Hello,

I've been doing extremely well in the intervening month or so since my last post. I've been trying to avoid this website, as I noticed reading it regularly fuels my anxiety and makes me more likely to 'micro-manage' my symptoms.

Well, in short I was doing really well. I was able to write without hindrance, and felt well enough to begin searching for a job. I was looking forward to the Fall semester.

Then, just this Saturday we threw a party at my house. Just some neighbors & friends stopped by after a horseback riding competition, which I had helped judge earlier in the day.

When my friend was leaving, she went to hug me. Her arm reached up and her fingers hit me on the top of my ear/part of my head. It wasn't that hard, though in remembrance I believe I recall it as being more forceful than it actually was. My first thought after impact was, "Was that a new concussion?"
Immediately anxiety set in. I find I cannot differentiate between the wreckages/inflictions of anxiety and the symptoms of a TBI. It feels like my anxiety is some sort of autonomic response, so deeply ingrained that, once it gets going, I'm merely its prop.

My friend knows about my problems with anxiety/TBI fears, and evidently she didn't think the hit hard enough to even warrant comment or apology.

I took some painkillers I had left over from a surgery and they seemed to eradicate much of my anxiety/symptoms. But, if it was a new TBI, they would work in much the same way- they would get rid of the symptoms, right?

Is it possible that this hit caused a new concussion? It was an accidental tap to my head. Realistically it was probably <10 g in force, probably under 5. But I cannot beat my anxiety. My mom had been helping me. She told me, "In your heart you know it's not a concussion." I think she's right. Today she's at work, I'm at home alone, and have descended into a living hell.

I have not been able to find a doctor accepting new patients, so have been working at my anxiety on my own. I find I'm fine, so long as people don't tap my head.

Was this a new concussion? Or did it just cause a relapse of symptoms?