[gardengrl]

Hi....is this the confession room?? To all those that know me.....YUP, Mom is driving me crazy...to all those that don't....MOM is Driving me CRAZY!!!

I lost it just now...she has been Horrid the last few days, & my patience just FLEW out the window

The past few days have been bad for her with incontinence issues...3rd morning in a row I am cleaning carpets....I was kewl about all that, then she started on me about going shopping for shoes.....I don't go out much at all....Only Dr. appt. due to My TBI & medical issues.....I can't deal with fighting, or loud noises....

So she kept buggin me & after telling her yes, no, later, she has shoes, Blah,Blah,Blah....I just lost it....Yelling back & forth (She knows how to do that just fine)...So now I am shaking and just so on the edge....I figured I could write you all and vent a little....maybe distract me cause I just feel like calling someone to take her away! VERY BAD ME!!!

I know I will regret this even worse than right now...what I jerk I am...there..I'm done venting....

[Twinkletoes]

Awww, Gardengal, you aren't a jerk at all. You are a loving, caring daughter to even consider dealing with caring for your Mother and all her issues. Bless you for taking on this huge responsibility.

Does Mom feel the need to go shopping, or does she just want new shoes? Can you just order her some online? Or will she forget about it tomorrow?

Can you call someone to give you a well-deserved break?

[ras1256]

I know it's easy to say, but please don't feel bad. I don't know how you can even THINK of taking care of someone when you need care yourself! I agree, you need to find a way to get a break. With a TBI, loud noises, too much activity, and the emotional stress are not going to be good for you. My husband is doing really well with recovery from his year old TBI and has unfortunately been thrust into having to take care of me (I'm in a bout with my neurologic disease since February). I can see how it's affecting him.

Is there a senior center near you that has activities? Maybe a few hours with people her age, doing something enjoyable would be good for her AND give you the break you need. Or, can you get drop in help through healthcare? Do you know of any seniors in your neighborhood that maybe you could introduce your mom to? I know my mom really looks forward to being with people her own age on occassion.

I hope you can find a good solution - you don't need to be kicking yourself - it's not good for your head ! And bless you for taking so much on so unselfishly!

Hugs and kisses. To you and your mother.

[AintSoBad]

Gardengrl,
I wish I knew what to tell you, other than,
You SHOULD NOT feel guilty, by any means!
You're doing God's work. That makes you an Angel!

Find some time for yourself, and little calm..

Pete
asb

[gardengrl]

Thanks everyone, I know it's going to get harder & all I can do is promise myself to do the best I can. Even though we yelled at each other...& I mean Yelled...it seemed to set some NEW boundries?

She now knows my limitations & has been staying away from pushing my buttons...Hopefully she is NOT frightened of me...that would be very sad..

But it has been easier since.....it seems she has finally realized that drinking water ALL night results in ME cleaning carpets ALL day, which means I am grouchy, hurting, & don't go for drives....

But then there are days when she see's me in all my braces, limping around, and asks why? She just does not remember the accident at times??? Very wierd...

I thought once the memories went away, they were gone for good? I swear she has SELECTIVE memory! lol

[Alffe]

I think you are wonderful. As far as yelling, you are only human and have limits. As David would say...you take care of you!

[Mark in Idaho]

gardengrl,

Has your mom been checked to see if she has any organic causes for drinking so much water? There are a few medical conditions that can cause this. There is a non-sugar diabetes that can cause the kidneys to expel water faster that normal resulting in excessive thirst, resulting in excessive urination and so on.. There are hormonal issues that can effect thirst and kidney function, not to mention behavior/anger issues. Outbursts are common with TBI.

Regarding selective memory, Memories can come and go. Many factors can mess up memory functions. They can be gone today and back tomorrow. As one memory path deteriorates, other memory paths to the same memory may become usable.

Regarding feeling guilty, if the two of you have been able to get past that episode, leave it in the past. That was then, this is now.

Think of it as a correction to the relationship. Now that it is over, hopefully you can relate at a new level. Often, we hide our true feeling to get along. Then something happens to reveal our true feelings, the relationship gets corrected, and we go on with an improved relationship.
Hope this week is better for the to of you.

Regarding donkeys. They are not stupid nor stubborn. They are very smart and will not let you push them to do something they think is unsafe. Their awareness of their surroundings makes them very stable and consistent animals. They are bred to horses because horses do not have these characteristics.

So, I think being like a donkey is a compliment.

[vini]

hi can you apply for rest bite care for your mom given your own problems, its not like putting her in a home but a well earned rest for you on a regular basis say 4 days every two weeks, because she has aged related issues can you get advice from a carers support network

[gardengrl]

Thanks everyone, you have given me the Much needed support & Great idea's to check into! I really do need some quiet time..

My Biggest issue is of course the GUILTY feelings....I feel guilt for getting angry, guilt for not caring for myself, guilt for not giving my DH the attention I would like to give him before her goes to war again for a year,,,guilt for not taking time with my kids.....or friends....

So I need to find a way to deal with that! If I could do just that, I would make everyones life happier, including mine....So,,,,who out there knows how I can accomplish that?

ALL suggestions will be appreciated, even simple ones...cause I forget things & will try just about anything!

I do hope & Pray for all you GREAT, Kind people, that all your pains & sadness will leave you alone. I feel so much love in these forums....Thank you all!

[SandyC]

I don't have TBI but my mom had a brain tumor and we're dealing with the after affects of that. I can totally relate to the frustration and getting mom to understand how hard things may be for awhile both on her and me. I also take care of my hubby and mom was going to come live with us but she is doing well enough to hang out at her place. I know the day will come and boundaries will need to be set.

She's always been kind of high strung so you can imagine having brain surgery on top of that. The side effects have caused her memory to fail, her cognition to fail and her emotional switch to fail. They told us because of where the tumor was, this could happen. She also has seizures. She's had such a tough life that bitterness and side effects of the surgery are holding her back a little.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is don't be so hard on yourself. I had a long talk with my mom after our last disagreement. I told how I really want a close relationship and how much I love her but she cannot take advantage of me. She understood and we both have been doing well since then. I also had to promise to start treating her like the mom rather than someone who didn't know what she was doing. I didn't realize I was doing that but she was right, I was.

Sometimes things like this happen to teach us better ways to do things. I am sure she's not scared. She may be feeling the same guilt you are.