[Lil'JulieLost]

Just a little over two months ago, I fell down a flight of 17 stairs at work, hitting my head on one. I remember thinking to myself so clearly as my head slammed into the carpeted, not padded, concrete stair, "oh no, I hit my head, this is bad."

I didn't lose consciousness, but did have a lovely, huge, hematoma on my forehead. I thought I was fine and just embarrassed by the fall in front of so many people. My vision in my left eye (side I hit) was starting to get extremely weird and that is when a co-worker took me to the ER. CT came back clear and he said to follow-up with my general practioner in a few days.

The next day, while resting, I found out my mom had breast cancer. I immediately went in to caring about her health and not my own. I did follow-up with my GP one week later. I let him know I was having short term memory issues, slowed speech and was emotional with difficulty focusing. He said it sounded like PCS and that was it. Didn't explain anything to me about what I would go through.

I spent a month in PT and my body was starting to feel better so I was released. Over that month, I was feeling depression sneak on. I have battled depression most of my life, but I have had it well under control the past few years, so feeling the "dementors" creeping back up on me, it was scary. I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to control my emotions.

It was 2 weeks ago that I ended my PT and my breakdown began. I started crying more and more each day... at work. It was awful. I thought it was my job doing it to me and next thing I know, I am telling my boss I am unhappy and not on the right career path. That is not like me, especially because I love my job. I also had a few nights of night terrors, that my psychiatrist said were actually seizures. And now, this past weekend, I have started to stammer and studder when I speak, but only when I am really trying to focus on what I am saying.

I used to be the most outgoing, cheerful, love being with people and making them laugh, kinda girl. Now, I don't even want to speak because either I will studder or just burst out crying. I feel as if my job is at risk, yet they won't come out right and say it. I never took time off after my fall as I was so focused on my mom's health and no one around me seemed to take my fall seriously that maybe it wasn't that serious at all.

I am so lost and just want to scream out from behind this nightmare, that wouldn't have happened if I would have just grabbed the hand rail, as I was thinking I should do right as I took the first step.

I have just felt very alone for the past 2 months and can't get anyone to understand that just cause you can't see my injury, doesn't mean I am not injured.