hi there, i'l start by telling my story.
My best friend and her partner had a serious motorbike accident on saturday, and now he has a major brain injury.
This is all new to us and i'm just wanting some advice on what to expect from now on.
He is out of icu and is awake and talking, but is skipping back to the past. Thinking he is like 1999 or 1986 take your pick. Sometimes he knows who you are sometimes he thinks your someone else.
Will he ever be back to normal or will he stay the same way?
The drs are great but as everyone knows its always wait and see type stuff.
Its just so hard to sit back and see my mate gp through all this and i feel so helpless. We have brought photos and talk to him about things we have done and whats happend to him.
If anyone has any advice we would be so gratefull.
Look forward to hearing from yas
Cheers
Suzy

hi suzy sorry your friend is going through this, take it easy, it is still very early days ,I had missing time for three months and its real important that he dose not tax his injured brain, because this can cause more damage, often friends and family with the best intention, hope for and expect quick results . some times they keep people in a coma for this exact reason, trying to use a damaged part of the brain can cause it to destroy adjacent areas, so baby steps is the best way forward , so the docs statements of wait and see is correct, your friend will not benefit from knowing to much about possible out comes at this stage , please remember its a scary place he is in just now, but that will change calm support is the order of the day

keep us posted and if your friend needs support when he is up to it, he can always log on, I am a kiwi there is little support in the community there, I am overseas at the mo but check if there is a head injury support association in NZ they will help with his and your concerns, also check he gets follow up treatment from the hospital, ask his family to start the process with ACC it is a battle that he will need help with

my best wishes one day at a time

Hi Suzy,
Vini's information is SOOOO correct. My husband had a very serious TBI last May, 4 days before our son's wedding. Thank goodness for the wedding, because my in-laws were staying with us and found him, otherwise he probably would've died.

The problems came after he was home. Everyone wanted so badly for him to be better that they were pushing. They wanted him up and moving, they'd expect him to stay up and talk and even wanted him to go for what would've been a 2 hour drive to visit his brother! I was constantly having to jump on them and tell them that what his brain needed was rest and quiet.

His whole focus was on going to the wedding, which amazingly, he did do (doesn't remember it now, but we have a video for him). And I was able to use that to get them all to back off - telling them he had to rest so he would have even a slight chance of attending. I really didn't think he would be able to or should go, but as I said, that was his single focus in life at that time.

The wedding visibly set him back on recovery, but once he got that "goal" behind him, I had a much easier time getting him to relax and rest. It's been a year and he still gets fatigued more easily and his remaining symptoms get worse when he does too much. So please be your friends advocate and understand that the best thing for him is rest, rest, rest! Minimal thinking, talking, no loud noises, - nothing but positive statements that he can come out of this ok, but IT TAKES TIME AND PATIENCE on his part and everyone around him. I wish you all the best of luck!

Becky

Hello Suzy,

Please give your friend time. He is confused, frustrated and scared to death right now. My specialists tell me that under the best of circumstances it takes two years of hard work to regain as much as you can after a head injury. With really severe ones, it can take longer, or at least that's my understanding. It's much too early for your friend to know much of anything yet. I agree with the other poster that it's much too soon to flood him with information.

Just reassure him and her. Let him know it's ok if he messes up and that you'll won't think he's a freak if he forgets the year, his name or anything and everything else. Let him know you will be there to help both of them, even if it's just to listen to how frustrating it is because he's forgotten basics such as how to tie his shoes or where the bathroom is.

You sound like a lovely friend and I am glad they have you. I suffered a recent, (6 months), traumatic head trauma, (my 2nd), in a car accident and am going through daily exercises to regain as much of my normal function as possible. If I can offer insights in any way, please just let me know.

Best,

Silent2

I am in serious disagreement with the comments about "two years" to recover. There is no valid data to substantiate this time line. I would suggest, like many of the others have, that a TBI is a wait and see issue. Only trained therapists should be pushing a recovery. A properly trained occupational therapist will know when to push and when to lay off. They will recognize the little signs of fatigue, etc.

My wife is better at recognizing my problems that most professionals. She sees the ebb and flow.

I would advise the 'best friend' to drop all expectations and establish a current base line. That base line will keep her in perspective. Her partner will most likely improve and then decompensate ( get worse). As she sees the patterns of progress and regress, she will begin to better understand her partners needs.

A journal will be a great help. Often the caregiver is too close to notice the changes until she has taken the time to jot them down.

When my wife finally had a report of my condition from a doctor, she was finally able to differentiate behaviors from symptoms.

I would recommend she down load and print out Dr Glen Johnson's TBI guide at www.TBIguide.com.

It will be the best reading she can get quickly.