Hi all! I hit my head in April, it was a mild concussion. I felt better after about 10 days and drank very heavily. I was living in a new city by myself so it was the only social activity I thought I could seek out. I then felt very lost, foggy, and like my brain was torn apart for maybe 3 weeks while slowly recovering. After that I thought I had almost fully recovered and I drank another beer and felt miserable again. I repeated this cycle twice more. Each time after consuming alcohol (not bingeing, I drank maybe 1-2 beers) I felt like a 1000 times worse than I did when I initially hit my head. I felt better again after about 4 weeks after this last drink of booze, and again drank maybe half a corona in mid July 2015. That was the biggest mistake of my young life.

I constantly feel like I can't construct a single thought. It feels impossible to connect with anyone. I can't look anyone in the eye, not even close friends and family because I can't mentally picture my own mind. It's absolute hell. Its been about 6 months now since the initial hit, and almost two months since the last time I drank. My symptoms haven't gotten better. I know to a large extent I brought this upon myself, but really need some hope. It's so overwhelming everyday to just think about the recovery process, and how far away I feel from the person I used to be.

I've been to two neurologists. My MRI and EKG are all normal. Both think I am fine or will be fine with time. But, this just doesn't seem to get better. I am taking unpaid leave from work and staying at my mom's house. I thought I would stay here till I felt clearer, but its been a whole month with no improvement. To be more clear, the only big problem is that the moment I try to structure a thought or think to myself I begin feeling an impossible pressure in my head that doesn't allow me to access my thinking. Maybe this is depersonalization, I'm not sure.

hermanator90,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Many with PCS develop a severe sensitivity to alcohol. Maybe your brain needs some help detoxifying. I suggest you read the vitamins sticky at the top and get started on a brain focused vitamin regimen.

If you live near a Rehabilitation Clinic or Hospital, getting assessed there may be helpful. They could direct you to a therapist to help you with thinking struggles.

Hermanator,

I am somewhat in the same boat as you. I got a concussion in March, it was my senior year of college and struggled not being able to be social or drink until graduation. It took me about 3 months to start feeling better and that was when I had removed myself from a stressful and worrisome environment (college). I began to drink again and go full speed 100% back into my old activities and my symptoms returned. The best advice I can give is to accept that this can take a long time to recover and that stressing or worrying about it just makes it much worse. Take care of yourself and let your body heal

I don't drink, but have the exact same experience with caffeine. A literal teaspoon drop of coffee makes me completely nuts, and it usually takes a day or two to recover. I guess our brains are just so sensitive to toxins or stimulants of any sort that even small amounts of this stuff can turn life upside down for awhile. Oddly enough, there are actually a couple of supplements that I've tried that have done the exact same thing to me, including 5 HTP and St. John's Wort. Both make me feel like it's about time to check into the psycho ward. And like most people on here, before my accident I could drink up to 4 cups of coffee in the morning and more caffeine at night and feel totally fine.

Hang in there man. I'm in about the same boat as you are and was a Spring of 2015 injury. I find that actually getting out there and doing stuff in moderation is way better than being at home worrying about the symptoms and the injury. Unless I'm talking to my immediate family, most people's faces have an unreal almost one-dimensional Gustav Klimpt quality to them that is alternately terrifying, and if you let it be, rather funny.

Thanks Mark, Nick, and Seth. I really appreciate the responses.

The one thing I did want to ask you all was that after about 2 weeks of resting back in October, I had a day of immense clarity. I could think thoughts that felt like they were fully mine. I could look people in the eye and smile. But, the moment I started up a conversation with a friend, everything became fogged up within 10 mins. It felt like my brain wasn't ready to handle the load of these pathways that I had created. Has anyone experienced that as well?

Mark, I will definitely look into the vitamins note you mentioned. I am currently taking B1, fish oil, riboflavin, magnesium, and valerean root (to sleep).

Nick - did you eventually begin to heal? Are things better now?

Seth - thanks man! Sometimes some humor really just strengthens the spirits. Appreciate it, and plan on getting out more.

hermanator90,

First, don't try to figure this out. You did not rebuild/create new pathways. Those take months with hundreds of repetitions to 'network' or program.

Second, Just because you are having a good day does not mean you can tackle business as usual. It can be surprising how taxing a simple conversation can be, especially if it is stimulating. Having a conversation with other voices in the background can be the worst. If you try to pay attention (tough with PCS), you may notice some signs before you hit your limit. The foggy brain usually tries to warn you that it starting to fatigue.

Try to link a week or two of good days before you start trying to stretch your limits. The best recovery happens during these extended good periods. Consistency is a better achievement that peak performance.

Oh yeah. All the time. I know exactly what you are talking about. It's like you are talking to them and in a couple of minutes it feels a bit like you are in a fever dream. I find that the faces reduce in their 3-dimensionality, also, if that makes sense? And that can go on all day. You are not alone in this warped world.

Thanks Mark! I agree that I won't be figuring this out and I suppose it is foolish to try to imagine what's exactly going on.

In terms of tangible experience - I am definitely realizing that consistency would be huge, especially putting together any stretch of good days. After my first five days of rest in August I felt perfectly fine one morning so I returned to work. Within an hour, I felt exhausted and back in "brain chaos" (I call this recovery phase where I can't seem to close my eyes and even think or structure a thought that feels like my own as "brain chaos.")

After than it wasn't till September 16th that it felt like I had a similar clear-ish day. Starting in September, I had been taking leave from work so this was following some rest. Speaking to one friend for 20 mins completely seemed to evaporate this clarity. Again returned to "brain chaos" where I stayed till October 1st when I woke up and felt clear. At this point I knew I had to trap this and not push it, but even smiling at folks and making eye contact seemed to exhaust and eventually deplete this reserve. Since then I have returned to this brain chaos phase and am recovering through that now. Just wondering if this patter of peaks in recovery getting smaller and harder to maintain is consistent. Does this recovery process seem familiar with things you might have experienced or heard about from others. I am just resting at home. I text friends and talk to close ones in this stage but it's very difficult to communicate because my sense of concentration and ability to structure a thought seems lost.

I don't mean to keep whining about myself because seems like many people are going through much worse. But, this has turned my life completely upside down at 24. This forum seems to be the first place I am getting real support.

Nick,

Thanks for the note! Hope you are doing better now. I have a couple questions for you -

1. Did you experience day to day recovery after your symptoms returned? Because I used to experience day to day improvement before that last drink in July. Now things just seem stagnant, and that is what is really scary. They've been stagnant for the last two weeks.

2. When you were recovering from symptoms did you have a lot of setbacks? When I was initially getting better I would slowly get better but not slip back from a recovery standpoint barring additional stimulus (usually a long day of work or alcohol). About two weeks ago I felt clearer than I had felt in a long time but the moment I had a conversation with someone I felt myself slip out and exhaust into chaos again.

hermanator90,

It is problematic to try to compare recovery processes and outcomes. There is a saying. If you have seen one brain injury, you have seen ONE brain injury.

It helps to try what others have tried but try without expecting the same result. It is more important to figure out how your brain is responding to various activities. If face to face talk is a struggle, email can be helpful at maintaining those connections.

It will help to find an activity you brain will tolerate. You need to stimulate good brain blood flow with causing brain chaos. Manual activities are often good. The struggling brain can usually handle manual activities because the hands can not work faster than the struggling brain can process. Craft projects, learning to do card tricks, playing solitaire with a real deck of cards, working in the yard/garden, etc. can give you a sense of moving forward and keep you from going boredom crazy.

Recovery is almost always a roller coaster ride. Some times, one can identify the triggers of the down cycles. Sometimes, they just happen. Sleep can make a big difference. Keeping good sleep hygiene with no excessive napping during the day that interrupts proper long sleep at night is good.

But, if an activity causes you to feel sleepy, a short nap can be helpful. I spent a lot of time in a recliner where I could nod off if I felt sleepy. I use a laptop and do online jigsaw puzzles and things like that. If my eyes feel tired, I just put my head back and doze off. My wife says she can tell when i am getting a good nap. After 20 minutes, I spontaneously wake and am back at it. I get some of my best sleep in my recliner because the sleep is demand oriented. By that I mean, I sleep when my brain says to sleep.

Early in my recovery, I would be able to do 10 to 20 minute activities. I had a rotation of things to do. If I was at my desk and started to struggle to read a line of text on the computer screen, I would stop and go downstairs to my recliner and watch some Discovery Channel. I'd might take the dogs for a walk and start the rotation over again.

So, try to find small tasks and activities to occupy your time with. The mild stimulation is good.