[RidingRollerCoaster]

Hello There

I've been browsing this forum from time to time since my mTBI in March of 2014. I never joined because I try to limit computer use, but here I am!

I was hit hard on top of my head by a heavy, metal farm tool. Was unconscious for a bit, but MRIs and Cat Scans were all clear. I've had PCS ever since - going on 1 year now. I'm a 33 year old female. Trying to stay positive!

I wanted to write this just as a reflection on the last year, and to share with others what has helped me. I know this is a long post, so sorry if it is too much. Please share your thoughts / suggestions with me if you would like to. I do have a couple specific questions I will ask in another post.

My best to all of you and thank you so much for your strength. Keep on chugging!


My Initial Symptoms:
- extreme anxiety/paranoia/panic - sometimes I felt like the nerves in my entire body were worms crawling around (crazy!)

- uncontrollable crying - everyday

- extreme dizziness and exhaustion

- intense brain fog

- vision problems - it was as if my glasses prescription was wrong, making everything look weird

- balance problems

- vision static/snow - like static on an old tv

- ear pressure/pain, ear equalizing sensation

- very loud tinnitus that never goes away

- headaches starting from neck

- neck pain

- excelerated heart rate for no reason

- intense feeling of blood pumping in head

- feeling like can't get enough air into lungs

- food did not taste right - lack of appetite, weight loss

- intense sensations in back/bottom of head - like my brain was swirling around (hard to explain)

- eyes rolling around in head when closed

- light, noise, motion sensitivity

- intolerance to heat, cold, bumps, bouncing, nodding head

- anisicoria

- insomnia

- extreme nightmares

- depression

- uncontrollable negative and compulsive thoughts, suicide ideation

- couldn't concentrate, do math, listen to long conversations, read, look at computer, talk on phone very long, etc...


What I've done and Milestones:
- After 1st month: Saw a psychologist for the anxiety; they started my on Celexa after the 1st month - I think this helped with the anxiety, but did not touch the crying or depression. I hope to get off of this med. this spring, as I usually do not like to take pills.

- 2nd month: Manual therapy from a PT (basically kind of like massage therapy); this helped a great deal to relieve some of the anxiety; I literally felt it lift from my body. I also found guided meditations from the UCLA meditation website (I was never into meditation before, but I think this partly saved my life).

Also saw a neuro opthalmalogist for the anisicoria and vision problems, but he found nothing structurally wrong and did not recommend prisms.

- 3rd month: I could actually leave the dark room more, was doing some more PT exercises.

- 4th month: For better or worse, decided to go back to work half-time. Looking back, this was a mistake, but what did I know? I think it did help to further relieve some of my anxiety and depression issues, as it helped to return to some sense of normalcy.

- 6th month: Started vestibular therapy for dizziness; Started manual lymph drainage therapy - these both helped a lot - they relieved some of my dizziness, balance issues, vision issues, and exhaustion (I recommend manual lymph drainage - it supposedly helps relieve inflammation in the body)

- 7th month: Tried cranial sacral therapy but felt no real benefit from it besides relaxation; Did some dry needling with PT for my neck pain & this helped a lot and stopped a lot of my headaches (it released the trigger points)

- 8th & 9th months: While I had felt a lot of improvement up to this point, the dizziness, exhaustion and depression were still hanging on. I began to wonder if work was holding me back (I have a pretty demanding job). I would come home from work and just be a big ball of stress, anxiety and concussion symptoms and then would not be able to relax.

- 10th month: Took a two week break from work - after this I felt a lot of the depression lift from my body along with some more of the dizziness and exhaustion. I then went back to work and started to regress from this improvement. It became obvious to me that I needed to stop working again.

Also started low-frequency neurofeedback therapy. I have yet to determine if this is helping me.

- 11th month: I am fortunate in a way to have been injured on the job, so I was able to claim a "failed trial return to work" with workman's comp. and am now on full medical leave again. I am so much more relaxed and able to focus on healing now - I can now think positively about this injury and can look forward rather than backward.


Persisting Problems:
- fatigue: I need a break every couple hours no matter what I am doing; don't feel good unless sleep 10 hours a night

- dizziness / lightheadedness / & brain sensitivity: The dizziness is not spinning, but it is more like a general off-balance and lightheadedness feeling that is always present and seems to get worse when I do more physical activity. The brain sensitivity is a sensation that I cannot really tolerate much bouncing like if I were to try and go jogging (something I used to love to do)

- vestibular balance and vision problems: the vestibular therapy helped a lot with this, but some of it is still present

- vision static / snow: it is less intense, but still around

- tinnitus: this never changes

- back/bottom of head and neck are sore and sometimes painful

- occasional dull headache from neck up right side

- anisicoria

- occasional heart rate and blood pumping in head irregularities

- slight sensitivity to light, noise, heat and cold

- sometimes the insomnia comes back

- having some slight trouble with memory, concentration, learning new things; still have some trouble with ruminating and racing thoughts


Positives

- I can now be outside and enjoy nature (I am a nature lover)

- I can take my dog for long walks without being overwhelmed

- I can now go out to dinner in a crowded restaurant as long as it is not too loud

- I can experience joy again / am not crying all the time and am not riddled with anxiety

- I can watch tv and use the computer

- I can do some physical activity without getting too dizzy

- I can think of my injury and recovery positively rather than only negative and doom and gloom

- I can ride in a car for quite a while

- I have finally fully accepted what I am going through and that full recovery and happiness does not necessarily mean getting back to the exact person you were before the accident. Life = change, and this was just one of those changes (even though it may have happened to suddenly and traumatically.

- I have finally accepted that I may not be able to work a super-demanding job anymore, that I need to really take the time to relax and reduce stress.

- I can say that I know I will continue to improve from this injury, even if it is at a crawling pace.