NeuroTalk Support Groups - Is it time to free my family?

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- - Is it time to free my family? (https://www.neurotalk.org/traumatic-brain-injury-and-post-concussion-syndrome/227309-time-free-family.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hockey (Post 1177263)

I am thinking that it's time to leave, and free my family from the burden of having to live with me.

I have been through a lot of therapy and treatment, and God knows I try, but I still can't stop every outburst of anger and frustration. I am not self-sufficient, and physically/intellectually disabled, and racked with pain, I know that I am neither fun nor stimulating company. I'm also a financial burden.

My husband is miserable, my child is miserable - and it's my fault. They didn't change, I did. The wife/mother they knew died in an MVA and they have been forced to care for an odious stranger, for eight years. They've done their best, but I can see that they just can't take it anymore.

My MVA wrecked my life, but I can't bear to see it ruin my family's lives, too. I think it's just selfish of me, not to stand aside, and let them get on with happier lives.

Well this is what I did over 5 years ago....I moved 1700 miles away, and started a new life....I couldnt be happier!

I moved to a climet that is year round, and more sunshine so I suffer from SADS less....

It took a while to find friends, but it happens....I met most people from the local coffee shops.....

I think the constent fighting with wife is what put me over the edge....See I get startled VERY easy....So crossing people in my home I would jump out of my skin....To make it worse the wife would yell at me....I wish her the best, just leave me alone....for ever!

Good luck on how you decide to solve your problem...

Quote:

Originally Posted by davOD (Post 1178236)

Exaggerated startle reflex is a symptom of TBI. I have it. It drives my husband NUTS, but I can't help it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hockey (Post 1177263)

Hockey,
It is truly saddening to hear you are going through this and I'm sorry this is happening. Although we do not know them, I can't imagine their lives happier without you. You have been an asset on NT and I can only dream of what an incredible part of your family you are to them. I wish there was something we could do for you and I'm sorry you are feeling these awful feelings. I'm not sure about you, but maybe you just need a good cry at this moment in time. Let that **** out. Harboring so much stress, negative energy, and burden from your MVA is presenting itself externally. Maybe just let it exit the way it needs to? Please continue to talk to us on here, we are worried about you and care for you.
-L

Hockey hugs to you. I had to reply to this, even though I am really struggling today so I hope this makes sense, because I can so feel where you are at.

I don't remember if you have told me how old your daughter is, but I am going to share my own personal experience.

My marriage was under stress before my TBI, so as you can imagine it didn't help. For the first couple weeks it was okay, but then things spiralled quickly. I ended up leaving, for my kids and my husband. I was a huge burden and negative to them and because I was struggling so much I was having difficulty staying in control. My husband knew how to push my buttons and he did, regularly.

Leaving crushed my kids, they begged for me not to go, but I had to. I couldn't have them around the fighting and my insane outbursts. They were only 6 and 9, so still very young and it was a very hostile environment.

I stayed away for a week, it allowed me time to reflect, and my husband time to realize that while I was a burden it was still easier with me.

Depending on the age of your daughter, I would sit down and discuss this with them. See how they feel about you giving them a break for a little while. It doesn't mean it has to be permanent, maybe just a short break can be exactly what you all need.

I know now that after a couple years that my family would rather have this broken me, than no me at all. Now if I need the break I shut myself away for a day and it really helps.