Hello everyone.

Yesterday i was walking out of my front door when the wind pushed it back at me, it hit my shoulder and forearm for sure, but i was so shocked i didn’t register if it hit my head. When i get startled i get very startled if that makes any sense. I was feeling strange and out of myself, my vision was going haywire going in and out of focus like when i had my first concussion. My neck felt stiff and rigid.

One hit i could barely handle, but the situation later got out of hand.

I called up the hospital and was told to come in, so i got my girlfriend to drive me there. My girlfriend thinks i’m mad at this point, maybe i am i don’t know anymore.

I was seen by a doctor that did what they always do, the tests whether i could walk straight and touch my nose and all that. The one where you close one eye and tell how many fingers they hold up i failed horrible, my vision for some reason was terrible, everything was double or blurry. The doctor commented that my pupils were very large even in the very well lit room, but dismissed it as some people having larger pupils, even though i told her that my pupils are usually not very big.

I was told that i may or may not have a concussion and sent home anyway and told to rest, what else did i expect?

On the ride home my girlfriend went off on me about how i was crazy and it was all in my head and that ever since my first concussion i have been a wreck etc etc. I told her that i know what i feel, and i’m certain how a concussion feels at this point.

She didn’t like that at all and when we rolled into the driveway, out of frustration she punched me. I couldn’t believe it i was stunned. She has never done anything like that before. She hit me right where the arm and abdomen meet, so am i unsure if she also hit my chin or anything else on my head, since i was in the passenger seat looking at her. It was pretty much as hard as she could hit, which admittedly isn’t extremely hard, but my shoulder hurt for a couple seconds.

Maybe she hit my head, maybe i recoiled in disbelief and hit the side of the car, i don’t know.

I don’t blame her. The last months have been a nightmare for us both.

She apologised but i had to get away from the entire situation.

After this my head was a mess, i felt so confused and out of it, i kept a calm face and told her i wanted to be alone for awhile and went out into the shed and started crying hysterically. I have never felt like that in my life, it felt surreal, i can’t describe it but it felt almost like i was hallucinating. Everything felt wrong and looked wrong. I couldn’t think straight and it just felt horrible. My thoughts were spelling doom and brain damage for the rest of my life.

I could barely keep it together before and now existence felt pointless and my state of mind was just wrong. I ended up falling asleep on the couch in the shed.

Today it all seems so strange, i have a terrible headache and my vision is still messed up. My pupils are like big disks and i’m certain that i have a concussion or worse. My senses all feel wrong, like everything is muffled. Yesterday feels lile a fuzzy dream, it’s hard to explain, it doesn’t feel real.

What should i do? Am i right? Is she right that it’s all in my head? I’m certain that i’m correct, but if i was deluded would i not think so?

I just don’t know what to do from here, i don’t know where to start. I had just gotten to the point where i could accept what had happened to me and start moving forward, but now i feel like i don’t know what i feel. I feel so confused.

I’m afraid. Afraid because it has gotten so much worse, i feel so stupid. I’m afraid that it’s going to become even worse over the next few days. I’m afraid for my future, and what so many concussions over such a short amount of time will mean for me.

I found a psychologst a little while back and my first apointment is next week.

What do i do now?

I’m sorry about all my ramblings, but i had to ask someone that might understand

Hey Atlas,

Please don't despair! I'm sure Mark or someone who knows more than me will comment, but a lot of people on here have symptom recurrances from low-force events or other stimuli. These symptoms can be very, very real and feel very similar to initial concussion symptoms, but they are not concussions. To get a concussion, you need to have enough force to physically stretch the nerve cells in your brain enough to open mechanical gates that allow an energy crisis to occur. From what i understand, this really does take a lot of force, even if you've had previous injuries. You aren't causing yourself permanent brain damage, and once you figure out what's causing these symptom recurrences, you'll likely be able to treat it and get better.

So what causes these very real symptoms, then?
It seems there can be a variety of causes. The three most common seem to be:
1) Anxiety attacks (I think this is a fight-or-flight response thing as a reaction to worrying about hitting your head...people on here talk about getting this)
2) A subtle unresolved neck injury (Mark and others can comment on this, as I've never dealt with it, but it can really mess with people)
3) A migraine attack (these can have broader and longer-lasting effects than most people realize)

Sometimes there is a combination of things going on (ie anxiety can trigger a migraine attack, your neck injury may be causing you distress and anxiety that is making things worse, etc.)

Hopefully that's someone helpful. I just want you to know you are absolutely not getting brain damage. Try to see a better neurologist if you're not getting the help you need.

Best of luck,
BW

Thanks, that calms me somewhat to hear Burrito, thanks.

I really want it to be the case that it’s just a neck injury or anxiety or a combination because that seems way less scary than if it’s the brain

I just can’t wrap my mind around why my eyes are behaving this way then.

Since my concussion i have kept track of my eyes, so i know how they usually look very well.

I always look at them in the same mirror in the same lighting and the same spot, and they always look the same except after my concussions when they are either one blown one small or both very big.

I guess the question then is if it’s possible for the neck to affect bloodflow and then do something with the eyes?

Or if it’s possible for my anxiety to affect my pupils like that?

Or am i reading too much into the eye thing? I’ve been looking at them for months so it just seems like such an unlikely thing if it was a coincidence.

Maybe i’m just a lunatic by trying to connect dots that have no business being connected.

I'm not sure about neck injuries, but migraine attacks can for sure dilate pupils (I have first-hand experience with this), and I have read that anxiety attacks can cause pupils to dilate as well, along with other very physical symptoms. All seems well-within the umbrella of things others experience. I would not distress about that.

Atlas, Your girl friend is 100% correct. This was an anxiety and OCD response to that movement. I guaranty that if you let this continue, you risk losing her. I've seen it happen before. She does not want to be your nursemaid.

If you respond like that to a moment of an excited hug or other movement during an expression of emotion or intimacy, it will be like driving a knife into her heart.

Go to a bowling center and pick up a bowling ball from the rack. Drop is on the floor from 30 cm or so. Then, drop it on your foot from the same. I dare you. OUCH. Smashed toes.

Look up flash backs. This is similar to a flashback. They can be triggered by benign events that relate to a real event.

This of how you respond when you observe something. Think of how you react when you see a guy hit in the groin. Your abdominal muscles tighten and you feel an electrical zing in your body. BUT, you were never touched.

I get the same response when I see somebody hit in the head on TV. But, I recognize the why I sense those feelings and move on.

You need to learn how to recognize these movements and your reaction and move on.

btw, Why did you go to the doctor?
What did you expect the doctor to do for you?

That doctor could not diagnose whether you had or didn't have a simple concussion. In your anxiety state, it would be like trying to tell is a child who just climbed out of the pool dripping wet peed in the pool 5 minutes earlier. The wet condition hides any evidence.

You anxiety hides any evidence of a simple concussion.

Atlas,

Watch this YouTube at the 20 minute mark. He talks about how the brain responds to triggers, startles, etc.

P-51 Engine Out, Off-Airport Landing - full analysis - YouTube


The key issue is recognizing the trigger as just a trigger, not a reason to continue in the anxiety/startle reaction.

For you, this means changing your though process to a thought that diminishes the meaning of the movement or bump. If you don't do this, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Sorry i haven’t replied in awhile, but alot has happened.

Yes i’m aware of how hard it is on my girlfriend, that’s one the main things i have been talking about with my psychologist that i just got. I’m working on it.

I’m going to watch the video after this comment.

In response to why i went to the doctor, that was all i could think of really.

Anyway when i went in to the doctor they measured my bloodpressure, which was extremely high (180 SYS 118 DIA) figured it was just the stress of it all and the doctor did too, hence why i was sent home.

To be sure though i was told to pick up a bp measure device from my own doctor, which i used for 3 days afterwards, 3 times in the morning and the same in the evening.

It was not the stress, my bloodpressure at complete rest is consistlently above 160 SYS, i’ve been given some medication for it so i’m hoping that will help.

The high bp has come after the concussiom, i usually have almost low bp, something i “inherited” from my mother, so i’m usually around 100 SYS, so this is quite the rise.

I’m wondering if it’s somehow the concussion that has raised my bp? Or if it’s the medication i have been taking for the concussion (amitriptylin). I only take 10mg every night so not exactly massive doses.

Stress has most likely made it rise too, but my doctor tells me it’s very unlikely that it’s only anxiety since i measured it when i was completely calm at home and it was still way too high.

Anyway when i said alot had happened i meant it. Whatever divine power is out there it seems to want to mess with me, because two days ago i got testicular torsion and had to get operated on to untangle it.

All i’m gonna say is yikes, trust me you don’t ever want to experience testicular torsion, very unpleasant.

Anyway this raised some more questions for me.

The day after the operation and today i have been having intense pain at the back of my head and my vision is pulsating or flashing. It’s like a mix between flashing lights and everything bopping up and down.

I’m wondering if this is due to the bumpy ambulance ride? I was also given fentanyl in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and whatever they gave me when they operated on me, can that cause this?

I called the hospital and got in touch with the urologist that saw me and did the operation, and he just said he didn’t know. I told him about all the concussion buisiness and he said that they didn’t move my head at all or bump it while i was out. I hadn’t even thought of that, but good on him for being so thoughtfull.

I hope the fentanyl didn’t mess with my head in some way, i really didn’t want it but the pain was insane. The nausea was almost worse after the fentanyl, even after the ambulance guy gave me anti nausea something.

Last thing it could be would be when i was driven home, we misjuded a concrete circle thing in the road and accidentally went over it, causing a jolt so big i actually hit the car ceiling quite hard. But that’s most likely nothing, just another bump i hope.

Just when i thought i had hit peak levels of ******** to deal with something completely unexpected comes up, but i’m just glad i still have both my testicles at this point.

On a side note, the urologist are insanely good at what they do, i wish the neurologists were that good, but i guess it’s way harder when dealing with something as complex as the brain.

TT is painful but learning to self correct it is helpful. Did the anesthesiologist use Versed? It can take a while to clear the system.

100 sys when you are just waking up is ok but is low when you are up and about. 110 t0 120 is more normal.

Propanolol or atenolol can sometimes help lower anxiety by lowering BP.

If your BP has been 160 and above, that alone can cause your miserable feelings. You should focus on getting it under control.