

Dizzy teacher,

You said, "One last thing- have you been given any indication how long it will actually take for you to get well?"

Any medical professional who tries to suggest a recovery timeline has no true understanding of PCS and recovery from concussion. 85% will recover spontaneously in the first 6 weeks. The rest of us can take months to years. There is no way to predict/prognose a timeline.


Lawyer,

If you have retained your high intellect but lost memory functions, you can still perform at a high level. You just need to learn memory work-arounds and other systems. You may not be able to perform verbally without a written script but that does not mean you can not use your intellect to do amazing things.

Check out your state Brain Injury Association affiliate for support groups. Start with www.BIAUSA.org . At the top is a link to "Find BIA in your state"

Does the Neuro Psych have any recommendations for you ? Neuros, therapists, etc ?

To all,

It makes the thread much easier to follow if replies are done using the "Post Reply" button at the bottom left. The Reply button at the bottom right quotes the entire post adding more that has to be scrolled through to see the other posts.

[Bud]

Lawyer,

Hang in there! This is the toughest thing I have ever faced in my life bar none!

Things are turning around after 10.5 months.

My advice on the home front is sometimes you have to make yourself smile and sit with your wife when you don't feel like it....maybe quietly or watch the movie with earplugs. I sort of looked at it like a chore at work I didn't want to do yet had to, I wouldn't walk away from that so I figured ways to engage her. I would have to get up and go to the bedroom for a few minutes during a movie or basketball game on tv to get some quiet and recenter myself. It was real difficult for several months to sit still due to anxiety but I would go over to my wife's chair and rub her hair or something for a couple of minutes to let her know I was engaged as best as I could.

Not trying to tell you what to do...just to let you know that I found ways to be creative within the boundaries I needed and to stretch the boundaries I thought I could in order to communicate in some fashion with my wife.

I am at 11.5 months now and doing better. I can still be fragile about noise, still can't run and anxiety does rise very easily but t is settling down enough to enjoy sitting still again at times and be back to work. I am still somewhat limited as I can lose it pretty easily but I just have to stop and settle down before proceeding and I am able to proceed usually.

It took me awhile to get to the point where I realized I could relearn how to go about life and that I needed to, but I have no doubt you will figure ways to make things work. I have also found I am flat out having to relearn some things or not be embarrassed to ask my mechanic what you call a part that I have been around for most of my life.

I have found God to be a really big help with ideas and courage.

You can do this...it does seem weird at times that what was natural now needs to be looked at creatively much like a problem at work but you can!

Good luck and Godspeed, Bud

[Lawyer1732]

Thanks everyone for the replies!!

Dizzy-- they were through private insurance. But the neurologist was the biggest slap in the face because he is a friend of another doctor friend of mine. But then again my surprise might be misplaced--he makes a good part of his living by being hired by lawyers like the one I USED to be and always paid to testify the person was not injured by my client's negligence. Oh well, the more I think about what he told me the less angry and more amused I get at its absurdity...

I saw a psychiatrist today. She was baffled by the neurologist. She hopped up on a well-deserved soapbox and went off on what most of us on this forum already know-- PCS and mTBI is not identifiable by an MRI. She pointed out she could biopsy my brain and wouldn't find a thing but it didn't make the TBI and PCS any less real. So my PSYCHIATRIST said psychiatry and drugs can help me but are not the answer-- that I need treatment for my brain injury for actual recovery.

I have been learning through this that help and support come from the most unexpected places.

To answer the question about the neuropsych, he said its up to the neurologist to oversee the treatment. But I may go back to him anyway if nothing else pans out. I'll call Carrick here in Dallas again too.

I can't go back to work. When the neuropsych said I'm unfit to work as a lawyer, it seems it would be unethical to return to work over an ultimatum like the one they gave me. If I lose my job, I lose my job. But I won't risk losing my license or hurting someone because of my cognitive problems.

Finally, it's more than just memory. The parts of my brain that are impaired below the general population are the attentional, focus, & expressive speech. Test after test I could perform perfectly for the first 60-70% and the my accuracy just tanked at the end. I drift off, freeze up, miss things, make mistakes... But I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

And right or wrong, the neuropsych did give me a timeline-- he said if I got the needed one-on-one therapy and made a careful transition back to work that I could expect to be back full-time in less than 6 months. Of course, that's speech and concentration problems. He didn't say anything about memory because I meet the population average. And my hypersensitivity he said could take a year before we'll know if it will recover.

Every day is a new day. There are good days and bad. But I have my faith and family and this forum. I wish I could remember to check it more often. But if anyone wants to talk more, message me and you can have my email address... I still can't break the habit of obsessively checking that every 10 minutes.

Thanks again guys!

[Mark in Idaho]

You might want to check with Dr Walker at http://www.neurotherapydallas.com/

[Lawyer1732]

Mark,

Thank you so much!!! Another great looking option means I just have that much more hope to rest upon!

You are awesome man!