Just a little over two months ago, I fell down a flight of 17 stairs at work, hitting my head on one. I remember thinking to myself so clearly as my head slammed into the carpeted, not padded, concrete stair, "oh no, I hit my head, this is bad."

I didn't lose consciousness, but did have a lovely, huge, hematoma on my forehead. I thought I was fine and just embarrassed by the fall in front of so many people. My vision in my left eye (side I hit) was starting to get extremely weird and that is when a co-worker took me to the ER. CT came back clear and he said to follow-up with my general practioner in a few days.

The next day, while resting, I found out my mom had breast cancer. I immediately went in to caring about her health and not my own. I did follow-up with my GP one week later. I let him know I was having short term memory issues, slowed speech and was emotional with difficulty focusing. He said it sounded like PCS and that was it. Didn't explain anything to me about what I would go through.

I spent a month in PT and my body was starting to feel better so I was released. Over that month, I was feeling depression sneak on. I have battled depression most of my life, but I have had it well under control the past few years, so feeling the "dementors" creeping back up on me, it was scary. I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to control my emotions.

It was 2 weeks ago that I ended my PT and my breakdown began. I started crying more and more each day... at work. It was awful. I thought it was my job doing it to me and next thing I know, I am telling my boss I am unhappy and not on the right career path. That is not like me, especially because I love my job. I also had a few nights of night terrors, that my psychiatrist said were actually seizures. And now, this past weekend, I have started to stammer and studder when I speak, but only when I am really trying to focus on what I am saying.

I used to be the most outgoing, cheerful, love being with people and making them laugh, kinda girl. Now, I don't even want to speak because either I will studder or just burst out crying. I feel as if my job is at risk, yet they won't come out right and say it. I never took time off after my fall as I was so focused on my mom's health and no one around me seemed to take my fall seriously that maybe it wasn't that serious at all.

I am so lost and just want to scream out from behind this nightmare, that wouldn't have happened if I would have just grabbed the hand rail, as I was thinking I should do right as I took the first step.

I have just felt very alone for the past 2 months and can't get anyone to understand that just cause you can't see my injury, doesn't mean I am not injured.

Julie,

My story exactly with the same symptoms. I cry very easily now...56 year old male in a manly world!

I am self employed and there were several days this year I wanted to walk away without even caring about locking the door, not even try to sell just walk away into the sunset. And yes I do love my work."

I didn't and after 18 months it is getting better.

I am different but there are actually things I have had to do to compensate for he changes and guess what, I actually like some things about myself better now. There are still things I can't do but I am gaining ground and force myself as best possible to be satisfied with the pace.

Hang in there you'll be back.

Bud

If you are able to read, may I recommend a book called Brainlash by Gail Denton. Tis an easy read, full of excellent advice but best of all is that it makes you feel not so alone, and understood. You can just pick out chapters which apply to you. Am slowly picking my way through it as I am now a slow reader, and take effort to assimilate info.

Re speech. Found that by not caring re stutter, repetition, off topic, I improved but at home where I was sometimes subjected to ridicule I gave up on talking and making up for it when in the company of others.

In casual chat with friends where I did not have to think, performed better. Under questioning, or needing to use brain power whoa. Coped better by slowing everything down, by speaking slower it was as if the brain could keep up with the body - same physically too - moving quickly meant that physically I was in a space and the brain followed a bit later!

Time, has been a healer but in the interim timely and appropriate intervention helps. A speech therapist versed in brain injury might be a good place to start and a neuro-psychologist.

A good therapist worth their weight in gold, finding one can be another matter.

Best of, but don't ever give up. And come back here time and time again, amazing what you will learn and best of all YOU ARE NOT ALONE amongst those who know and understand PCS.

Perhaps giving friends, family and workmates info on PCS could be helpful. Maybe this is where neuro talk members could give you heads up on suggested sites, my battery running low so will have a crack at this another day when my energy restored.

I wish I would have done that, had people actually learn about PCS. So many think I am faking everything.

One thing I have realized I enjoy is the voice in my own head. I can type and hear myself talking. I am narrating my own life... my new life. I also love the sound of nothing. I sit in my house and just hear the sound of the clicking of the laptop keys.

Well, clearly I still babble, that is a good thing. Even if my speech is sometimes off.

LilJulie,

That's the thing I realize I am liking the best as well! My inner voice is what's been damaged by this concussion as I just can't think to myself clearly at all, if that makes sense. I am practicing writing in a journal to exercise thinking as that might help jog back things for myself. And totally hear you, it's definitely pleasant to just sit at home and hear the sound of these keys. Especially with the cold settling in outside (at least in the Northeast).

Hang in there! I miss myself so much too. But, all we can do is fight and hope for the best, and learn ways to cope, and dare I say - enjoy in the interim.

All the best!