Hello to all...... For the record.... I have had anxiety and panic since a teenager. I never take meds for it as I can manage it typically. 5 years ago I had a horrific episode ... Was given a med that more me worse . Absolute scariest time in my life. I then went on and suffered with horrific high anxiety/hyperactive nervous system all amped up for a year before I finally asked for help. I took Citalopram 10mg and within 5 weeks I was completely back to my normal self!!! No side effects!! Just wellness!! Never took the med again.

Jump ahead to April 3 of this year. I was bucked off a horse. Came off the side about 6ft and dropped down and slammed my head and neck into the ground with my feet hitting the ground behind my head. I sustained a severe whiplash as I slammed and kissed my chest. I'm lucky I was not paralyzed or did not break my neck. I stood up and could hear my brain sizzling. I knew I had done something.
About 3 days later I started having severe nervous sensations , rapid pulse 115 just sitting down...... and was sobbing uncontrollably. I mean sobbing all the time. I'm not sure if my own anxieties and fears kicked in, or I did too much researching later that week on concussion, but it was downhill after that. Looking at my journal I had plenty of days in April sporadically that I felt well. Since May thru today... (Also since trying the citalopram in very tiny laughable doses (2,5mg) .... I am very very unwell. I've had a hard time with the Citalopram this time. I think this particular generic pill was not sitting well with me and maybe made me worse. I have started another generic. I am on day 2 of the whole pill. 10mg. Bless my anxious heart. I have an anti anxiety med prescribed if I need It to get me through. I very seldom take it and as a consequence I suffer which doesn't help my brain get well.
I am so scared the meds won't work this time. I am so scared I won't recover. I am overwhelmed with the unknowns of how badly or mildly I insulted my brain.
My CT and subsequent MRI (a month later) were negative.
I am surviving a daily nightmare of high anxiety and a hyperactive nervous system.... I sob all the time. I have sobbed and prayed to God to help me. ... The worst for me is the surrealness (derealization) and the buzzes and unease in my entire being. I do have moments of calm from the nerves... But not the Surrealness and feeling detached from the world. Yes that sounds weird.
I miss myself. I miss my joy and silliness. I miss my wonderful simple no worries life .I'm so terribly fearful I won't get well. The thought of that is unbearable.
I did not lose consciousness, did not have blurry vision or balance issues.. Im fully functional.... I just am NOT myself. ...this is almost a repeat of 5 years ago to be honest except now I have a Head slam thrown in the mix. I went straight back to work 2 days later when scheduled . I am worse at work. Stressful job. I also went to a neurologist (about 7 weeks later) who told me "your brain is fine, this sounds like anxiety" I am talking to a counselor as I'm sure friends and fam are tired of hearing the same redundant things from me and can't believe I'm not better yet.
I'm sorry.... If I've rambled. Just wanted to be forthright about my history and this head slam. I've read the posts on "hope and recovery". Just needed a place to share. God bless you all.