Hello to any that read this,

I've been doing much reading in this forum concerning TBI's and PCS. I'm a bit frightened. I feel that I may also have a form of PCS, and judging from the descriptions and stories I've read thus far, I can certainly relate with many of the symptoms and fears some have here. I suffered several blows to my head about 4 months ago. I was hit several times in the face from an altercation with my roommate after I disagreed with him bringing in drugs into our place. After that event, I decided to move out. I didn't tell him and he found out, which consequently lead to another confrontation. He and I went at it again and he punched me several times in the head. He is bigger than me and has been in and out of jail for several years. I'm a student and we are polar opposites. After the initial event, I didn't experience any significant neurological deficits, nor did I experience any headaches or other physical manefistations of a concussion. After the second event, the story has changed drastically. I've always been a gifted mathematician, really just gifted with anything I do. I've always excelled at science and math, I even became an engineer at barely 22. I'm now 25 and the last 3 months have been a nightmare. I'm never really here or there. I'm never really alive. My vision is blurry, and loud noises and bright lights steer me away. I can barely drive without feeling ill. I used to dominate conversations everywhere I went, as I'm well traveled and well educated. That has been nullified. I can barely hold my own when speaking of the simplest topics. For the past 3 months I've not been able to get any work done, and have only survived in my well respected position by mere reputation alone. It is starting to unravel though. I have stopped volunteering, and quit my hobbies which really has taken a psychological toll on me, and I can't work out, even though I have always been an athletic person.

I feel robbed. I took in my roommate as a good will gesture and I feel like he has stolen my essence. I can't be myself as I was. I've become reclusive, and my once esteemed reputation is going off the rails. I can't learn, and graduate school classes I've been attending ended disastrously. I'm terrified. I've never needed anyone's sympathy, and nothing has ever taken me down, but I feel like I'm down for the count. I've been drinking heavily from the depression. I've finally decided to visit a neurologist to see the outcome of my situation, but I'm just wanting to feel connected to anything, or feel understood, as I can't tell anyone at work my situation since I may lose my position, and I can't tell my parents because they don't understand. will this end? Please help.

My heart goes out to you for what you are going through. To make a long story short, my beautiful, talented, athletic, brilliant daughter (objectively speaking, of course!) suffered a series of concussions two years ago when she was 14. Although she was at a different point in her life, she suffered from many of the symptoms you describe and because of her stellar history and reputation at school, they made a lot of accommodations for her. Granted, she did not have as much to deal with as you, but it was hell. I'll get into what helped her later...

My first bit of advice to you is to STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY!!! You are doubtlessly aware of the effects of alcohol on the brain, and you can't risk it being any more compromised.

Secondly, make sure you GET ENOUGH SLEEP. This may mean 10 to 12 hours a night, but it is crucial.

Thirdly, have your neurologist or psychiatrist prescribe an ANTIDEPRESSANT. Not only will it help your mood and make you less distressed, but it promotes neurogenesis, re-establishing neural connections in the brain. My daughter takes a low dose (75 mg.) of Elavil. She started on a different antidepressant (can't remember the name), but Elavil is more effective at lower doses, thereby reducing side effects. At the very beginning, she took Antivert for vertigo, which I don't know if you have.

Lastly, consider ALTERNATE THERAPIES. Other people have written about what's worked for them and you can browse through the various threads. What worked for my daughter, in addition to Elavil, was acupunture and mild chiropractic, mostly to work on muscle tightness in her neck which was impeding blood flow. That stopped working after a while, and now she sees an osteopath/homeopath about every 3 to 4 weeks and she has had a major turn around in the last 5 months. Although she is not back to the way she was, she is fully functional and I no longer worry that she will lead a normal life, possibly with some modifications.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Oops -- two clarifications to above:

1- I reread what you wrote and you said you have trouble sleeping. Your drinking may be a factor here, disrupting your sleep. Also, Melatonin may help.

2- My daughter started with Elavil and soon switched to Effexor, which she's been on for about a year and a half.

Sorry for the confusion.

I really feel for your situation. PCS is toughest on high achievers, and I really believe you have PCS. I am ~6 months PCS after a fall on a cold Canadian street. All my symptoms are like yours, but I am getting better, slowly. Things that came to mind for me while reading your post are:

- Have you considered pressing charges against this former roommate? Regardless of the situation, no one deserves to be assaulted - it's against the law.

- Have you considered seeking out a guidance/career counsellor at school? You cannot do your studies with PCS and someone should know so that you can postpone things until you are better.

- Drinking will make your symptoms WORSE. I agree with PCSmom that you should get to a doctor and consider an anti-depressant. This step helped me out as I was starting to get really freaked out (i.e. panic and anxiety attacks). And like she said, they help reestablish some brain neurons.

- You have to stop any activities that make your symptoms worse. That's the reality and the beginning of getting better. I really struggled with this one too, and eventually went to a pyschologist for help in coping.

It was about at 3-4 months that I hit the wall of reality and had to "surrender" to giving my brain time to heal. In the end, I realized that none of my activities or job would be possible without a functioning brain.

Know that there are many others in your situation. We have all felt your anxiety and pain. There is lots of help and ideas on the internet, but don't work on the computer for too long if it bothers you. Force yourself to bed.

Hang in there..this too shall pass.

Dear Enigmagnetic

I also am so sorry for what you are going through. It truly is unfair but I have found out there is no-one, once you are an adult, that will see to fairness for you, except you. That is why I also urge you to:

1. Stop drinking and damaging your brain even more, even on top of not giving it a chance to heal. Every experience in life creates new pathways, tiny tentative one's, that could give you your possibilities back if you repeated the action that created the pathway. You are killing them off right after they are newly created and then some.

2. Concentrate on healing, take the advice of the lady with the daughter, sleep enough, ask a doc for help. Nothing is more important than that, if you lose your job for now you can in future get another one like it or an even better one if you only focus on healing now. Don't postpone it, I saw what happened to my brilliant uncle, who'se concussion was not taken care of in time, it weren't pretty. Your life and health are more important than your job.

3. Come clean with someone on your job, like a trust-person for personnel, as well as a private doctor/psychiatrist about what happened and how it is affecting you a.s.a.p. Your healing process will take time, there will be no miracle instant cure, all the while you will not be able to function at your former level. You will have to face the reality that you will probably lose your job, which is based on what you could do before. You need to retain your credibility more than ever, which you will only do by leaving a paper trail, in case you need to get help from a lawyer or any other official. If you leave this too long, people will assume you just "lost your touch" and are afterwards coming up with excuses. That will be a real loss of credibility.

Sorry to be so clear-cut with you, maybe it seems harsh and unfeeling. Just trying to spare you some things you will probably experience if you don't take appropriate action a.s.a.p. I do feel for your fear, your humiliation, your pain. I just don't want you to go anywhere instead of up. What already happened to you is bad and painful enough.

It is difficult to comment on when your physical symptoms will subside- even for the trained professional it is a guessing game, though psychologically you may benefit from:

1. Putting less pressure on yourself to rapidly return to your former self. The pressure of your work in unhelpful in this regard as it is a daily reminder that your are somehow different. It is important not to put a time frame on recovery or an artifical limit on when you will be better.

2.Remembering that even if you are not able to dominate conversations with knowledge or humour, being unable to do so is a natural part of human interaction and effects those without TBI. Besides dominating a conversation is not always desirable and despite PCS you can still be a good listener.

3. 3 months is still a relatively short period of time, although it may not feel like it, so give yourself longer to recover.

4. You said you work out so physical symptoms permitting it may be helpful to do moderate excercise, especially cardio. Though if you are unsure, then consult doctor.

5. Write down a list of achievements for each day, no matter how trivial as serves to give a small lift and a more positive perspective.

Good luck and remember to relax.


p.s. Although what happened to you was unfair and unjust, thinking about it too much will hinder rather than help your recovery, so important to think about the future.