Shez, I think I can relate & read betweet the lines here? I've been there too. I think it's called shame. I have been, still trying to deal with some of the Horrible things I have done that simply hurt the ones I love the most! Just because of my selfishness. Sometimes I think I am a terrible person. Maybe I am, but others tell me the opposite? I even argue with them.lol.. Guilt is a horrible stress agent. Get rid of it..Dump it..it's done. Start every day anew..

At the risk of sounding like a preacher...I have tried EVERYTHING...so I gave in and tried GOD. I did not turn into one of those cookoo people but have really found the peace I was needing. I don't know your spritual connection, but I was at the point of (Give up OR give in)..My friend called it (Sink or Swim) my choice...I'm really not afraid to say what I think & never judge anyone...My belief's are my own & I am sure I have twisted them to fit my lifestyle..lol...

You will be ok shez...No one will leave you from here...If you ever want to chat, you can PM. I only have mornings to myself, sometimes late evening because I care for my mom, Alzheimer/Schizophrenia/Dementia So I am typically slow with responce. Have a Lovely day!